Weights on One's Heart

She couldn't sleep.

The salty night wind from the sea was gently combing her hair and cooling her skin. The waves were quietly breaking against the docks, rocking the numerous ships illuminated by the two moons. The picture of serenity. There wasn't a cloud in the sky nor a drunkard on the street. The night was perfect, quiet and calm. The bells tolled one hour past midnight some time ago and the city was fast asleep.

Adanita was exhausted.

But she couldn't sleep.

She let out a sigh, rubbing her face. She just wanted a bit of time and attention, damn it all. She had a few very long days and she was under a lot of stress. She just wanted a chat. The more she delays it, the likelier it was that he'd be asleep already. She apologized to the stars for her disturbance under her breath.

The orb in her hand started shining, and Adanita was waiting.

Hah.

He was already sleeping.

Rosamund answered her call slowly, barely opening his eyes while he tried to handle the orb with his right hand. She woke him up after all.
"What is it, Lily- Adanita?!" He sat up, suddenly awake. She felt her chest tightening. She didn't mean to do this- "What happened?"
"Nothing, nothing!" she quickly reassured him. "Everything is fine. I- I'm sorry for waking you up. I'm really sorry."
"Gods." He flopped back on the bed, visibly in pain. "Don't hang up, please. I just need a moment. I thought the devil attacked again."
"No, no. Nothing happened. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you-"
"Nonsense. I am happy to see you again, love," he said.

He clearly needed a moment. She wordlessly watched him rub his eyes and clumsily sit up again, fluffing his pillow against the headboard to be able to lean back properly. His left arm was injured and immobilized, and the vile patchwork the devil did on his wrist clearly left him in intense pain. She had no idea how doctor Soxhlet could even treat an injury like that. Nonetheless, he managed to smile at her, looking about as exhausted as she was feeling. There were knots in her stomach. She knew she shouldn't have bothered him, but she just wanted to hear from him.

Rosamund closed his eyes for a few moments, listening to the sea with her. "Are you on your ship?" he asked.
"No, I'm on the docks. Don't worry, there's no one around."
"I didn't doubt you for a moment." He gave her another smile. "How have you been?"
"Tired," she quietly said. "I have so much to do. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd call you. I assumed you'd be awake. I didn't know..."
"It's alright. Nothing to fret over, my queen. But, I do have a meeting with Sarmia tomorrow, about the fire. I will need to go back to sleep soon." He sighed. "I am happy you are here. I've missed you, you know. We've both been extremely busy lately, so I don't think either of us should take the blame for having no time to talk. I didn't want to bother you while you were working, and even if I did, I couldn't make time for it either. I assume it was the same for you?" She nodded, and he gave her a smile. "Instead of both of us having to apologize, how about we set aside an hour for chatting every day? Perhaps around... nine in the evening?"
"Yes, please. I'd love that," she quietly said.
"And even if you need me at a different time, please call me. You are never a bother to me, you know? I'd like to hear from you if there's anything on your mind..."
"Well, same goes for me," she said. "I want to know how you're doing."

He gave her a soft smile. "Gods. I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you, too. How's your arm?"
"Oh. It's-" fine. She could see him stopping himself from saying that. He didn't want to worry her, but she by far preferred knowing. "It hurts. Quite a lot. Doctor Soxhlet isn't sure whether I'll be able to play the violin again, not to mention write," he said with a pained voice. His honesty warmed her up like a hug, even though she hated what she was hearing. He trusted her. They'll figure out the rest together.
"Could a Saint heal you?"
"I fear they might notice something and start asking questions. For one, this hardly looks like a burn that we claim it is. I'll just have to tough it out. It's fine, I don't mind it."
"I hope you get better soon."
"Thank you, love."

He dug around under his covers with his healthy hand, before pulling out her pinecone toy with a wide smile. "With this here, there's no way I won't get better. It's hardly a replacement for you, but it does help me feel better. Thank you for leaving it in my care."
"Of course. I'm glad," she said.
He set it back on the bed, still holding his hand on it. "Now, onto you. What's on your mind?"
Honesty deserves honesty. "I'm tired. All the work I need to do keeps piling on and it feels like I'm not doing enough. I can't sleep..."
"But you are working hard," he said.
"I should be doing more."
"No. You should rest. Adanita, you've been through something unspeakable. Don't be too hard on yourself. You deserve a day off, if you need one."
"It feels like everything will fall apart if I take a break even for a moment..."
"Adanita..."

She sighed again, running her fingers through her hair. She gave him a smile to reassure him he didn't need to say more. "I know. It's just my mind running in circles. I have allies and support, and if I still stumble, Teo and you will help me keep going. I'll make it through, somehow."
His shoulders relaxed and he smiled back. "More or less."
"But still. It's difficult to keep myself convinced of that. I still go back to same dark thoughts sometimes."
"And that's alright. You are under a lot of stress," he said. "And since you've said all I'd need to tell you to remind you how amazing and lovely you are, I find myself at a loss. What can I do for you, my darling dearest?"
What a smooth talker. And he meant it, too. She wouldn't be blushing at just anyone saying such things. "I think just seeing you once a day will be enough. I'd like more, but I won't be greedy."
"Well, I will see what can be arranged."
"Thank you... my love."

No flinching this time, just a loving smile. His mind recovered from the devil.

"So, you have a meeting with the Queen tomorrow?" she asked.
"Oh, yes. Alberic will be present, too. It should go well, Nivelir's report was as flawless as usual. I'll just have to stay calm and I will make it through."
"She frightens you."
"Very much. But it is necessary, so I will manage."
"You are very strong. I know you can do it."
"Of course. I am the most impressive man you know, after all."
"Don't push it."
"But it's so much fun~" His quiet laughter was contagious.

Gods. She loved him so.

"What about you?" he asked. "What will you be doing tomorrow?"


"Ah. An exercise in second chances, I suppose..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Was there anything better than spending an afternoon in the tavern with friends? Or, well, a singular friend at the table in an otherwise mostly full tavern. Teo was sitting across from her, playing his cittern to accompany the trio playing music in the corner to earn a drink or a meal. Both were winding down from a very long meeting, taking it easy. With one crisis resolved, surely there will be another to greet them tomorrow. On and on, in a vicious cycle.

Until then, she had what her lover called 'an industrial cleaning agent', which she decided meant he didn't appreciate the best booze this side of the island, and chatting with Teo.

And waiting.

"He's on his way. He's here most days around this time. Stop looking so nervous," Teo said.
"Hah. Lord Governor had to arrest several members of the Coterie because they continued with their crimes and abuse after he gave them a choice. Including the leader, just two days ago. It doesn't give me high hopes that this will work," she said.
"Well, you can't win every time. He managed to catch Lotus in his net, shouldn't that give you hope?"
"I'm not him."
"You don't need to do it like him. That's the whole point. Keep your head up and let's change the topic onto something brighter. We don't want others catching on, right?"
"Right. Have you made up your mind yet?"
His face turned red. "What about?"
"You know what~" she teased him with a bright smile. His face turned redder and redder.

"H-he's a gentleman- a noble-"
"And you're not~"
"Nita!"
"Face it, you're in love with an idiot."
Overly red in the face, he stopped playing his cittern and pressed his forehead against the table.

Adanita sipped from her bottle, letting him recover his dignity. It seemed he drank too much, perhaps, if he was knocked out that easily. The sun was low in the sky. Maybe she should-

Teo slammed his fist against the table, sitting up. "You are RIGHT!" he shouted. "The next time I see him again, I won't beat around the bush. He's an idiot, and there's no helping that. If I need to jump him for him to notice me, by gods, I will!"
"That's the man I know!" she brightly said. She raised her drink and they shouted for his success.

Teo downed his mug and set it down with a quiet burp. He glanced to a woman entering the tavern and tapped the table with two fingers. Adanita carefully didn't react.

"And what about you?" he asked, continuing the thread.
"What about me?"
"Well? Are you happy?"
"Please, my lover plays the violin. Think any woman can do better than that?"
"I think hardly any man could do better than that. It's a shame Leica doesn't play any instruments..."
"Let me guess, you'd prefer if he could play the flute," she said with a grin.
"Quite so. Unfortunately, I will have to rely on his skill with the sword once I get my hands on him."
Adanita let out a laugh. "Luckily you are so skilled with your hands."
"Of course I am!" He slammed his fist on the table again, standing up while convincingly holding on not to fall over. "If you think violins are impressive, clearly none of your lovers ever played a cittern! Is that- Nino! Nino am I right or what?!"
"What?"

Nino stared at them from the door, closing it behind him. Somewhat startled, but not too much. He always had a better poker face than her, though.

"What's all this commotion about, Teo," he said, approaching the table with a smile. "Getting drunk when the sun barely had time to set? Nita," he greeted.
"Nino," she replied. "Don't listen to him, he's-"
"She has a new lover!" Teo exclaimed.
"Hah. He's drunk. Would you like to sit with us, man?"
"Well, now I have to." He sat down, waving to the keeper to bring him a drink or few. "Spill the tea, love. Don't tell me it's that governor man."
"Gods, not you too. If I wanted to bed a posh prick with more makeup than a dock wench, I'd go for th' Margrave," she said.
Nino let a clear laugh. "Then? Who is it?"
"A violinist," she said. "He plays on the streets of Hipparcos."
"Oh? And who's your Hannau lover?" he asked.
"That, I don't have."
"Really now?"
"No. I love him too much. I don't think anyone can compare," she said.
"Goodness, lass. And he plays on the streets. I wouldn't think he'd be as kind to you not to take another lover."
"He wouldn't," she said.
"You are too naive when it comes to men, dearie."
"Hah. Are you offering to educate me?"
"Gods. No," he said. He took out his smoking pipe and started stuffing it with tobacco. "I don't look above my station, love."
"Really, now. I seem to recall you in the sea of suitors, vying for a certain Goldenbraid-"

At the same time nonchalant and quick as a lightning, Nino reached into his boot. The dagger hidden within ended up lodged in the middle of the table, with him tightly gripping onto it and smiling widely.

"Wanna die, Teo?" he asked.

"Wanna get cursed all the way to hells?" he replied with an equally toothy grin.

Adanita placed a hand on one of her cutlasses, holding the other on her bottle. Relaxed much like the two of them, but ready.

And then the moment passed, laughed off by the men with the same ease as it came. They raised their drinks one more time, for silly feelings of love.

"What of you, then?" Nino asked. "Any love sorrows?"
"I'd have 'em if I had time for 'em," Teo said.
"His is a tragic tale. He's in love, but the man doesn't know him," she said.
"Well, now. I don't know what you're waiting for, man."
"You wouldn't get it. And I'm done waiting, too! I'm going to him right this instant!" He left a few coins on the table and drunkenly limped towards the door, Adanita and Nino looking at him with concern.

"Well, there's no way this won't end badly," he said.
"If he falls into the sea, maybe he will sober up," she sighed.
"You're serious about making him a Captain?"
"Well, aye. He's competent. And smart, most of the time. Powerful, loyal... Why not?"
"He doesn't have a ship, for one. But I suppose someone needs to keep managing the city, and he's been doing that since you've been elected."
"Aye. Why not make it official?"
"So you support this?"
"Aye. I didn't think you'd have it in you, first mates as competent as him are half the captain's success, I say. If he was mine, I wouldn't let him get away."
"I don't see it as him leaving. I have other men who can fill his role if need be."
"True. You've got yourself a fine ship, lass."
"Thanks," she said quietly. They ordered more drinks.

"I miss going to the sea with you," she said.
"Aye?"
"Aye. That sea monster we caught some months ago brought us fame, even in Bretonia."
"Oh? Didn't think they'd care."
"They wanted me to kill it during our negotiations. The looks on their faces were priceless when they learned it's dead already."
"Hm. Perhaps I should bring the skull to the governor's manor, then. Lend it to really show it off. Or in the Hipparcos town square," he joked.
"It would put your name out there, surely."
"Ah... I never wanted that, Nita," he said. "Striking fear into enemies enough they don't try to off you while you rob them is one thing. But building a reputation, politics, nobility..." He shook his head.
"A simple life is hard to have these days. These are dangerous times. I want the Cove to be safe for years to come."
"We're criminals, love. Outcasts. You're trying to hold a civil conversation with the people who want us dead."

How... hypocritical.

"I suppose. But it's not as if I'd lie down and wait for death if the day of battle comes," she said with a smile.
"No. You'd march there with your head held high." He smiled and patted her back. "I'm being far too gloomy for the occasion, am I not? Next drink is on me, lass."
"Do you think I'll fail?"
"Maybe. Maybe not. I think you're far too naive to how the world works."
"Is there something you know?"

Pause.

"I don't think so. You seem to have a grip on the situation, for now."
"Then why complain? I can keep on top of things."
"Aye, I know you can. Sorry 'bout that, love. Must be the drinks."
"Alright," she accepted that. This was making her sick, but she wasn't allowed to show it. How could Rosamund keep himself so calm at all times? Why couldn't she, too?

"Ah, but, you don't have any other troubles, do you? I'll help you with anything, just ask," she said.
"Trust me, dearie. If there was anything, you'd be the first to know."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She wiped her eyes before entering the cabin. Teo and Lilac were waiting inside, both perfectly sober, each with a cup of tea in his hands. The third cup was waiting for her.

"Well?" Teo asked.
"He lied to my face," she quietly said. "How-" Her voice cracked.
He pushed the tea across the table towards her, and she sat down to drink some. She felt herself sobering up, too.

How did it come to this? They used to sail together, hunt ships and monsters alike. He used to trust her and watch her back. How did he lose all that faith in her with such ease? Was it simply never there?

Did she do something wrong? Did she fail him somehow, years before she ever knew it could come to this? But what could be worth selling yourself to an enemy country, and agreeing to enslave people for their nobility?

"How did it come to this, Teo?" she asked.

He took her hand in his, comforting her gently.

It hurt...

Time was nearing for that once-a-day call Rosamund had promised her. She refused to show this weakness to him, even though he will probably notice it.

She refused to pity an enemy, even if he was once a friend.

Nino Moretti had to die.


"Start preparing for battle. When he comes to raid Brancin village next week, he will be facing us instead."