The Cracked Reflection

I found myself in an endless, misty hall of mirrors. The air thick and heavy, pressing down on me.

"What is this place?"

My voice echoed faintly, there was nothing but silence. As I moved forward, I realised the mirrors didn’t reflect me. Instead faceless figures stared back, their features obscured by the fog.

"..." sil

With every step I took, a mirror cracked, and the figure inside dissolved into the mist.

"What could this be-"

Before I could finish, the faint cries of unknown voices echoed in my ears, sharp and dissonant. The sound chewed at the edges of my mind. Where was it coming from?

I glanced back, dread pooling in my chest as I saw the mist behind me darken into a deep, malevolent red. Ahead, the path remained a ghostly white. The contrast made the red mist feel even more sinister, like it was alive, inching closer with each crack of the glass.

I need to get out of here..away from that..

The moment I spoke, my legs suddenly moved on their own, something inside me had decided to run before I could. Was it fear?

What the hell is going on? I don’t lose control. This isn’t like me.

The faint echo of my footsteps was quickly drowned out by the relentless shattering of mirrors, yet the voices still rose above it all, overlapping every other sound.

Regardless, I kept running toward the ghostly white fog. Every so often, I glanced back at the red mist creeping closer, my heart pounding in my chest.

Think…think!

Is it chasing me? Am I stuck? Fuck I’m lost! My surroundings—nothing’s changing. Nothing’s moving.

I can’t keep running like this! Nothing will change if I keep doing this! Grow a pair! I need to confirm my suspicion.

Suddenly I stopped, looking back at the red mist behind me.

I need to hold out just for a moment…I need to see how the mist reacts…

My eyes sharpened, staring deeply into the red mist. My legs were still jittering uncontrollably, trying hard to grasp my composure. After a while to my surprise, the mist didn’t seem to get any closer to me.

Get a hold of yourself Kaito...You know better than to panic...

I closed my eyes and took a slow, deep breath. Inhale…and exhale. I repeated this motion several times, slowly my heartbeat gradually slowed to a normal pace. The trembling in my legs began to subside, but the weight in my chest refused to lift.

How did I get here? This was all so sudden…

"A lucid dream, huh?"

I tried to reassure myself, but the words I spoke felt hollow. No, that can't be. This isn’t right.

"Then why can’t I control it? Why can’t I wake up?"

I clenched my hands in frustration feeling hopelessness. I hate this feeling.

I glanced back at the red mist behind me. Though the mist still felt sinister, I tried to remain calm.

“I need to find a way out…”

I kept on walking ahead towards the ghostly white mist for what felt like an eternity. It almost felt like I’ve been walking for years. My thoughts felt clearer, almost free from the external factors that caused me to panic just a moment ago, though the heavy sensation didn’t fade.

The sense of being trapped was all too familiar to me, yet in this moment, it felt as though I was experiencing it for the first time.

“...”

For a moment, I felt accustomed to the cries and the relentless cracking of mirrors that lingered behind me as I took each step. Though this moment shortly lived. Suddenly I realised I was near the end of this stretched out hall.

At the end of the hall, one mirror stood untouched. It shone brightly, cutting through the haze, and for the first time, I saw my reflection staring back at me.

"I can finally see myself...huh?" I chuckled softly

Relief started to creep in—until the image changed.

My reflection blurred, almost fading away, in an instant the reflection was replaced by the image of a baby. I stood there frozen, my breath barely catching up. A strange warmth stirred within me, an emotion I couldn’t describe. It wasn’t fear—no, it was something deeper.

Recognition. Awe.

"Who... who is that?" I whispered, my voice trembling.

I reached out, my hand trembling as it extended toward the shining mirror. But before I could touch it, the hall began to collapse.

The mirrors around me shattered violently, the fragments sinking into the void of the floor, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the shining mirror. I was glued to it.

"Don’t go," I begged, the despair could be heard in my voice.

Suddenly, the ghostly white fog crept in, reaching ever so closer, wrapping around the mirror like a snake. It began to fade, slowly, the image slipping further and further away till my vision couldn’t make out the details. Panic flared in my chest, suddenly I lunged forward, desperate to reach towards it, but the further I ran, the farther it seemed to drift.

"Wait!" I shouted, my voice was endlessly echoing through the emptiness of the hallway, it was useless. The fog thickened, turning to a deep impenetrable black, I was left alone suffocating in the fog.

I jolted wide awake, my heart pounding in my chest repeatedly, an almost indescribable pain sharpened as the cold sweat clinged onto my skin. In that moment, I couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe, that vivid imagery I just witnessed lingered in my mind.

"What... was that?" I whispered.

Calm down... just take a moment. Think. What does this dream mean? There has to be something—a clue, a pattern, anything. But no matter how hard I tried to piece it together, nothing made sense. Nothing at all.

“It doesn’t mean anything," I muttered

As I muttered those words, I noticed my hand slightly trembling.

With a scoff, I dismissed it. "Just a stupid dream," I said under my breath. Even as I struggled to swing my legs off the bed to get up, the lingering unease refused to let go.

It’s been a long time since I had such a vivid dream, I used to get those often as a child but over the years I’ve had few and far between. Must be an age thing.

Suddenly my phone buzzed at the counter next to my bed, I reached my right hand towards it.

"Mira huh?"

Not surprising, Mira was one of the only people I've saved on my contacts on this phone. My other phone was tucked in my pocket, that was for work. The rest of my contacts on this phone were people from my highschool years that I haven’t spoken to since graduation.

I put my phone on silent. I could already tell what Mira wanted, so I don’t really see the point in answering. She wants to meet at that spot.

“Wait a moment, what day is it again?” I muttered

I was a little too distracted by that stupid dream, I genuinely couldn’t remember what day it was. I pulled out my phone to check the date.

December 9th 2018

Mira’s birthday is coming up isn’t it? Was it the 13th? No, wait the 17th? Close enough. With a sigh, I set the phone down and headed towards the bathroom.

As I entered the bathroom, my reflection in the mirror caught my eye again.

I’m sweating?

I hadn’t even noticed, was the sweat really caused by that dream or am I coming down with something? Guess only time will tell if I’m sick, currently I don't feel ill though. As I grabbed a towel from my rack and started wiping the sweat from my face and neck, I half expected the mirror to crack.

“Stop being a child…Move on already.” I muttered under my breath, cracking a faint smile at my own ridiculousness.

On my way out I grabbed my jacket at the chair near the door. I left my apartment and closed the door behind me.

It’s time to head out.

***

Mira

The coldness in the air bit at my fingertips, even through the gloves I was wearing. I rubbed my hands together, trying to warm them, but it was useless. The chill seeped in everywhere. My breath puffed out white clouds, swirling in the air.

This place was always quiet, especially at night. The swings were still, their chains creaking faintly when the wind breezed past them. The snow was untouched, covering everything leaving only a white canvas. No footprints, no voices, no movement. Just me, waiting. That’s why Kaito liked it here at this time of year—no one to interrupt , no one to watch. He introduced me to this place around two years ago, to be honest I don’t mind this place either. It felt... safe, in a strange way.

I shifted on the bench, the metal caught my coat. I didn’t realise how long I’d been sitting there until I realised my toes were going numb. Still, I remained. Kaito didn’t like to be rushed after all. If I left now I’d be a waste of time for both of us.

My mind traced back to the last time we talked. He was a little... different. Kaito always was distant, like a distant fog, but that day, he seemed further away. I couldn’t tell if it was something I said or if he was mad at something.

“You don’t get it, Mira,” he’d said, his voice ringing in my head. “I’m not sure when you ever will.”

I tried to let the words melt off me, like snow when the sun rose up, telling myself he didn’t mean it. That he was just frustrated at something that day. But the way he looked at me that time, that stare, it seemed like he’d already decided that I wasn’t worthy of being in the vicinity as him…

I hugged my knees to my chest, I could hear the cold bench creaking beneath me. Maybe something really did happen to him on that day? What if his mother had gotten worse? If that’s the case, I can see why he’d act like that, but still…I just wish he’d listen to me once in a while.

The snow started falling again, snowflakes falling gracefully down and melting at the touch of my gloves. I swiped at one of them childishly, my eyes flicking to the path leading into the park.

Still empty. Still silent.

Even though I’m out here waiting in the cold, his care free attitude is admirable. He truly lives to his own accord, am I able to do that? No…That’s probably why I’m the one waiting for him. A part of me wishes that we could trade places, I wanted to experience that myself.

Even though I have changed ever since I met Kaito, I felt like I still wasn’t there yet. To be my true self, I’ve gotten more distant with my parents…but I still do what they ask me for mostly. My mindset has changed but my actions haven’t…

I glanced at the ground, wondering if I should have texted him again. But no, that wouldn’t work. Kaito hated being chased. I’m sure he’ll come, even if he doesn’t answer my calls, I know he will come.

Still, I stayed. Even when my fingers feel numb, my legs are starting to ache from sitting too long. Why am I staying? Because I cared. Even if he didn’t always see it, even if he didn’t want me to care. I care.

I glanced at the ice-covered pond in front of me, the faint creak of the ice reminded me of my circumstances. My parents would kill me if they knew I was out this late, not only that but if they knew I was still hanging around with Kaito, they would crucify me. They never liked Kaito back when I introduced him to them during highschool, not that they’d ever say it outright. They didn’t need to. I could tell from the way they looked at him when they saw us together—like he was the definition of trouble. Like he was beneath me, a lower being.

But they didn’t know him. Not really. Not like I did. They only focused on his negative traits.

I let out a sigh while leaning back on the bench, the snow from the top of the bench started falling to the ground. I met Kaito in high school, back when my parents had my life so perfectly planned, it was suffocating. My parents had decided my future before I could. “You’ll take over the business,” they’d said, like it was a privilege I should be grateful for. I felt trapped, I couldn’t simply defy my parents could I? That’s what I thought, then I met Kaito.

The first time I saw him was at the start of the new semester, he’d come into class late, his uniform a mess, his tie barely knotted, though his hair seemed to be perfect weirdly enough. The teacher scolded him for being tardy but he just leaned against the desk and smirked like none of it mattered. And maybe, to him, it didn’t.

I’d never met anyone like him before, everyone I knew was very conscious about how they presented themselves. He didn’t seem to care about what others thought of him. He did what he wanted. While everyone else worried about grades, college applications, expectations, and how they were viewed in this world, Kaito seemed alleviated from it all.

I envied him for that.

He probably didn’t even realise how much he’d changed my perspective on life. I remember when I first spoke to him, he was alone outside during lunch break. I remember being nervous, not just to talk to him, but nervous if anyone saw me hang out with someone like him. I was too judgemental at that time, though he seemed unapproachable, he glanced at my direction.

Did he really have no one to talk to? I found that odd to be honest, but I didn’t understand it at the time. I introduced myself to Kaito, he didn’t seem to care, I was a little hurt by that, he didn’t even bother to introduce himself to me as well. Something told me to persist though, maybe it was my ignorance or maybe it was the desire to be recognised by someone who was so wildly different to me.

I sat next to him, he didn’t say anything, neither did I.

This went on over a while, every lunch break he’d be at the same spot. I’d sit next to him, I’d eat my lunch and he’d eat his. I had friends who I could eat lunch with, but something about him interested my curiosity. I noticed his lunch getting smaller overtime. I was a little dazzled at that, but then I spoke to him for the first time since our interaction. I offered him one of my sandwiches, though he shook his head, his stomach growled. Looking back then, that was an innocent moment, I pressured him to take the sandwich, which he eventually agreed to.

After that, we started to talk to each other more. I continued to offer him some of my food, I would usually start the conversations, he kept his responses at a minimum, but over time he started responding more and more.

I learnt about his circumstances, learned bits and pieces of his past. His relationships with his father, though that was kept to a minimum. I realised that something must have happened to his mother, maybe that’s why he didn’t have much lunch. He didn’t seem to be working at any job, back then I wasn’t sure how he earnt money. I eventually realised later how he earned his money, it’s work that was frowned upon in society.

We grew closer over the next two years of highschool, eventually I sat at the spot first before him.

Before meeting him, I’d accepted anything people would throw at me. I came from a prestigious family, talking to them didn’t feel authentic. Not only my family, but the friends I made seemed more concerned about my status and my future than me as a person. The pressure to meet those expectations, I lost my own desires. Every choice I made was for other people, not myself, I was seeking their approval.

I wanted to run away from it all, I wanted to toss the pressure that’d been weighing me down from my shoulders. I didn’t care who I’d pass that pressure towards, as long as I felt alleviated I didn’t care.

Kaito seemed alleviated right? No not entirely..the only thing weighing him down was society itself, other than that he was independent. I questioned if I could be too.

The answer was no. Not yet anyways, I wasn’t brave enough.

Suddenly I heard the sounds of snow crunching behind me, I turned around and saw him–Kaito. There he was, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets, shoulders hunched. Kaito always had a weird way of walking—I wonder if he knows.

As Kaito approached, his walking pace slowed. Something seemed a little off, no maybe I’m imagining things again.

“Kaito,” I called softly as he approached. He glanced up briefly, his eyes meeting mine before darting away.

“Hey,” he muttered, his voice quieter than I expected. He sat on the bench beside me without uttering another word.

For a moment, we just sat there, nothing but silence. Normally, Kaito would make some offhand comment about the cold or the park, something distracting to mask the fact that he showed up at all. But tonight, he didn’t say anything. I decided to break the akward silence between us.

“Are you okay?” I asked

He let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “You always ask that.”

“Well, I wouldn’t ask if you weren’t acting off.”

That earned me a glance, one of those half-smirks he gave when he was amused but didn’t want to admit it. “I’m fine, Mira.”

But I was slightly worried. Kaito thinks he’s good at hiding these details, but I’d spent enough time with him to notice when something was off.

“Are you sure?” I pressed gently. “You seem... I don’t know. Different.”

“Different?” He leaned back on the bench, looking at me fully for the first time in a while. His smirk deepened, but there was no real humor behind it. He seemed to be genuine when he asked “What, do I look off or something?”

I paused for a moment–Kaito is usually quite confident in himself, he usually doesn’t question the opinions of others. I almost wanted to violently shake him and ask ‘What did you do to the real Kaito!’.

“It seems like something is on your mind, you seem more distracted than usual.”

“Yeah, I was deciding where we should go for our little date. ” Kaito scoffed in amusment

Kaito doesn’t joke around all the time, but he does, it’s to get away from serious interactions at times like this. This was just another one of those moments I guess. I noticed he looked tired. Did he not get a good night's rest?

“Are you sure?” I asked gently. “You seem... I don’t know. Off.”

Kaito was still glancing at me, his expression this time unreadable. “I’m fine” he muttered, his voice quieter now.

I pushed my knees more tightly towards my chest, should I continue to pry on this subject? It’s clear he doesn’t want to talk about it, no this seems a little different.

“You know you can talk to me, right? If something’s bothering you—”

“I know,” he cut in, though his voice was gentle. “Thanks, Mira. But it’s nothing. Just didn’t sleep well, that’s all.”

I nodded in agreement, I wasn’t entirely convinced that was the only thing bothering him. I’ve known Kaito for around five years at this point, he should know I can see through his bullshit at this point.

We talked about the state of the world, how things seem confined, just talking about life to be honest. This lasted quite a while.

“You act like none of it matters. School, jobs, money...that’s not normal Kaito. Everyone I know gets stressed about that, so how come you aren’t bothered?” I asked curiously towards Kaito.

“Easy. I don’t care. Why waste energy on something that’s pointless? Who defined success anyways?” replied Kaito, staring at the stars.

I decided to speak honestly with Kaito, maybe I can distract his current thoughts that might be bothering him as well and have a meaningful conversation.

“But it’s not pointless for everyone. Some people actually like... structure, I guess. Having a plan, a purpose. Not everyone can be carefree.” I replied

“A purpose?” He let out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. “Mira, most people’s ‘purpose’ is to make someone else richer, just so they can gain a portion of their earnings. They follow orders, collect their paychecks, and pretend they’re happy. Most people live and die without experiencing life. They’re too worried about what others think of them, they’re afraid to be themselves, to go out of their comfort zone, to be truly themselves.”

“And you?”

“I don’t need anyone telling me how to live. I live on my own accord.”

I acknowledge that Kaito does live for himself, but isn’t he disconnected from society? He makes a good point, but he struggles to form connections with people. Isn’t that losing what it means to be human?

“But isn’t that lonely?”

Kaito’s jaw tightened for a moment, he looked away, staring at the covered snow canvas on the ground. As if he was pondering in his own thoughts.

Should have I said that?

“Better to be alone than to be someone’s lap dog,” Kaito replied in an aggressive tone.

Sometimes I question Kaito’s mindset, though I still highly respect him, I can’t help but have a feeling like he’s digging himself a hole, and burying the weight all on himself.

“You don’t have to put it like that.”

I frowned after saying that.

“Why not? It’s the truth.” Kaito replied.

“I think you’re wrong.”

“About what?”

Kaito almost looked surprised as he responded, I guess I really haven’t had much disagreements with him, I’m a little surprised myself. It’s like my words are coming out before I have a chance to process them.

“About people. Everyone isn’t blind about the restrictions on society. Some people just... I don’t know…I guess they don’t know how to break free. Maybe they don’t have the strength and courage to do so, or maybe they don’t even realise they’re trapped. It’s almost impossible to be free from these restrictions...”

Kaito smirked, his tone sharpening.

“Like yourself, huh? Some people can’t break free huh? You’re the perfect example. Stuck with your perfectly planned life, too scared to say your honest thoughts thinking you’ll mess mess it all up.”

I shoved my face below to knee-level.

I want to be angry about what he said, but deep down I know that he’s telling the truth, as harsh as he’s being right now.

Kaito leaned forward, his voice dropping lower.

“You talk about wanting to be free from it all, but you won’t take a single step to get it. You know that you don’t want your future predetermined, but you’re following them, Mira—living like an animal in a cage and pretending it’s not that bad.”

I know! I know! I’m a hypocrite aren’t I? I’m just like the rest of society, I’m not brave enough to shoot down the hopes of my family…

No, it’s not just that. I’m afraid…it all scares me.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am scared. But at least I can admit that. At least I’m not pushing everyone away just to prove I don’t need anyone.”

Did I really have to say that last thing? Now I’m being the harsh one…

Kaito’s smirk disappeared, his expression unreadable as he leaned back.

He didn’t say anything for a while.

Should I say something?

Suddenly he looked into my eyes. Is he going to go off on me?

“You’re bold today aren’t you? I like this side of you, maybe you should be honest like this more often. Guess you’re feeling a bit confident suddenly?” Kaito replied gently, his voice sounding calm and relaxed.

I smiled, though I couldn’t stare directly back at his eyes with full confidence.

“Maybe a little.”

Kaito complimented me? That’s a rare sight, this isn’t the first compliment he’s ever given me, maybe this is the third, he really said I should act more like this? It didn’t feel good to say those words to him. I didn’t feel good saying anything negative to anyone. I didn’t want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially Kaito’s, I know deep down he wants me to be happy in some type of way. He wants me to be true to myself, and not have to hide behind others.

After that, we gazed at the stars. We didn’t really talk much after that, but there was no animosity in the air. We were both fascinated by the stars above. I questioned what if there were other human-like creatures from any of those stars, how do they operate the complex threads of life. Before I could think of an answer to that question, suddenly a sight of a shooting star flashed before my eyes. Did that really just happen? It happened. I noticed Kaito flinch for just a moment. He must have seen it too…

If we left this dirt rock planet and ventured out, could we truly live how we would want? I wished for that regardless of the answer. A world where I can be free from these restrictions.

Maybe Kaito shares the same thoughts as me, well I guess I could always ask next time.

As I looked at Kaito, I noticed the tiredness and hesitation that was reflecting from his eyes had vanished. I wanted to say something to him but, for now, I just want to admire the stars.

***