Chapter 14

Mona

Damn, why didn’t anything last? I closed myself in the bedroom with the excuse that I would clean. I didn’t think anyone would have believed it, but Gina was at the gym, and Athena sat in the living room, watching a movie, so I got away with it.

I picked up a pillow only to put it back again, forcing myself not to throw it back on the bed. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t I ever make the right choice? Things had been fine before Athena came into our life.

I glanced at the door. I didn’t want her to notice it; it wasn’t her fault. It was mine for being such a mess and never being able to see the consequences of my actions. Gina should have stopped me when I said I wanted an Android, told me I was being impulsive. Getting Athena had been such a mistake.

It had been fine at first. Awkward, but I’d thought we would get used to it. I’d crashed for the night in enough places throughout the years to think that being around unknown people wouldn’t be a problem.

But that was then. Now, apparently, things were different, and I didn’t know why. Weeks had gone by, and instead of settling in with Athena, I just grew more and more restless. I hated the four walls of our flat, and I couldn’t even escape like Gina did for work. I wanted to blame someone for it, but not even I could bring myself to it. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault; it was mine. It was me who had said we should get someone, me who had pushed Gina to get an Android. What a mistake.

I slumped down on the bed, not knowing what I should do. I wasn’t used to having to live with the consequences of my choices. Back then, when I was crashing on sofas, I could move to another place if I didn’t like it. I always found something else for the night. But now, that wasn’t an option. I couldn’t leave Gina with Athena or… I couldn’t leave Gina at all; I wanted to be with her.

I’d tried to play the psychologist, thinking what Gina would have said if I talked to her. It was pathetic, I wasn’t someone who analysed what I felt. It was probably some childhood trauma or something; wasn’t everything based on that? I hadn’t talked to her, couldn’t bring myself to mention it. What if she actually liked the life we had now? I couldn’t destroy it by telling her what I felt. And anyway, nothing would change. Athena lived with us, and that was that. I simply had to suck it up.

Why had I even wanted an Android? I’d been bored, that’s why. I thought our life had gone too quiet, and maybe getting someone would make it more fun again. Well, that didn’t happen.

It wasn’t fair. People had never been an issue. Heck, I could chat up anyone, talking was the least of my problems. Why was it different now? Because Athena was an Android? No, she’d become quite used to our lives and stopped staring at the cupboards every morning. She even went for walks herself now, leaving the flat all by herself. So why did I want to run as far as possible from here and never return? I’d even tried searching online, seeing if someone else had this problem, but no. Androids needed a role, and Athena had found hers with us. She was happy, at least.

Should I bring it up with Gina? Wait until she came back from work and then snuggle up against her in bed, hoping she would patiently drag it from me. I was tempted to, but nah. What would she say? It would only make it awkward. I decided to say nothing, and wait it out.