Chapter 15

Athena

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I was given the chance to experience all the facets of human emotions soon after I descended. After all, was that not why I had come; to know the true nature of the human experience? I would lie if I said it didn’t frighten me. The whirlwind of even positive emotions left me dizzy, and so what would the experience be like, when I faced the darker ones?The place I now called home was everything I had dreamt of. Gina and Mona made me feel welcome, and I slowly found my way through the world of humans. I went to the park, watching children play and lovers hold hands. I observed old men gazing at their lifelong love with a devotion I hoped to one day experience. Human emotions delighted me, but I knew that it would end one day.I had hoped that our time together would last, but it would not be. If I could have wished, I would have wanted to savour my time among these experiences, but I know that you do not control these events. You can only surrender to them and after all, was that not what I had wanted?And thus began the second chapter of my experience in the human world. Gina and Mona, who had spent every evening with me, withdrew and the nights were replaced by the absence of them both. Gina began to spend time in what she called a gym, and Mona escaped into the bedroom. I should not have been surprised. Had I not seen it, as I watched humans from the intranet, how relationships were torn apart? I believe I’d simply thought it would not happen to me.I could only guess at what I should do to mend it. With no experience to guide me, I spent my nights watching TV, hoping their abandonment was short-lived. But they did not come back to the quiet evenings we’d had, and with time, a feeling of what I believe to be loneliness settled in on me. It became a blanket that covered me, drawing the joy I’d found in this world. My days became barren and the determination I’d once had to experience the world of human emotions wavered, and I wondered if this had been the right choice after all. Did they not want me? Was that the reason for their actions? My thoughts darkened, and the alienation drove me to spend my nights without sleep.I don’t know how long we spent apart; time slows when sadness overtakes you. But in moments when the burden lifted, seeing a child chasing a butterfly or a father smiling at his daughter, I tried to recall the actions taken by the humans I’d watched from the intranet. What had been their reaction when relationships failed? I’d seen them flee, abandoning the once joyous bond they’d shared. I had seen the sadness that came from that, and I did not wish it upon myself, but in my darkest moments, I believed there was no other choice left for me. I saw others, who chose a different path. They decided to share their emotions, hoping they would be returned. Perhaps it was those memories that finally drove me to call Gina and Mona to me one evening.They sat down on the sofa next to me, but the emotions flickering in their eyes were out of reach to me. I could not interpret them, and so I was left with no other choice than to trust my decision. I believe the quietness that descended on us at first was awkward. Mona fiddled with her hands, and Gina watched out of the window absentmindedly. After several deep breaths, I gathered my courage and asked,“Do you not want me?”Gina turned to me.“What do you mean?”“Do you regret bringing me to your home?”Mona shook her head.“No, that’s not true! We want you here.”“But you no longer spend your evenings with me.”The room fell silent. It stretched out, and as it spread, I felt my resolution falter. The last of the strings that held it together broke, and I whispered,“I thought this was my home.”