Doubts, Fading Away

My heart is still pounding. My head is still hurting. I can't even walk straight. Am I even walking?

I lift my head to see a long corridor stretching ahead, then glance back. A couple of steps. That's all I've managed to take in the last five minutes.

What is wrong with me? A kiss is nothing. It shouldn't be. As much as I'd hate to bring her up, my ex kissed me before—just once. I remember how I reacted back then, the way my heart practically leaped out of my chest. That was normal. That was expected.

But this? This is that times ten.

"Dammit..." I mumble under my breath, pressing a hand to my forehead. "I think I'm gonna pass out."

I need to snap out of it. Get my mind off it. Yeah. Just focus on something else—anything else. Mindless labor? Sign me up. Anything to get rid of this tightness in my chest.

I scan my surroundings until I spot an area where crew members are moving crates stacked high with equipment for backstage management. Judging by how many are still piled near the garage, it seems the dedicated team was slacking off.

Determined, I step forward and grab a crate, only for it to reveal two backstage workers hiding behind it—locked in a deep kiss.

We froze. They blinked at me. I blinked back. And cue the awkward silence. Maybe I should've stayed at the hotel after all...

"Ah!" the woman yelped, stumbling back. "W-we've been caught!"

"I told you we should’ve just saved it for later," the man grumbled, before sighing and turning to me. "Sorry you had to see that, kid. Could you do us a favor and keep this a secret?"

"...Sure," I muttered.

I set the crate down and walked away.

My pace quickened without me realizing. My heart, which had finally begun to settle, started racing again.

What the hell...? Of all things, of all people, of all moments—why did I have to see that right now?

A couple sneaking around to steal a kiss, hiding their relationship like it's some forbidden act. Why here, of all places? Shouldn't they be more careful? No, if anything, they shouldn't be doing that at all in a work environment. That's shameful, neglectful, and... par for the course when it comes to a certain someone.

And just like that, my thoughts inevitably circle back to Mira. Turns out, no matter how hard I try, there's no escaping this.

"Shit..." I mumbled, running a hand through my hair.

"I... I'm sorry," replied a familiar voice.

I snapped out of my trance-like state, and reality came crashing down harder than I expected. Standing in front of me was a worried Natsume, her hands curled at her chest as if she had done something wrong.

"Um... Are you alright, Natsume?" I gulped.

"Shouldn't I be the one to ask you that question?" she mumbled. "You ignored me for a bit, so I thought I made you mad."

"D-did I? I'm sorry. A lot has happened in the past hour, so I'm just... trying to wrap my head around everything. I don't know if it's because of my new position or what, but I feel a bit anxious. That's all."

"Oh, is that so? I'm sorry for misunderstanding."

"What? Ha~... Don't apologize, Natsume. It wasn't your fault."

"Still... Hm..." Natsume suddenly perked up, her eyes lighting up. "Oh! I have an idea. How about taking a walk with me?"

"A walk? Here?"

"Yeah. I usually go on long walks to clear my head. Remember when I came to your place? It took about an hour, but I didn't mind—I actually like walking."

"I remember, but this is kind of different, don't you think? We're in a concert venue, not a park with a decent view."

"Hehe~ Well, it'll just have to do. So? I have some time to kill before we get our makeup done. Wanna come?"

Honestly, it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Mira is still living in my head rent-free, so maybe being around Natsume will help me forget—though admitting that feels kind of pathetic.

I've never been one for walks, but who knows? Maybe Natsume knows something I don't. Scratch that—I know she has a few tricks up her sleeve for moments like this.

"Sure," I said, cracking a small smile.

"Really? I mean—! Great!" she beamed, grabbing my wrist. "Come on!"

For a while, we wandered through the venue, peeking into different backstage areas—not that there was much to see. Every so often, staff members would stop to greet Natsume before giving me a subtle once-over, silently questioning why a random kid like me was hanging around with a high-profile idol.

Yeah, I get it. I've asked myself that same question more times than I can count. Trust me, guys... It's nowhere near as glamorous as it looks.

Eventually, we stepped onto the main stage, overlooking the massive stadium where thousands of spectators would soon be seated. Even now, with only a few venue staff scattered around, an uneasy weight settled in my chest.

Just standing here feels suffocating. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like when the place is packed. Seats filled to the brim, all those eyes are locked on you, and the deafening cheers shaking the air. The thought alone is making my stomach churn.

"You know, Yozora, a lot of time has passed since you became our assistant," Natsume said. "In fact, we're nearing the end of your contract, aren't we?"

"Just about. I think I have a little over twenty days left. Time sure flies, huh? It feels like it was only a couple of days ago when I was vehemently trying to keep myself from this... promotion." Suddenly, she smacked me on the arm. "W-what...?"

"Why did you say 'promotion' like that? Are you still trying to argue that it wasn't, in fact, a promotion?"

"Hah. Not at all. At least, not anymore. Looking back now, I think I can safely say that these past couple of months were pretty fun. Definitely stepped out of my comfort zone one too many times, but that's what I get, huh?"

"Hehe. What? For making yourself seem like a stalker?"

"What the... Mira was the one who walked into the men's restroom, and I was doing my due diligence by going into the men's restroom as a man myself. Need I say more?"

Natsume's eyes lowered with a subtle frown as if she was suspicious of something. After rereading my words in my word, I think I know why.

"Mira... huh...?" she mumbled, causing me flinch.

"N-Natsume?" I gulped.

Then, her expression returned to her usual smile. "It's nothing, Yozora. Anyway, how do you think you've been doing as our assistant?"

"Hm... Pretty good, I guess? I don't know. I feel like that should be a question for you to answer."

"Oh, it is. I just wanted to know you what you think before I say what I think. Since you gave me your answer, I'll go ahead and give you mine. Think of like... a job evaluation."

"...That's kind of scary."

"Pft~ Don't worry, Yozora. I won't be too harsh."

Natsume dashed a few steps ahead before spinning around to face me, her finger pressing lightly against my chest.

"For most idol groups, assistants come and go," she said. "But you… I think we're really lucky to have someone like you, Yozora. And I mean that sincerely, from the bottom of my heart."

I froze on the spot. Why? Because she complimented me? I've never been the type to fluster over praise, but… maybe that's because I never had much of it growing up. Even so, this feels a bit more complicated than just surprise.

"N-Natsume…" I mumbled.

She let out a soft, beautiful laugh. "Yozora—no... Noa."

Hearing my name in her voice like that made something in my chest tighten.

"I trust you. Me, Suzu, Yoko, and even Mira. We all do. Despite how it might seem, we like having you around. More than any other assistant we've ever had. Especially…" She trailed off for a moment before shaking her head. "That's why I’m asking you, Noa... Won't you stay?"

I've never been one to stop and stare at someone just because they're pretty, but this isn't just that. There's something about Natsume in this moment—the quiet sincerity in her eyes, the warmth behind her smile—that throws my entire rhythm off.

And then there were her words. Words that told me I was wanted, that I should stay. Something I've never heard in my life. I should be happy to hear them... so why is a part of me hesitating?

"I'll... think about it... Nabi," I mumbled.

For a split second, her expression wavered—then, her smile stretched wider, brighter.

"Then, Noa… I'll be waiting to hear your answer."

And with that, she walked off, leaving me no less anxious than when we started.