She Had a Boyfriend

I finally entered college in 2021 and was officially a Green Archer. I took Information Technology, and I never set any expectations in this university, because I was still bitter of not being a Tamaraw.

But on the death bed of my mother, I swore to her that I will finish college and make her proud from above.

Our first year was full online. The pandemic was still ongoing so nothing much happened.

Did I find a love interest or a crush? No. Being in a relationship was not on my mind that year. I just studied and played, isolated at times when I contracted the virus again but this time had gotten fully vaccinated. The feeling was not as severe as before, I contracted it three more times and fully recovered after a week for each.

Then the second year came. In the academic year of 2022-2023, onsite classes had finally presumed.

I got to meet many new people with all of us wearing face masks and face shields. The new people I met, we had a game of unmasking to finally see the full face of each other in person. It was fun.

I had no crushes back then even if there were many pretty and cute peers in my course and college. I was not decided on what I was looking for in a girl.

Until, I met someone in my National Service and Training Program or NSTP—a course in the Philippines that aimed to develop civic consciousness and patriotism in students. It was kind of like a government requirement in some way...? I don't really know.

I just hated that I was elected as the President or Class Representative of the NSTP class I was part of.

But how I met her? Apparently, the professor or adviser was handling another section. And I was informed by my adviser that the class representative of that section would reach out to me for a collaboration.

And that class representative was her. Her name was Jae.

We were class representatives of the two sections that our adviser handled. Our NSTP was about Civic Welfare Training Service, basically involving students in doing community service activities to our target communities—the senior citizens or elderly in Rodriguez, Rizal.

When she reached out to me on social media for a collaboration between our classes, I checked her profile and it was stacked with leadership flexes and achievements. She was active in the different organizations in our university, basically a student leader in many forms. She was the ideal class representative of any activity because of her background in leadership. An actual student leader.

And then me? Well I was a student... Just a student. A student who was forcefully elected by my adviser because I was the only one who reached out to her regarding requirements.

The process initially was that the class would be divided into six groups. Each had to have a leader, and I was the leader of my group. We had a "Spin-the-Wheel" wherein the first selected became the leader of the group, me, a student...just a student.

I eventually got to know her and helped her in her difficulties with the NSTP. Everything was casual. The more I got to know her, the more I began to slowly fall for her.

On the day of our community service to the elderly in Rodriguez, my class had almost half in attendance. Since it was still the pandemic, the process of clearance to visit the communities were hectic. There were those that never wanted to attend, but there were also those, many, who wanted to attend but could not.

On the day, I was glad that a lot of us were able to come, and I was also glad that I made many friends in that class that I am still friends with until now.

I was just surprised at the fact that my class were the only ones that had double digits in attendance. Other classes only had either their class representative present or a few in attendance in single digits.

My classmates applauded my leadership and charisma, saying that I was capable of leading and that I was not a fake or plastic, that I showed genuine concern among everyone and was not a leader for clout.

There had been issues about leadership of student leaders in our college, but all I I did was really be myself. I guess I might be a born leader after all...?

Anyways, the community outreach was a huge success. And although we did not garner any award and my classmates were kind of salty about it, saying that our class really deserved one. I was happy either way.

As for Jae's class, only her and one other attended. At this time, I had fallen for her while still having casual conversations with her. I developed feelings for her and helped her get through clearance and made guides about the processes of clearance that had me stay up late at night for her and her class.

I really had fallen for her. She was very pretty and cute, kind and gentle, had a deep voice that a guy would easily fall for. She was...just wow. Our conversations had gotten me emotionally attached, the consequences I deemed for having grown so much on the emotional side of thinking things. For all I know, she was half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and I tend to view them to be cute people in terms of looks.

I checked her socials and made sure that she was single. I tried to dig deeper and deeper just to make sure that she was indeed single, and I could not find a trace of her being in a relationship.

On the finals week of the term, I decided to escalate our conversations by hitting her up, taking it slowly with her by starting at being friends.

And then she replied, "Caleb, I'm sorry but I can only give you until there."

"I am in a relationship already."

When I heard those words, my world fell  drastically and this attempt heavily affected my academics in the finals week, but fortunately, I pulled through.

I had gotten emotionally attached that I found it very hard to detach. I was alright with her saying that she can only be friends with me, but my heart ached.

I searched deeper and I forgot that she had an account in that blue bird social media. And in her profile cover photo, I saw her boyfriend.

I immediately felt so much shame and regret in falling and having interest in her that during christmas vacation, I had lost so much motivation in myself when trying to find a relationship that it affected how I spent my vacation with relatives. They took notice of my behavior and I just could not tell them what happened. It was utter embarrassment and shame for me.

It was also the first time I ever got to drink alcohol and blacked out in front of my relatives.