Gravity

“What happened?”, you asked as I silently put my head on your lap, knowing that I rarely showed my vulnerability to anyone. Even to you, after so many years together, I still believed deep inside that I needed to stay strong all the time.

I wish I could explain what I felt to you, but I never had the words to name those emotions that so often overflowed my heart. Even the name for anger, an emotion that had filled my heart for such a long time that I had almost forgotten I could feel anything else, I learned from others. Maybe it was even from you that I learned it that time when I lashed out at you for no apparent reason when you tried to hold my hand?

I tensed at first when your hands started to play with my hair. “Relax”, you said softly, petting my head. “It’s okay”.

I took a deep breath, finding comfort in your words, wishing that your force would pull me even closer to you and never let me go. So far your pull was way stronger than my fears, but I dreaded the day when our bond would snap, and I would find myself flying into the empty space, lost forever. Yet you always held me firm, even when I fought with all my strength against your pull. You were there for me all the time. Even when my mind, blinded with anger, decided not to see it, I still felt your tug deep in my heart.

I let out a quiet sigh and pulled my knees under my chin as your fingers combed my hair, weaving our bond with every stroke.

I never had a name for it, other than gravity.