The hell is this place?

“Ah- art þee finally rousing from þy slumber? Dost þou hearest my voice?”

My head was throbbing, so I didn’t open my eyes. I could see through my eyelids that it was bright around me, and the last thing I needed was to make my headache worse with an influx of light.

“Argh, my fuckin’ head…”

“Ah, þank the heavens, it seemeþ that þou hast regained þy consciousness. þy state hadst me dreadfully worried.”

The gentle voice addressing me seemed to be that of a young woman, a distinctly English one at that. That’s no surprise of course, I was in England, but that didn’t explain her weird manner of speech. Who on Earth talks like that?

Still, it seemed I had gotten myself hurt and she had stayed aside to help me, so I owed her thanks if nothing else. And, figuring I should at least look her in the eye first, I slowly began to open my own. At the sight of my surroundings, however, all thoughts of social protocol disappeared from my mind.

“...the hell is this?”

“Hell? Nay, þough þou wert rendered a sorry state, þy soul haþ not departed. þou remainest firmly upon Terran soil. Now be'þ not þy time to die.”

“Uh… it was just an expression…” Seriously, what was up with that way of speaking? Must have been a theatre kid.

Still, looking around, a girl with a funny dialect was the least of my concerns. The last thing I remembered before passing out was walking to the shop, but instead of waking up in the middle of the city streets, I was in a grassy field, nothing but hills and green as far as the eye could see. Well, other than the dirt path a couple metres away from us that I assumed the woman next me had come from. I lived miles away from the countryside, and even then it was rare to see places like this in the UK these days. Well, in England at least. But I somehow doubted I had ended up in the Highlands overnight.

Still, the ground was wet and the sky was overcast, so at least that much was on brand.

“Honestly, to wander the fields in such a storm, what could possibly possess þee so? Wert I not nearby, þou mightn’t have lived much longer. A stryke so direct wouldst takeþ the lyfe of most. þou oughtst to þink þyself fortunate to hadst survyved. Few would have been so lucky.”

“Ah- yeah, cheers. Seems like you saved my skin there.” I wasn’t sure how exactly a random passerby could have saved my life from a lightning strike of all things, but the fact that I was alive with no immediate medical attention in sight meant she had likely done something. CPR, maybe? Well, it didn’t really matter. I was thankful either way. “By the way… where exactly are we? The last place I remember was a lot more… urban than this, to say the least. How’d I end up outside of the city?”

She raised an eyebrow at my question, seemingly between apprehension and concern.

“I beg þee forgive me myne impertinence, but art þee kwyte alryght in the head? Haþ the prior ordeal perhaps loosened a screw?”

“Excuse me?”

“The nearest city be'þ a week’s walk from here. þree or four days on horseback. The lightning that took þee unconscious stryked at þis very spot, no more than a few hours ago.”

“I… what…?”

What sense did that make? I knew for a fact that I was in the city when I got struck. How could I possibly be a week’s walk away? What is that, a hundred miles? Maybe more? Hell, where could you even go in the UK that was a hundred miles from the closest city? It ain’t a huge island, and we’re packed like sardines on the bloody thing.

And what was the whole ‘on horseback’ bit about? Why not “by car?” This situation was getting weirder every second.

“Bloody hell… is there at least a train station or bus stop nearby? I needs to get back to Chelsea as soon as I can. I’ll bet me Mum’s about ready to flip 'er lid.” I asked the girl, which earned me another confused look.

“I… fear I know not what þee say. “Train” and “bus…” þese art terms I’ve yet to hear. And þis “Chelsea” þou speakest of, ‘tis not a place I am familiar with. Might it be someplace outside of Igris? If so, I fear I may be of little assistance.”

“Igris?”

“Yes, þe United Kingdom of Igris and Airan. þou… knowest not yven the land þou findest þyself in?”

“I…”

…just what the hell was this place?