The Apocalypse Sucks

(Spring)

Not having hands sucks...

I remained idle in front of a large diesel generator, surrounded by empty gas canisters, knowing the inevitable was near.

Not having a mouth sucks just as much as not having hands.

My only hope was the useless dumbass, lethargically sprawled across a raggedy couch, doing nothing but playing video games for the past three weeks. He was a dirty blonde haired man in his late twenties with zero goals or aspirations in life. Normally, that wouldn't have mattered to me, but with the end of the world looming, my life was now completely dependent on him. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't human. I was in fact an autonomous vacuum cleaner that was roughly two feet in diameter and six inches tall.

With the wheels on my underside, I rolled my silver plastic disc-shaped chassis towards him, sucking up any dust or dirt in my path. My battery life only had about a day's capacity before having to recharge myself at my docking station. With our generator on the verge of being out of fuel, I needed to get his attention.

For the past year and a half, Eddy, the guy on the couch, had been my owner ever since he ordered me one fateful day off of Amerzom. Up until recently, I had no issue with him being an unemployed deadbeat. As long as my batteries were kept charged and there was someone to empty me out when I was full of dirt, I was happy. Now that I was on the verge of losing one of those things, I couldn't say I was exactly thrilled that I was stuck here with him.

Eddy's fingers clicked away at his game controller, moving around a character in a blue jumpsuit on the screen. Ironically, the game was an open world RPG that took place in a post apocalyptic world. If only he'd focus on surviving in real life.

I floored it full speed, smacking into his ankle.

"Ow!" He groaned, only temporarily losing focus from his game then immediately returning to it.

Once again, I rolled into him.

"..." He only responded by lifting his foot off the ground and resting it on the couch's arm rest, where I couldn't reach it.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I went over to his GS5 game console, which was set up on the floor. A couple of wires ran from the back of it into the back of a 48 inch flatscreen TV that was propped up on a large cardboard box. I knew exactly what I had to do... I backed up about four feet and rammed into the system, causing the power cable to become disconnected.

Eddy suddenly shot up, confused. "What the-?"

For the first time in days, he got up off his lazy ass and walked five feet to inspect his console. Realizing it was unplugged, he reattached the wire and booted it back up. As he sat back down to get back to his game, I immediately rolled back over and nudged both the power and HDMI cables loose this time.

"Are you kidding me!?" Eddy once again threw himself back up.

This time when he approached, I pressed myself against the console's white plastic shell and began pushing it across the floor of the cellar, which we had been barricaded inside of for the last few weeks.

"Stupid vacuum!" He exclaimed.

Apparently, I'm the idiot, according to the moron who used up his fuel supply during the apocalypse to power his video games.

As he pursued me, I used the opportunity to lead him over to the generator.

"Is this thing malfunctioning or something?" He muttered to himself, thinking he had me cornered.

I let out a beeping noise as I smacked the game system up on the side of the generator. The GS5's side panel popped off.

Eddy went white in the face. "I-it's just the shell. I can just pop it back o-..."

I backed up a few inches and slammed into it again, causing the other side to pop off. Then I proceeded to repeat the process over and over. Maybe if I was lucky, I'd break it and Eddy would have no choice but to pull his head out of his ass.

"St-stop." He meekly proclaimed, hesitantly as he reached down to grab the system, afraid of getting his hand bruised by me.

"What’s wrong with this thi-." Before he could finish, the sound of the generator conking out interrupted him. He paused. "...I guess it's been a while since I've refilled this thing."

Suddenly distracted, his focus went from me to the generator. He walked over to a rack against the wall, where dozens of fuel canisters were stored. Picking one up, he shook it. Realizing it was empty, he grabbed another, then another, and another, until he managed to check every last one.

A look of panic suddenly appeared on his face. "No no no, this can't be happening! How could I have used it all up? There was like a year's supply here."

The generator had gone out sooner than I anticipated, which meant I had roughly twenty four hours to get this resolved. I wheeled over to Eddy and began obnoxiously beeping at him.

Beep (Idiot)...

Beep (Dumbass)...

Beep (moron)...

He looked down at me with a look of intrigued. "Were you trying to warn me?"

Now he gets it...

"Wait a second... Can you understand me?" He crouched down, bringing his head closer to me.

I let out a beep to affirm with him.

"Beep three times if you get what I'm saying."

Just like he asked, I gave him three beeps.

"No way!" He shook with excitement. "What else can you do?"

I should be the one asking you that.

Eddy continued on, practically levitating with amazement. "How about this: one beep means 'yes,' and two means 'no.'"

I let out a single beep, indicating that I agreed with him.

"But what should I call you?..." He thought for a moment, as he inspected me closely. "Hm, you're a Romba brand vacuum... How about Rom?"

I would have preferred to go by my serial number, but without a mouth, it was difficult to express that. Rom would have to do. I let out an indifferent beep, hoping to get back to the matter at hand.

"Already Rom, we need to get my games back up and running. There's got to be more gas around here somewhere." He started pulling off the cushions from his couch, as if he somehow would have misplaced an entire gas canister under them. Obviously he found nothing except some loose cheese puffs.

Next, he began scrounging through all the rows of racking, which lined the entire cellar. On them were primarily jars of pickles, cups of instant Ramen, and large jugs of water. I sat back, already knowing he wasn't going to find anything, since I already searched for myself earlier.

"If we're out of gas, that means..." Eddy's eyes became wide, as he slowly turned his head toward the cellar door. "...I have to go outside." His forehead broke out into an anxious sweat.

Unfortunately for me, even before all of Earth's bodies of water began to mysteriously dry up about a month ago, Eddy was already an extreme shut-in, who's terrified of the outside world...

"Wh-what if we just stay here and try to make our own fuel?... Plastic's made of oil. Maybe I can melt some water bottles or something." He nervously attempted to rationalize to himself.

Or you could just open the cellar door.

I let out two beeps, indicating my disapproval with his idea.

Looking like he was about to cry, Eddy stood in front of the staircase that led outside. I rolled up next to him and tapped the bottom step with my chassis.

Stairs... My one weakness.

If I had legs, I would already be outside, but since I didn't, Eddy was going to have to carry me.

"I-I guess it couldn’t hurt to take a peak..." He let out a gulp as he picked me up with one hand and a red plastic gas canister with the other. Slowly, he ascended step by step. When he finally reached the door, he put his hand up to it, but paused. "I don't know if I can do this!" He started sweating even more and began breathing rapidly, like he was hyperventilating.

We're almost there. You better not screw me over, you sack of crap.

Aggressively, I repeatedly beeped while turning on and off my suction from underneath.

“I think I'm going to need my security blanket.” He darted back down the stairs, where he grabbed a crusty orangish colored blanket. Wrapping it around himself like a cloak, he returned to the top of the stairs. "Here goes nothing…" With a look of pain on his face, he creaked the cellar door open to the outside world for the first time since everything went down…