Turtle Ballroom Dancers [Scene 2]

Director's Cut: Character Edition!

Name: Ryujin Haruka

Age: 26

Birthplace: Tokyo, Japan

Date of Birth: December 9th

Astrological Sign: Sagittarius

Fact: Lover of American folk music. It's so horrible, but perfect when taking a shower to distract himself.

Action!

***

After we became an official couple, even though she had no idea what a girlfriend was, I waved her goodbye and told her we would meet another time. I didn't know how, but I figured it would work itself out. I mean really, how hard could it be to find a robot in a city of four million people. I was busy and a month deep in production of the film. I thought meeting up for coffee once a week or so should do. I hardly had any time to spare. But a strange thing happened. 

Late August was a perfect season for Los Angeles, I found. The drilling heat of July was gone and the brisk current from the ocean was still warm. A pond surrounded the upward apartment complexes, and the sunlight cut through the palm trees that spanned the area. Much warmer than any place I'd been, or Tokyo for that matter. 

I got up from the bench and had a funny feeling that something was lingering. When I turned around, Yunaria or whatever she said her name was, hovered in the air behind me. Quite literally floating. Blue flames shot from the soles of her feet. I darted around to see if anyone saw us. She really was a robot! 

"Stop that!" I gritted through my teeth, "What, I, never mind. You can't do that...here. And stop following me. I'm supposed to be inconspicuous."

The moment she let her guard down, I sprinted and hit a direct angle towards my car. I made it all of but a few feet, until she flew in front of me. 

"You said you would give me more of what is on your shirt. It's like the food on Yalina. It's the first time I've smelt it since I landed here. Please, I've roamed around this strange land and have no idea where I am. The beings here don't seem to respond to my language."

The initial shock wore off, relatively speaking, and upon closer review, she really stunk. God. She must've gone dumpster diving. The "I Love LA" shirt she wore had holes in it everywhere and the brown pants weren't much better. Maybe I should've run faster. But what kind of man would I be to leave my girlfriend on the first date?

"First off, you smell...well, where did you get these clothes from?" I pointed to her shirt while pinching my nose. 

"I found them in an empty street on the ground. The beings here seemed to all cover themselves and looked at me strange, so I thought this the best way to get some answers about the land."

There was something so sincere and timid about her that I found it too elaborate that she was lying. Social conformity, nice. She's learning. "Well, that explains being ignored. I think the better question is why can you speak this language? If you come from another planet as you say."

"Another planet?" Her knees buckled for a moment. "Another planet...it makes sense. What is this planet called?"

"Earth. And it sounds weird when you say beings," I sat down on the bench and pulled a cigarette from my coat pocket. "Most people say humans."

"Ugh, that smell is disgusting. And you say I stink. Humans, you say. So, what language do these humans speak? I'm not sure how I know to speak it, but us Yalinians are known for being very adaptable. Humans...humans."

She kept lingering on the word. Some speak of fate or the like, maybe mine was to be surrounded by idiots forever. But she didn't strike me as a robot,  yet she was metallic and shiny. And she flew. If she really is a robot, Space Cowboy Robot Love may actually turn out to be semi-shit instead of full-blown disgusting.

I took another puff. "Humans have thousands of languages. Most humans don't speak the same one. Where the hell is Yalina and if you didn't know what a girlfriend was, why did you agree to be one?"

"That seems impossible. How can you communicate like that?" She stared off into the ripples of the pond. "Who knows how far it is at this point. Or if I'll ever make it back. Maybe it's galaxies away. A girlfriend...how would you explain that?"

Immediately, my face turned red, and I frantically ran my hand through my hair. 

"Well, uh, I... it's hard to explain. How would I explain it...hm. A relationship... It's sort of like, well, when two people share feelings for each other, they find out to see if they like it. A girlfriend is what you call the woman, and the man is referred to as a boyfriend. Although, these days there’s two men who—anyways." 

“I've heard about said feelings from other planets, but a relationship of shared feelings... Im not sure I understand. I presume that men and women are types of humans.”

“That’s right, wait, what are you?”

“I’m Yalinian, what are you?”

“A man. Yes, but if you—let’s drop that. My head’s going to explode.”

Oh no. I checked my watch and realized it was about to be 8pm. Turtle Ballroom Dancers was about to preview. See, that’s how you do a parody. Turtles with tailor made suits and dresses battling over waltz. 

“Well, I have to go. Don't follow me. In this planet if you do that enough, it's a crime." I put out my cigarette on the ground.

Kids held ballons in their hand, couples sprawled out around the large pond on blankets. Cars flew by the edge of the park and their horns blared in the distance. It was a dark orange hue in the sky once the sun began to set. I noticed how reflective her light gray skin shone against it. She sat there and stayed quiet for a moment, and I began to walk off, but that expression of longing kept me at bay. What did space robots think of?

"Say," she aimlessly spoke, "If humans have these shared relationships of feelings and are willing to explore them, why did you ask me to be a girlfriend? What is the point of these types of understandings?"

When she put it like that, it really made me think. How do you explain to a robot that you are making a movie about a robot in love and want to use the relationship to direct said movie?

"I don't know. Maybe the point is that we have to find out."

"Hm. I have no way back to where I'm from, nor do I know anything about this world. But I do wonder, is all of Earth full of color and vibrant like this place in which you live?"

Thinking of these strange events, nothing made sense. How do you even explain something like this? My life is becoming one big parody. All I needed was a tinfoil hat and some cymbals to complete my monkey suit. 

"No. It's all different."

"So, if I am to be a girlfriend to you, could you show me all the different places on Earth?" She asked so sincerely and honestly, I almost hated to lie to her. 

"I have a job. Sorry." 

I walked off and began to think about what I was going to eat when I got to watch Turtle Ballroom Dancers. My phone kept buzzing nonstop. The production team had questions. The make-up crew wanted my opinion on looks. Set Design had some malfunctions. This is why I had minions! Stop asking me all of these little things.  All I wanted was some peace and quiet and see turtles in tuxedos. 

Before I could make some headway to my car, the sound of clunky footsteps trailed behind me. I knew right away my night wouldn't go the way I wanted. "What is it?" 

"I have nowhere to go. Recently, I had been sleeping around the area but that was before I knew anyone. Also, I'm hungry."

I realized immediately why I hadn't had a girlfriend since middle school, let alone one robot that loved the smell of motor oil. But in a way, it was charming. 

"Fine. You can stay with me for now, but you really need to take a shower and clean yourself. Burn those clothes. As for food, I guess I can buy some gasoline for you."

Her eyes lit up for the first time. Who knew a feeling could come from seeing a robot smile? Clearly, I was losing it. Anytime now I expected the producers to come out with piñatas and a mariachi band with shakers and sombreros. 

"When you say 'buy' is that a term of attaining something?"

But for now, I'm stuck living with a robot.

***