IV. defeat road

I believe, even now, that it would’ve been an appropriate debut. I had a crowd, a segue, and a relatively good idea. 

Then... what happened?

Where did my voice go?

Why did my fingers refuse to move?

Why did my audience seem like a mob?

“Ra—your highness?” That was Selene’s voice.

I wasn't supposed to feel this until the end of the game, this... debilitating sensation.

Aelius mumbled, "What's... why is she... huh!?" That was probably him noticing the bridal carry. Predictably, Selene dropped him. 

Strange. 

Very strange. 

Things were happening around me, but it didn't feel like it.

It felt like... what? What was this?

Kiya glanced at me, at the crowd, and at the city. Finally and with characteristic eloquence, she bellowed, "POWWOW!"

Against the floor, she spun her bow so fast that it resembled a fan, summoning a… what was the name? Air Tornado or something idiotic like that. Unfortunately, the one who’d named most starter towns and spells left mid-development before Kiya’s banner, so where Selene had attacks with names such as Silver Dance of a Thousand Frozen Tears, Kiya had… Air Tornado. And Rock Attack, but she only had herself to blame for that last one. 

Air Tornado + Rock Attack = Powwow! That was the canonical name for her strongest dual spell. Also her fault. Combining wind and earth magic, a whirlwind of dust, pebbles and gems (they were fake) exploded between us and everyone else. The ground shook. My would've-been-audience screamed, scampering about.

"Your Highness!" Kiya cried, "Can you move now? Head to my personal chambers at the barracks! I'll be there shortly! POWWOWOW!"

It was a curious thing. How could she possibly have come to the conclusion that I wanted to run? Why cause a scene to distract the mob?

I humored her, though. 

So much for a debut. While others ran and screamed, I headed to the barracks, hopping over a few flying boulders on the way.

I'd read and watched and listened to many, many bards. It should've been easy to improvise a song, shouldn't it? Then why... that? Why happened? Why did I freeze?

Upon reaching Kiya's room, I saw on her bed. It was unmade. There were clothes on the floor. A heap at the corner had critically endangered fungi growing upon it. "You can be my audience," I told it, as Kiya's powwows came to an end.

Soon, Selene and Kiya broke into an argument, as they so often did during story cutscenes. Her, because she mistrusted him and scrutinized his every move. Him, because he couldn't fathom the idea of someone having a single braincell with a one third chance of malfunctioning at any given moment. Either they were that close, or that loud.

No matter.

The lyre was tuned already. I strummed, then sang:

the

The...

it's much harder than it seems

to sing on a whim

and

And...

something something... dream?

There was a reason why I wanted to go to Amuriy, the city of song.  Illogically, there was a single school of music in Sherepaha, and it was there. According to player surveys, it had the best soundtrack in the game. I had to listen to it. To learn. Of course, I'd learned a few songs by ear—namely the tracks in my palace, imperial city, and my boss theme—but it wasn't the same as composing something.

Lyrics, take two: 

there once lived a

begone you absolute pissant

Aelius had slipped through the window. "We need to talk," he needlessly talked.

I glanced at him the way one would a cockroach, but when I turned to the lyre once more, my fingers... froze. Again. The crowd came to mind. The silence. The nausea. I had to clear my throat twice. "If this 'talk' concerns the end of the game," I said, "then it is a meaningless one. If killing me would soothe your soul, then so be it. I accept. But you'll have to defeat me first."

"I cannot defeat you at my current level. We both know that."

"Which is exactly why I brought it up."

He sighed; this disturbed me to the point I had to look at him again. Aelius, sighing? He was the only playable character without that animation. "I can't," he said, leaning against the wall. "I'm done with this bullshit. Done with being a hero against my will. Done with... you. Done with Selene. Everyone. I don't care anymore. I have lost everything. Everything." He clenched his fist to his chest, closing his eyes.

"...huh." I failed to believe the literal symbol of hope could be saying this. Then again, he'd wished for deletion back during our earlier encounter. "And you are telling me this because...?"

"Because we're not so different you and I."

I leered at him. "Excuse me? That is my line. And we are very different. For one, I don't wallow in despair the moment I'm allowed to go off-script."

"No? Then what was your deal earlier?"

"Earlier?"

Aelius smirked. He still had his fist on his chest, so this lost some of its effect. "Neither you nor I are fools, Rafaela. You know very well what I mean: stage fright."

"I do not feel fear," I said. "You of all people should know; the first time I feel it will be a second before you slay me... or would've slayed me, had we reached that point. In any case, I would rather have you wallow in self-pity than this. Must I remind you your quest was for naught? You will never avenge your parents."

"I don't care about my parents. They're nameless entities in a script."

I blinked.

"They were never alive to begin with. I'd rather fight for ghosts than lies. And you? Aren't you the same way? Isn't that why you're deserting?"

I had to take a moment to respond. His earlier declaration had been chilling, sure, but now I couldn't help but wonder what he must've thought as he yelled about vengeance over something that didn't exist, just because he 'had to'. Just how much did he say or do because the script mandated it? If we truly were 'not so different', then he should've known that he had a baseline amount of control over his own actions. If not, then I certainly wouldn't have learned to play the lyre during my free time. 

"No," I replied. "I don't mind. I'm just deserting because there's no reason to play pretend anymore. I never did much conquering to begin with. You should know."

"You could conquer now."

"Conquer what? The void outside of the map?"

"The remaining rebel territories."

"What a terrible hero you are," I said, "Prompting your sworn enemy to do what—"

"I tried to to prevent? Bah! Me, or the me from the game?"

I'd always made it a point not to look at him directly. Just then, however, I was tempted to. 

"Who am I, anyway?" Aelius continued. "My dialogue options are meaningless. I'm the only character whose name can be changed. You're the only one who... knows. Only you and I have seen the story to the end. At least you get death as a path to freedom. I get a love interest I've yet to meet, a kingdom I don't care for, and debilitating PTSD. According to the GAME. I just... I'm just..."

"Selene and Kiya are approaching," I said. "Choose your words wisely."

"Why should I?"

"...oh, dear."

"Just make the outline public. Who cares? It's not like it'll happen anymore."

He was right and I knew it, but something felt... off. It was one thing to casually murder and another to casually drive others insane. While all of us knew what we were and our place in the... universe... most of them did not have to think. 

"Where are you going?" Aelius asked. "I tried to end my life earlier, so I was unable to hear this."

That explained why he'd been unconscious. "Amuriy," I replied. "I'm becoming a bard. Bother me with your presence and I will murder you every time you respawn."

"Fine by m—a bard?"

"A bard."

"A bard?" Selene had walked in.

"Yes."

"Yes to what?" Asked Kiya, who followed.

"She says she's becoming a bard." That was Selene.

"A BARD?"

"A b—"

I cast a spell to kill everyone present.