Super Prologue! 💖

Ever been super slapped?

Slapped so hard you see stars in your eyes, and not much else?

Slapped so silly you end up swearing, probably in some sort of whacked-out state of barely conscious delirium, that you can hear birds chirping as they circle your spinning head?

Slapped so vigorously you feel like you just took a nap in a washing machine, and the world, spiraling around you, seems to agree?

Slapped — and this is the important part, the part that sets a super slap apart from just your typical garden-variety non-super slap — at the absurd confluence of such an insane set of stupidly improbable, borderline impossible, circumstances that you feel that at that moment, the moment of awful impact, pretty much no one in the world has it worse?

No?

Lucky you.

I have.

This is the story of how and why.

Take it as a cautionary tale, if you like. A warning narrated and, unfortunately, experienced firsthand by yours truly. A life lesson, if you will. A more-than-decent reminder that if you ever find yourself in a situation where you — yes, you — think you might be about to get super slapped?

Run.

Run as far as you can.

And then, when you’ve gone as far as you can go, your heart racing and your lungs pounding and your legs about to give out where you stand?

Run even farther.

Cause the thing about getting super slapped?

It hurts!

To be continued!