Optimistic

I thought of myself to be a career-oriented person. I loved the idea of getting filthy rich or becoming a millionaire at least, on an ethical note. I loved the idea that I can build up a great professional career for myself, regardless of whether I am passionate or not in my field. It was all about the money, and I firmly believed that money buys happiness. You can buy all the things you wanted or loved, all the things you needed, with money.

Until... I decided to involve myself in planting and nurturing flowers and other plants. I found excitement and happiness in the idea of creating, raising, and nurturing life. It was beautiful and admiring seeing the flowers and plants grow day-by-day. In a week, they grew into this. In another, into that. And another, and that. And in the end, the best part was not only it grew to be a fine, beautiful, and healthy living thing, but also being a reason for its growth and outcome, what it was before compared to the now.

After some time, I found myself being a babysitter at times or when babies engaged on staring contests with me only for them to want to be held in my arms, reaching to me and crying when they could not.

And I just watched and laughed at how cute that was, especially when they belonged to people I do not know. Their families comforted their cries and acknowledged me, smiled as I waved back at them and the baby.

A cute encounter that I often came upon. I could not help but have thoughts of... It must feel great to be a parent, to have a child you can raise.

I knew parenthood takes a toll on the adults, but the love and thrill that came along with it must be worth it for those who aspired and achieved to be one.

The idea of parenthood had brought me to discover that I am a family-oriented person. I knew deep in my heart as my thoughts resonate that this...is what I want. I want to become a parent, a great father who can provide for his family, who can nurture his children, who can support them in achieving their dreams.

But to be family-oriented does not mean to discard being career-oriented. I believed that to be a family-oriented person and achieve the goals and dreams associated with that meant to be career-oriented for practical reasons. Everyone wanted good pay, good work, and a good life—the balance of everything. That is why I thought I may have settled on my dreams of being a father, but I need to also dream big on my career...for a family I hope one day I could create and take care of.

I had set up my plans after college in achieving my dreams regarding my career, specifically about Network and Cloud Infrastructure. But what about dating? What about having to choose someone whom I might see spending my future with? To others, this was quite early for me to decide, but for myself, I thought I am ready. If I found it difficult to find a potential in my proximity or had a bad experience in online platforms of anonymity, then maybe I should try out online dating platforms or apps... which was what I did.

I knew the dangers of going into this online dating apps thing. I had seen what it had done to my other friends that tried this before. Some got heartbroken really bad multiple times, others enjoyed and flexed their increase in body count or hookup numbers, and I feared getting my hands dirty because of how tainted dating apps had become at this point.

So I asked one of the girls in my friend group who had used it before, "What should I expect when using this yellow app?"

"Uhhh, it's not a good experience for me," she answered. "As a girl, it was hard to me to find a guy that is proper in conversations. Guys there are often inappropriate. I don't really suggest getting into that app at all..."

But I am a guy who was looking for a girl and not a guy... I am straight.

"How about girls there?" I followed up.

"Girls... Well..." she hesitated a bit, thinking carefully on her response. "It really depends. We can say the same thing. Some girls could be inappropriate in conversations. Some would just want to flirt and not commit as they crave and find joy in validation of sorts. That's how messed up dating apps are now..."

"What are the chances of me finding a girl that is appropriate to talk to?" I followed up.

"Who knows..." she responded with an honest expression, like a blank paper. "Most of what I experienced and what I heard from others were pretty bad. I want to be realistic here. You, too, might end up having a bad experience like me and others.

"I see..." I carefully thought of her insights and everything else she shared.

I curiously asked, "If I did use the app to find someone, what do you think I should do?"

"Hmm... Let me think..." She carefully thought about answering this question as if she was assessing me as a person and the possibilities I might end up with when I am done using dating apps.

She said, "You're an optimistic person, which is good and bad in some ways. You might get hurt if you attach yourself too much because of how optimistic you really are when the girls in dating apps do not expect anything much. Everyone who used these apps know how messed up things are in there that they've begun to not attach themselves in anyway or any how in my opinion. I mean... there are still some who would attach themselves to who they matched with, but it really is best to not get too attached or not expect anything much just so you wouldn't get hurt."

She smiled after. I appreciated her kind and genuine responses to the questions I wondered. It made me think that I have such good friends who were considerate and realistic on how dating apps would affect me. I did not want to end up like the other friends I had nor have a taste of their experience.

Hearing her truthful response made me carefully reconsider getting into dating apps. But since I was an optimistic person, hoping to meet someone who is not part of the dirt in dating apps was what I had in mind. I installed the yellow app soon after.