Could something so pure feel so bittersweet?

The bright morning sunlight passed through my closed eyelids as I finally awoke from deep sleep. Perhaps I had dreamed something, but whatever it was, it left my mind immediately as my waking thoughts were consumed by the warmth around my body, so pleasant and comfortable I wondered if it was worth ever moving from this place again.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to see the gently sleeping face before me. The beauty of her soft features was lessened none by her sleeping state, not moving an inch other than her slow rhythmic breathing.

For the first time since I had met her, Alice Edelweiss looked… delicate. Unguarded. I had long since looked to her as a lone symbol of strength in this corrupt world, but in that moment I felt the urge to protect her instead. To stand between her and any harm that could come her way.

Perhaps I really had put her on a pedestal, and I was now finally seeing her as the normal human girl she had always been. Fierce, and strong, no doubt, but undeniably human.

There she was, the untouchable girl that I had seen as so far above me, lying in my arms and breathing softly as she slept. It was a sight that almost made my heart stop.

I’m not sure how long I laid still, completely enraptured by the beautiful face just inches from my my own. Perhaps it was a matter seconds. Perhaps several minutes. It didn’t matter to me. My heart was completely at peace for every second I spent looking at her.

The evening before, I thought it was just impure desire and need for comfort that was driving me towards her, but that tightness in my chest, the breathlessness I felt when looking at her… could it be anything but love?

Love… it was a word I had avoided thinking about all this time. Something with which I had no experience. No, even familial love was something unfamiliar to me. Between a dad who was never home and died young, and a mum who treated me worse than the dirt under her shoe, I had never once known what ‘love’ really was. I always feared I wouldn’t recognise it if it came to me. And even then and there, I couldn’t be sure of myself.

Could love ache so much? Could something so pure feel so bittersweet? Looking upon her face gave me peace and happiness, but it also tugged at my heartstrings so painfully. If love was so grandiose as everyone made it sound, how could it also make me feel this way?

Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps it wasn’t love, but just an infatuation. An unhealthy obsession. I didn’t know. I couldn’t know. But I had a week to figure it out.

One week. If, in that time, I became sure of my feelings as I hoped I would, I would confess my love to Alice Edelweiss.

“Mhh… ah- good morrow…” Alice finally began to rouse from her sleep, and greeted me with a gentle smile. I had expected her to release her hug upon waking, but to my surprise her grip on me actually seemed to tighten. “Didst þou sleep well?”

“Yeah. Best I’ve ever slept, I think.”

“I’m delyted to hear þat,” she said her cheeks going ever so slightly red, “þough we should perhaps not make a habit of þis. þe oþers may end up wiþ impyure ydeas…”

“Hehe, yeah, that’s prob'ly for the best.” We both chuckled lightly at the idea, before I added “so… should we start gettin' up anytime soon?”

“…nay. Let us stay… for just a whyle longer…”

It was strange. Everything about the situation should, in theory, have felt awkward. But it just… didn’t. It was comfortable. So comfortable. Somehow, it just felt right. Like Alice’s arms were where I belonged, and she belonged in mine in turn. Despite what I had just said, part of me wanted desperately to say otherwise. That we should sleep this way every day. That she completed me, and I would only feel whole with her at my side.

But still I doubted myself. How do you tell love apart from infatuation? I didn’t know, but in that moment I simply did not care.

In the arms of Alice Edelweiss, I was at peace.