Chapter 409 The Fool in the Barrel

She stepped closer, her boots crunching against the icy ground, and then she heard it.

Faint whimpering.

Small, miserable, and pathetic. The sound was so quiet, so broken, that it barely carried over the wind. Her hand instinctively moving to the hilt of her sword. But as she approached the barrels, she realized there was no threat here. Just Hermit.

 She was about to give him a piece of her mind, to scold him for running off and wasting her time, but then she heard him. His voice, weak and trembling, filled with self-loathing and despair.

“I’m… I’m so useless. I can’t do anything right. I couldn’t protect them. I couldn’t protect anyone. I’m just… a stupid, worthless goblin. Kaka… he trusted me. And I failed him. I failed the hatchlings. I failed Lyn. Grub and Grill. I failed everyone. I’m… I’m just a burden. A useless, pathetic burden. I… I thought I could be strong. I thought I could protect them. But I’m not strong. I’m weak. I’m nothing. Just… nothing.”

Hermit’s voice was raw with emotion, each word dripping with pain and regret. He didn’t know she was there, and for once, Suzuka didn’t interrupt. She just listened.

“I’m… I’m so stupid,” Hermit whispered, his voice trembling as he curled tighter into himself inside the barrel.

 “I’m just a stupid, clumsy goblin. I always fail. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I always mess everything up. I can’t do anything right. I’m… I’m just a useless goblin to everyone. No one likes me. No one ever has. I try to be kind. I try to help. I… I just want to be friends with everyone. I want to make them smile. But all I do is make things worse. All I do is get in the way. Everyone hates me. Everyone hurts me. And I… I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

 She could see his small frame trembling, his hands clutching his knees as he tried to hold himself together. His voice grew quieter, more broken, as he continued.

"I… I just want someone to care about me. Just once. Just one person to give me a warm hug. To tell me it’s going to be okay. But no one does. No one ever does. I’m always alone. Always. My life… it’s been nothing but pain. Every day is torture. The scars, the suffering… it’s too much. It’s too heavy. I can’t… I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep going. It’s too much."

He dug his claws into his arms, hugging himself tighter.

"Everyone just hurt Hermit! Kick, hit, yell! No hugs, no warmth, no kindness! Just pain, always pain! Master Helen… Master Helen so mean. Always mean. Always laugh at me. Call names. Mock. Never nice. Never soft. Not once! Not once did Master Helen hug Hermit! Not once tuck Hermit in! Not once say, ‘Good job, Hermit!’ or ‘Hermit, you did well today!’ I just… just want warm hug! Just once! Just once, Master Helen, tell Hermit he is good!"

He hiccupped, wiping at his eyes with a shaking hand, but the tears wouldn’t stop. He pressed his forehead against his knees, rocking faster.

"It too much… it too much, too heavy. Hurts too bad. Hermit can’t go on. Can’t do this no more. Why? Why no one love Hermit? Why Hermit so… so… nothing? No one would care if Hermit gone. No one! Master Helen probably just laugh! Say, ‘Oh, look, stupid Hermit gone!’ No one miss Hermit. No one cry for Hermit. No one ever cry for Hermit. I try so hard to be useful, to make friends, to love… but nobody ever gives me a warm hug, a kind word, or even a single bedtime story."

A sob escaped him, and he pressed his face into his arms, speaking to the empty air as if trying to convince himself he wasn’t worthless.

"Master Helen… she never cares about me. Not one bit. Every time I look for a little kindness, all I get is mockery. I long for her gentle touch, for someone to tuck me in and whisper sweet nothings, but instead, I get nothing but cold laughter and beatings."

His voice broke into a series of choked sobs.

"I'm the laughingstock of my kin! Everyone in town see me and think, ‘There goes Hermit—so pathetic, so worthless!’ I try to be friendly, I try to care, but nobody ever returns even a fraction of that love. I give everything I have, and what do I get? Pain. Rejection. Mockery! Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I'm not meant to be loved."

He paused, his voice dropping to a near whisper as if afraid the darkness might hear him.

"I… I wish I could be someone worth loving. I wish… I wish I could be strong enough that Master Helen might offer a warm hug, or at least not laugh at me. Is that too much to ask? Is it so wrong to want a little love?"

Suzuka leaned down, her golden eyes gleaming with amusement as she listened to Hermit’s pitiful rambling. A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips, and with a dramatic sigh, she finally spoke.

"Oh wow, Hermit, what a tragic little tale! Booo-hooo, little baby. Cry me a river. Oh, sorry. You go by 'Royal Sadness' these days, my bad."

Hermit nearly jumped out of his skin. His whole body jolted, even the barrel wobbled as Suzuka’s sharp voice cut through his miserable sulking.

"M-M-Master! W-Wh—!? I—I wasn’t—!!"

 "Hey, should I fetch a violin for you? Maybe write a sad song? ‘The Lament of the Most Miserable Goblin’—I’m sure it’ll be a hit!"

She tossed aside the lid of the barrel and looked at the miserable goblin covering inside, her smirk widening.

"You actually think I’d tuck you into bed at night? Uwu. Kiss you on the forehead? Tell you a bedtime story like you’re some precious little prince? Hate to break it to you, buddy, but you’re a goblin, not some pampered noble brat."

She tapped a finger against the barrel.

"Oh nooo, poor Hermit! No warm hugs? No bedtime kisses? Life is soooo unfair! Guess what? Welcome to reality, where nobody gives a damn about a whiny little goblin who trips over his own feet every five seconds!"

Her tone shifted, laced with condescension as she pointed at him.

"You wanna know why nobody takes you seriously, Hermit? Because you act like this! You sulk, you cry, you grovel for affection like some abandoned puppy! It’s pathetic! And let’s be real, if I actually hugged you, you’d probably explode into a sobbing mess right then and there. Can you imagine? I’d never get rid of you! You’d be clinging to my leg like a lost baby duck! Look, if you’re waiting for me to suddenly start treating you like my long-lost beloved child, you’re gonna be waiting a long damn time. Now wipe those tears and stop making that pathetic face before I start laughing harder."

She gave him a final, teasing smirk, then waved a hand lazily.

"Now go on, little Hermit. Come out of the barrel before I pull you out myself. Maybe if you’re lucky, someone out there has a crumb of pity to spare for you. But it sure as hell ain’t me."

In his panicked flailing, his foot slipped against the wooden interior, and with a loud THUNK, the barrel tipped over, sending him rolling across the floor like a discarded potato. He let out a strangled squeak as he tumbled out, landing face-first at Suzuka’s feet.

"Owyhee…"

Slowly, he peeled his face off the ground, his ears drooping all the way down like wilted leaves. His cheeks burned a deep shade of green, his tiny claws fidgeting against the ground.

"I-I wasn’t self-loathing! I was just… uh… j-just inspecting the barrel! Y-Yeah! Gotta make sure the barrels are… um… still round! And, uh, not leaking! I-It’s a very important goblin duty, you know!"

His voice cracked on the last word, making him sound even less convincing. He dared to peek up at Suzuka, only to find her standing over him with a smirk that practically radiated mockery.

"A-And I wasn’t talking to myself! Nope! T-That was just, uh…! T-The wind! Yeah! The wind was… whispering real sad things! W-Windy days, am I right?"

 She glared down at Hermit, arms crossed, her golden eyes burning with raw disappointment.

"You damn loser. What's next? Your gonna lick my boots? Pathetic."

Hermit flinched, his ears flattening against his skull. His small arms clutching his tiny chest.

"You ran away like a little bitch, leaving your precious hatchlings behind. Tell me, is your head so damn stupid and empty that it didn’t even occur to you to treat their injuries?"

Her words hit like stones, each one sinking deeper into the pit of his gut. He opened his mouth to say something—anything—but she wasn’t finished.

"Have you forgotten about your precious Kaka? The one who’s literally just a torso and a head? Did that not ring any fucking bells? Or were you too busy pissing yourself to think straight?"

Hermit swallowed hard. He felt small. Smaller than he already was. His trembling fingers dug into the fabric of his own ragged clothes, gripping them like they’d hold him together.

"But no. You just up and ran. The moment things got hard, the moment someone actually needed you, you bolted. Left everyone behind on the first sign of responsibility."

She leaned down, her face inches from his.

"You were responsible for their safety, you preached about how you’d protect them. You stood there, puffing up your pathetic little chest, swearing you’d be their guard like some goddamn hero. But what did you actually do? HUH?!"

Silence.

Hermit’s breath hitched. His vision blurred with unshed tears.

"You ran. That's what you did. Like a fucking coward. Left them bleeding, suffering—left them to their miserable fate. You left them to die, Hermit. That's what you did. And you dare to sob about how bad you have it? You dare?!"