For Your Good

When I opened my eyes, I was back at home. I was lying in my bed. 

Ugh... I'm home?

The sun that shines through the dirty window illuminated the room.

Wait, why does my room look like it did 10 years ago?

The dirty blue walls, posters of Deathz, my old destroyed wardrobe, my sticker-covered desk, the white plastic chair, and my old, dirty space-themed bed sheets...

"Gina! I'm here!"

The voice from outside made my heart skip a beat. 

Suddenly, the door to my room opened, revealing...

Little me?!

He was bleeding from his head, had a black eye, had cuts all over his arms, and had a mark around his neck.

Hold on... Am I dead?! Am I reliving these memories before I die?

While I struggled to comprehend the situation, the little me walked towards the window. He sat down below it, trying to hide himself.

"I can't today... I have a lot of work to do!"

The little me tried to act strong as tears flowed down my cheek.

His soft sobs pulled me out of my thoughts.

I remember it now... This was the first time I refused to go with her to the park...

How pathetic it is for this to be the last thing I see...

"I want to fly away! Want to play all day! My heart always stays with you."

At that, both I and the little me looked out the window with shocked faces.

Hikari was holding my book in which I used to write my own songs. She had a smug grin.

"H-How did you get that?! Did you steal it?!"

The little me panicked.

"Hehehe, you left it last time we practiced. You left it on the bench, and I got curious..."

She trailed off.

"C-Can you give it back, please?"

The face of my younger self was bright red.

"Nuh uh. Only if you come with me!"

I smiled at her bubbly behavior.

Maybe I was wrong... I never look on the bright side of things.

"Hey! No fair!"

The little me protested.

"Everything breaks in my head. I see the sunshine ahead. Because I—

"STOP IT!"

Younger me screamed.

"Then come down!"

Hikari teased.

"You..."

With that, the little me rushed towards the front door. I just stay in place, feeling guilty.

If I really tried... I could have become someone worthy enough to be a friend of an idol. We wouldn't have been separated. We would have been together on stage.

Tears flowed down my cheek.

DAMMIT, EVERYTHING!

My bedroom vanished before me, leaving me in complete darkness.

If I die, will I have another chance? If I don't make the same mistakes, will I be able to get closer to her? One thing is certain... I, Matsushita Gina, am a failure...

My thoughts were broken by the sound of beeping and some voices. 

Am I still alive? Dammit...

As the sound grew louder, I could see a light ahead of me.

I slowly opened my eyes. 

Ugh... My whole body hurts like hell...

Just as I was about to take in my surroundings, a familiar figure appeared in front of me.

"GI—I mean, Matsushita! Thank God you're alive!"

It was none other than the careless idol, though she wears a disguise now (a white face mask and sunglasses). It seemed like she wanted to jump on me but stopped.

Why is she here?! She could get herself in trouble with the media!

"...Why?"

She gave me a confused look.

"Why what?"

"Why... are you... trying... so hard... to see... me?"

I couldn't speak properly due to my injuries. I'm just now realizing how bad of a condition I am in.

"You are my childhood friend, idiot! Of course I'd worry about you!"

Her voice held uncertainty.

"Not... anymore... Just... forget... about... me... and leave."

Believe me, Hikari, this is for the best...

"Who said you can tell me what to do?"

She took off her sunglasses. A look of determination crossed her eyes.

"That... is... for... the better."

Please, leave me alone.

"I don't care what you think is for the better! What I'm doing right now is what I think is the best!"

Her determination stunned me. Tears formed at the corner of my eyes.

"Please... I'm... just a... burden..."

I turned my back towards her, hiding my tears. There was silence for a moment before I heard her cough. 

"I want to fly away! Want to play all day! My heart always stays with you."

My eyes went wide as she started singing that song.

She... remembers it?

A bunch of emotions stirred through me as she sang. Sadness, anger, depression, regret, and happiness. For some reason, I felt happy that she knew the lyrics.

My tears dried up by the time she finished singing, and I was smiling faintly.

"You... remember it?"

I asked in a hushed voice, turning towards her. Her eyes were now covered by the sunglasses, but streaks of tears could be seen on her cheeks. She had a big, goofy smile on her face.

"How could I forget?! You wrote that song for your crush!"

My cheeks flared, and my mouth was wide open.

How does she still remember that?!

"How... do you... remember... something... that happened... 10 years ago?!"

Her response to my question was a light chuckle.

"I always remind myself of the best time of my life."

She smiled at me, making me blush slightly.

Good thing that I didn't tell her who it was for...

When I thought about how I liked her back then, embarrassment washed over me.

Why was I even thinking of doing that?!

"Um... you okay?"

Hikari brought me out of my thoughts. She looked worried.

"N-Nothing! I was... reminiscing... about our... childhood."

I waved my hands in front of me. Her worry vanished and was replaced with a nostalgic look.

"Ah, what I'd do to go back to those days..."

"Miss Okubo!"

A loud whisper made Hikari jump from her seat. The whisper came from a man that had black hair, blue eyes, and wore a black suit. He was also wearing glasses.

"Oh... Mr. Koyanagi... I'm sorry, but I was just making sure that my friend is alright."

Hikari was sweating and smiling, nervously.

This guy must be her manager or something.

The man looked towards me before sighing, annoyance visible on his face.

I knew something like this would happen.

"So this is the friend you kept on babbling about?"

He turned towards Hikari, looking mildly infuriated.

"Yes, got any problems?"

She shot a sharp gaze at him; her face looked serious. The man got even angrier.

"I, Koyanagi Katashi, for the 8 years that I worked for you, haven't seen you act this carelessly!"

This Koyanagi guy raised his voice at Hikari. She stumbled back a bit, still holding her ground.

"So what?! I can't live the life I want?"

Hikari retorted back, pointing a finger at Koyanagi; she was angry too.

"Of course you can't! You're an idol! Get your thoughts straight!"

I actually agree with that...

He kept on shouting at her.

I have to stop them!

"ENOUGH!"

I shouted as loud as I could. They both stopped and looked towards me.

Finally, I can talk normally now!

"Listen, I'm sorry, Mr. Koyanagi, I caused enough trouble as it is now, and—"

"Wait! You didn't do anything wrong!"

Hikari cut me off. It looked like she felt guilty.

"It is my fault. I should have stayed away from you."

Guilt was the only thing I felt at the moment. It was so hard for me to look her in the eyes.

I turned my gaze towards Koyanagi.

"I promise that I will stay away from her from now on. We were friends as kids, but I know that I'll burden her now."

Koyanagi was left speechless for a moment before he nodded.

"I'm glad that you can think rationally. Should we head out now, Miss Okubo? The production crew is awaiting you."

He turned towards her and gestured towards the door. Hikari turned her gaze towards the floor, but I caught a glimpse of her teary eyes.

"Matsushita... no, Gina... you idiot!"

Those were the last words she said to me before leaving the room with Koyanagi close behind.

Now that I'm alone, I realize how monotone the room was. White walls, checkered colored tiles, a heart monitor, an infusion pump, and a nightstand. There were lavenders with a "Get well soon" card on the nightstand. I took the card and opened it.

I hope you get well soon, brother! Please, don't leave me!

Konno, 11.3.2053.

Ah, it's Konno—WAIT, WHAT!? 11th March?! If I remember correctly, it was 5th March when the accident happened.

Opening the drawer of the nightstand, I find 5 more "Get well soon" cards. In that moment, the door of my room slightly opened. Peeking around the edge of the door, Konno looked towards me. Seeing me awake, she flung the door wide open. It looked like she came straight from school, as she was wearing her uniform.

"BROTHER!"

"Hey, Ko—AGH!"

She jumped at me and started crying.

"I don't know what I would have done if you..."

Her face was buried in my chest.

"Hey, calm down. You're sixteen years old."

I lightly pushed her away.

Gosh, she's just like a kid.

"You're my only family! I don't care if I seem childish."

Konno said with a determined look.

"Well, you don't need to worry anymore. Everything will be fine."

I said with a smile, pretending to act optimistically.