I Just Wanted to Go to the Washroom

Isn't it strange that people cry when they're happy? I've never understood it. It makes sense to cry when you're sad, and even when you're angry. So why do people cry when they're happy? We don't smile when we're depressed. We don't laugh when we're frustrated. I had never given it much thought, but in that moment, holding the hands of my best friends as we apologized with tears in our eyes, I understood. I wasn't crying because I was happy; my tears were just a way of shedding the negative emotions that had constricted my heart.

"My eyes are all puffy now," I sniffled, wiping my nose with the sleeve of my robe. "We're about to have an audience with the king and I look like a swollen eyed pomegranate."

"There, there," Yssa cooed, patting my hair with a tired smile. "I'd be looking worse than you if my body wasn't constantly healing itself."

"Then what about Remmi?! She was crying as much as I was but her eyes are completely fine!"

"What can I say?" Remmi shrugged with a smug grin. "Not everyone is blessed with flawless skin like I am."

"Flawless? Don't listen to her, Yssa. When we were teenagers, Remmi used to put—"

A flurry of red and gold surrounded me and a soft palm held my mouth shut before I could finish my story. "On my life I will never permit you to share that story!"

"But it sounds interesting," Yssa said with a grin while I struggled to push Remmi off of me. "I want to know more about the REAL Remmi."

Remmi's sharp olive cheeks flushed and she avoided Yssa's goading gaze, giving me an opening to push her off of me. I had wondered how much Yssa had heard that day. Remmi's secret was out, though it wasn't much of a secret to begin with. Leaving out contractions and using a few fancy words feels didn't give off a "formal" tone anyways. It was only Remmi's reserved nature and general silence that made the illusion possible.

"I implore you to keep this secret to yourself." Remmi's shoulders sagged, her head hanging in defeat. This, of course, only instigated Yssa further.

"Tis but a shame that you feel no remorse for your flagrant deceptions, Remmi. Were you more repentant, I may have found it within my heart to forgive you of your transgressions. Yet here you sit continuing to lather your speech with pretension."

"Wow," I said wide eyed. "You sound like a real aristocrat when you talk like that, Yssa."

Like Remmi, Yssa's pale cheeks flushed and she flipped her face away from me. "I AM a real aristocrat, Alva. I just prefer to forgo haughty speech that my family's peers use. It's annoying when people don't just say what they mean and every other word is dripping with malice."

"Pretension… Haughty…" Remmi's tanned skin had lost its color as she stared into the air, swaying like a dejected ghost. "I just wanted to avoid sounding like a country bumpkin."

"Well let this be another lesson on how you're not suited to stand by Alva. She deserves someone who knows more than just how to freeze and smash things, someone with sophistication and social know-how."

"Not suited? Not ten minutes ago you were acting like a moody child, throwing a tantrum that said 'woe is me, please notice'."

Emerald and sapphire fires burned in Remmi and Yssa's eyes and I couldn't help but smile happily as I listened to the familiar sound of their bickering. It was only natural that we'd change as people as we grew older, but I prayed our dynamic would remain the same at its core even when we were all hunched and wrinkled like Lady Venna.

"There's someone watching… oh never mind," I sighed, leaving the other two to work through their spat and walking over to the maid patiently waiting at the edge of the room. "Excuse me, could you tell me where a washroom is? I'd like to freshen up before our audience."

"Of course, My Lady," the raven-haired maid said, expressionless. "It is just down the hall to the right. Would you like me to accompany you?"

I looked back to the sofas at Yssa and Remmi and shook my head. "If there's no one to watch my friends, there's no telling what could happen. I can ask Dame Esther to escort me."

"Very good," the maid replied, guiding me across the room and holding the door open for me. "I will take good care of them."

"Thank you," I said uncomfortably. That was another reason I didn't have lofty goals. There was no way I'd be able to enjoy life if I was surrounded by people so uptight. "Yssa, Remmi, I'll be right back."

Both women's heads snapped to me, their dispute dissipating like fog on a spring afternoon.

"Should we come with you?" they asked in unison. For once they were unfazed by their synchronicity.

"It's fine. I'm just going to freshen up and try to get rid of this puffiness."

That was the only flaw of the cleaning spell I normally used to fix my appearance. It could easily remove the tears from my face, but it couldn't do anything to reduce the swelling in my eyes. If I'd thought ahead, I would have brought a salve I'd concocted and we were too far from the academy for me to create a portal to my hidden storage room.

I have a few ingredients in my bag, but they're for emergencies like another dragon attack. Then again, what's going to happen at the imperial palace? It'd be irresponsible to hoard ingredients when I actually need them. Whatever, I'll come up with something after I wash my face.

"Esther?" I called, looking around the hallway for any sign of the petite knight. "Could I ask you a favor?"

In a flash of silver-steel Esther appeared in front of me like she had during our initial introduction and I braced my ears.

"OF COURSE, LADY ALVA. IT WOULD BE MY HONOR."

"T-thanks. It's nothing major, I was just hoping you'd escort me to the nearest washroom."

"GLADLY! PLEASE JUST FOLLOW ME AND WE WILL ARRIVE MOMENTARILY."

"I appreciate it," I sighed and I could hear Remmi and Yssa snickering in the room behind me just before the maid closed the door. "Lead the way."

With a (thankfully) silent gesture, Esther led down the wide, extravagantly decorated hallway. A rainbow of colors lit our way from the stained glass windows obscuring the small garden I'd noticed early. It was like walking through a small forest during the peak of fall with the shining white floors and walls glowing from the warm browns, oranges, and yellows shining through the windows.

But this is strange. The maid said it was just down the hall, but we've been walking for several minutes.

My stomach tightened with each step I took after the thought and I lightly gripped my wooden wand concealed in my blue sleeve with a sweaty palm. My other hand instinctively checked to make sure I hadn't left my magic bag in the sitting room with my winter attire and the anxiety crushing my accelerating heart lessened as I stroked its swayed leather. It didn't bring much, but I had enough to make a signal potion if I needed it.

"Where are we going?" I finally inquired when Esther paused at the entrance to the garden. Though it seemed vulnerable to the outside weather, dozens of flowers that would be expected to bloom in spring and summer were in full bloom creating rainbows of color. The chilling wind of the outdoors was absent, implying there was some sort of weather barrier in the garden, transforming the garden into a pseudo greenhouse. Most impressive, however, was the six-tier, white onyx fountain adorned with dozens of mastercrafted lion statues that spewed water clearer than glass.

"THE WASHROOM IS JUST PAST THE GARDEN."

"But the maid said there was one just down the hallway." I tried to keep my tone neutral, not wanting to accuse Esther of anything in case it was just a misunderstanding.

"THAT WASHROOM IS CURRENTLY BE RENOVATED. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE." While the volume of Esther's speech was as deafening as ever, there was a glint of trepidation in her voice.

If it were under renovation, there's no way the maid wouldn't have known. I might not know much about high society, but there's no way the maid would have forgotten. Still, I should give Esther the benefit of the doubt. She is Vice-Captain of the royal guard.

"That's… unfortunate. Thank you for clearing that up, Esther."

The short knight gave an enthusiastic salute in response before stepping into the garden and for the first time I noticed the oddities in her figure. Until now, I'd only paid attention to her height and loud manner of speech, but on closer inspection, her appearance was rather odd.

Firstly, each movement she made was silent even though she was covered head to toe in heavy plate armor. Secondly, her hands seemed larger than they should be for her size. Aside from being as large as the hands of a man three times her size, her fingers were unsettlingly long almost like someone had sewn an half an extra finger on each of hers. Finally, the sword she wore on her hip seemed standard like the other knights' but I didn't miss the small amount of Aethik exuding from it.

It's so familiar. It's not an elemental, durability, or physical enhancement enchantment. Could it be… Dammit! It's on the tip of my tongue…

It was dumb luck that the sword that had consumed my thought missed me. My body backstepped before my mind processed what was happening and as I looked down at the twelve inch wide, eight foot long blade embedded in the granite pathway of the garden, it slowly sank in how close I'd come to dying. The sword would have easily cleaved me cleanly in two if I hadn't dodged. What was more surprising, however, was who my ambusher was.

"What in Baaln's name are you doing, Esther?!" I demanded, glaring and drawing my wand on the knight. "Why is the Vice-Captain of the guard trying to kill me?"

"That is none of your concern," Esther hissed within her pointed-snout helm. "But just accept that your demise was fated by powers you could never comprehend."

"Fated? Fuck that!" A small flame the size of a child's ball ignited at the tip of my wand and shot at the knight… only to be extinguished when it made contact with her shining armor. I fired several more while stepping away from Esther to create distance, but she batted those away with ease, swinging her obnoxiously large sword one-handed like it was made of paper.

"You are only prolonging the inevitable," the knight said in a sultry voice that contrasted her child-like stature. "Without your friends, you are nothing and before you scream for help, know that this garden is completely cut off from the outside world."

So it was a trap. Why? Maybe it's another test by Lady Venna? Then how much should I be worried? She didn't actually hurt any of us in her office, so if I get cut by Esther's sword will I be fine?

As if to answer my question, Esther's blade lunged at my head, nipping my cheek and trimming several strands of my brown hair. The cut stung and a thin trickle of blood ran down my face, dripping onto the sky blue flowers at my feet. She was fast. Fast enough to kill me before I could defend myself. So why was she toying with me?

"Why didn't you kill me? I didn't even have time to react to that thrust and would have died instantly. So what's your game?"

"Game?" Esther's body trembled silently as she lowered her sword to her side. "That's just a mage to call something of import a game." Her voice was like an orchestra playing a symphony in my ears, but I didn't miss the venom dripping from every syllable. "And you… You're the worst of them all."

"What did I ever do to you? To anyone?"

Callous laughter echoed in the darkness of Esther's helm and she stabbed her gargantuan sword into the dirt beside her. "The answer to your question is sitting down the hall. You mages never care about others, though trash like you that experiments on the ones that trust them are the scum of the cesspool your kind festers in."

"Are you talking about Yssa and Remmi? I didn't experiment on them. I would never do that to them!"

"So you claim that your friend intentionally consumed the Flesh of the Allfather? No human is that idiotic. No, it's clear that you tricked her to further your work. You've only avoided responsibility because Lady Alucant has been brainwashed like the other fools that attend your wretched academy."

Does she know Yssa personally? That can't be it, Yssa would have said something or at least acted like she recognized her. Then does she work with someone close to Yssa? Maybe a knight who used to serve her family? There's no way. No one would forget someone like Esther. Plus, she's the Vice-Captain of the Royal Guard. That's a position that takes years to obtain.