Rumor mill roundup with Fifi and Filipa

"Welcome back! This will be our final segment of the program before we announce the pairings for the next round. What? Surprised we're doing them early? Well, the original point of holding off on announcing the pairings was to give players the chance not to think about their future opponents and enjoy the day, but both due to some deliberation and my own desire to take a break, after the hell I've been subjected to, we decided that the broadcast will end with the reveal of the pairings. But before that, let's focus on what was originally meant to close out the broadcast, the rumor mill!" Kisha declared as images of 5 women appeared on screen.

Despite all that had happened to Kisha, rumors and gossip were her bread and butter, and could easily perk her up even when her mood was at it's lowest. And she most certainly had some juicy rumors to share today.

"First up, some weird happenings here in Budapest. It's come to my attention that something's been kind of off with the Mexican women's team. For the first two days of the tournament, none of it's members showed up to the playing hall, and before you assume it was due to them arriving late or being out sick, all members of the team were fit as a fiddle and present during the opening ceremony. They were also seen roaming around the hotel on the nights of the first two rounds as well. But the crazy thing is that on all the days they showed up at the playing hall, it was raining and the sun wasn't showing Kind of weird. And before you ask, we do have actual bona fide vampires competing and they all went to the playing hall when it was sunny out. I'll have to dig into that. Anyway, on to the next topic."

The images of the five women vanished as an image of D.R. Passant flashed onscreen.

"Next up, heard something weird was heard from the Bermuda party room after hours. Not sure what, but someone claimed "Nega-energy" or whatever was leaking from the room and when they peeked inside, they reportedly saw the 6B tank filled with glowing fluid and D.R. Passant, all blue and surrounded with "Nega-energy" working the DJ turntable. Sounds like someone pulling my leg if I'm being honest."

The image of D.R. Passant vanished, but a new image didn't immediately pop up onscreen just yet.

Kisha took a deep breath before turning her attention back to the camera. "Next up... Le Mime!" Kisha declared as an image of a creepy bald and browless person with their face painted white with mime makeup appeared on the screen.

This was France's infamous Le Mime, a mysterious person who's true identity was unknown.

"Is he just some guy? Secretly a woman, or maybe an alien from another world? Nobody knows when it comes to Le Mime. All we know is that he doesn't talk, he's creepy as fuck, though mimes in general usually are, and he's on France's men's team for the tournament. And well, HE'S CREEPY!"

Video then played of Le Mime doing mime things, all with an unsettling smile plastered on their face. To make things more unsettling, Le Mime always seemed to wear the exact same set of clothes 24/7, and never seemed to make any slip-ups that could lead to their true identity being exposed. There was even an incident where Le Mime entered a public bath and bathed fully clothed, and without letting their makeup wash off, assuming of course Le Mime was even wearing makeup.

The creep factor surrounding Le Mime was the primary source of the rumors surrounding them, but there was also something a bit more sinister too. Nearly all who dug too deeply into Le Mime's origins either died or went missing. But in the case of the latter, they were either dead, held hostage, or brainwashed into joining the cult of Le Mime, a cult made up of people who sought to look and dress just like Le Mime.

Ironically enough, this cult was arguably the lightning rod that sprouted so many conspiracy theories as to Le Mime's true identity. With how far cult members were going to make themselves look just like Le Mime, some began wondering if the Le Mime claiming to be Le Mime really was THE Le Mime. The only certainties were the fact that Le Mime was creepy and surrounded with mystery.

"Ok, enough of that footage. But speaking of France and true identities, think you know where this next segment will go. Come on in!" Kisha called out.

Fifi nervously smiled as she walked onto the set, waving to the camera before sitting down at the couch.

"Nice to have ya, now first thing's first, you know anything about Le Mime?" Kisha asked.

The question eased some of Fifi's angst, as she told all that she knew. "Le Mime joined the team, but he's rarely there with anyone, usually doing his own thing. If he shows up to play though, he plays, but sometimes he doesn't, making things really difficult for the team due to the rules preventing maestros from participating in more than 8 games. Ah! Maybe I shouldn't have said that!"

"Too late, but don't worry, that creepy mime tries to get ya, film every second of it."

"No, that's not what I'm concerned-"

"Anyway, enough buttering you up. Time for the real question on everyone's mind. Fifi Bealieu, are you also Filipa Barbosa?"

Fifi began to get defensive. "What are you even talking about? I don't even know who this "Filipa" is that everyone's always accusing me of being."

"Oh, OK. Figured you'd get defensive, so we'll play a little chess to settle the matter," Kisha smirked as she summoned a board with her WWCF card.

"Want to lose again?"

That only happened because of that physical board. This time I'm using the WWCF card's board. Three minute blitz?"

"Very well."

Kisha nodded and opened the game by moving her pawn to e4, to which Fifi responded to by moving her pawn to e6.

"The French Defense? Talk about boring," Kisha scoffed as she moved her pawn to d4.

"I think this interview is pointless. I'm not this "Filipa Barbosa"," Fifi grumbled as she moved her pawn to d5.

"Then why do you two look and sound so similar and never been seen at the same time in the same place!?" Kisha asked as she moved her knight to d2.

"Coincidence perhaps?" Fifi sighed as she moved her pawn to c5.

"Maybe, if it weren't for the fact that there have been so many attempts to get you two together that end in failure!" Kisha countered as she captured the pawn at d6 with her e-pawn.

"What do you mean by that?" Fifi glared as she captured the pawn at d5 with her queen.

"You're an SPCM, she's a DSPCM. How the hell do you two not encounter each other at work?" Kisha asked as she moved her g-knight to f3.

"Coincidence? There's a lot of DSPCMs out there, and everyone's on different time zones," Fifi grumbled as she captured the pawn at d4 with her c-pawn.

"Nope, you're Filipa," Kisha declared as she moved her bishop to c4.

"Am not," Fifi glared as she moved her queen to d7.

"Well when I win I'll be getting the secret out of you anyway," Kisha smirked as she moved her queen to e2.

"Then I'll just save you the disappointment I'm not Filipa," Fifi snarled as she moved her bishop to d6.

"I don't believe you," Kisha scoffed as she moved her knight to d3.

Fifi let out a frustrated groan and moved her knight to f6.

"Ah, upset your secret's about to be exposed? Well too bad, I'm in a bad mood and need some gossip to heal my soul," Kisha sneered as she castled king's side.

"If that's the root of your motive, you're morally corrupt. Oh, and who said you were winning? Check," Fifi scoffed as she captured the pawn at h2 with her bishop.

"Well you're reckless, but that tone and playstyle reminds me of Filipa," Kisha smirked as she moved her king to h1.

"In that case, I'll just remain silent and let the chess speak for itself," Fifi huffed as she moved her bishop to d6.

"Let it. It'll be a great indicator that you're really Filipa," Kisha cackled as she moved her rook to d1.

Fifi simply shot Kisha a silent glare as she castled king's side. Seeing that Fifi's lips weren't going to unseal themselves, Kisha decided to drop the vocal interrogation and silently moved her pawn to c3. Fifi moved her knight out to c6 as Kisha moved her knight to e4, prompting Fifi to capture said knight with her knight. But now Kisha could capture said knight with her queen, putting it in a powerful position.

Fifi didn't seem concerned and captured the pawn at c3 with her d-pawn, prompting Kisha to capture said pawn with her b-pawn. Fifi's next course of action was moving her pawn to b6, to which Kisha responded to by moving her bishop to b5, sensing a big opportunity. It was an opportunity that soon became reality as Fifi moved her knight to e7, opening a direct firing line from Kisha's queen to her rook.

"And thank you for playing so recklessly, Miss Filipa. A rook for me, and none for thee," Kisha snickered as she captured the rook at a8 with her queen.

"Oh really? Then let the chess tell you something; you're fucked," Fifi smirked as she moved her bishop to b7.

For the first time in the game, Kisha began to panic. "Shit! My queen is trapped! Where can I go!? No... No... Aha!" she thought as she captured the pawn at a7 with her queen.

"Nope, you fell for the trap and took my rook. Check," Fifi proudly huffed as she captured the pawn at g2 with her bishop.

Kisha could only click her tongue in frustration as she captured the bishop at g2 with her king and watched as Fifi captured the queen at a7 with her queen. At this point, things were hopeless for Kisha, but nonetheless she played on, pride refusing to let her resign. Bishop f4, queen a8, check, f3, bishop captures f4, knight captures f4, knight f5, it was all cleanup for Fifi at this point, yet Kisha still played on, despite her dejection increasing with every move. King f2, queen b8, knight e2, queen h2, check, king e1, knight e3, d-rook b1, rook d8, knight d4, e5, rook b4, and finally after knight c2, check, Kisha blundered into mate in two by capturing the knight at c2 with her knight.

Fifi saw it and immediately moved her rook to d2, causing Kisha to sink her hands into her face before dejectedly moving her pawn to a4.

"Checkmate. Now never ask if I'm Filipa ever again," Fifi huffed as she moved her queen to f2, winning the game.

"Ugh, fine. I'll just ask Filipa if she's really you then," Kisha grumbled.

"No, you-"

"Hmmm? Why not? I only can't ask YOU if you're Filipa. But you saying I can't ask Filipa if she's you would mean..."

Fifi clicked her tongue in frustration and stormed away before Kisha could finish.

"Aw, the mystery remains unsolved, but I'd say even though I lost, I came out the big winner. Guess that's why they say losing can be good. Anyway, one final commercial break, then it's onto the final segment, the announcement of the pairings for the next round!"

The full game:

White: Kisha Shinbun (2024) Black: Fifi Bealieu (2400)

1. e4 e6

2. d4 d5

3. Nd2 c5

4. exd5 Qxd5

5. Ngf3 cxd4

6. Bc4 Qd7

7. Ne5 Qc7

8. Qe2 Bd6

9. Nd3 Nf6

10. O-O Bxh2+

11. Kh1 Bd6

12. Rd1 O-O

13. c3 Nc6

14. Ne4 Nxe4

15. Qxe4 dxc3

16. bxc3 b6

17. Bb5 Ne7

18. Qxa8 Bb7

19. Qxa7 Bxg2+

20. Kxg2 Qxa7

21. Bf4 Qa8+

22. f3 Bxf4

23. Nxf4 Nf5

24. Kf2 Qb8

25. Ne2 Qh2+

26. Ke1 Ne3

27. Rdb1 Rd8

28. Nd4 e5

29. Rb4 Nc2+

30. Nxc2 Rd2

31. a4 Qf2#