Indefinite and Ill-Defined in the Quiet Dawn

Buzzing alerts on her silenced phone woke Kureha in the early hours of the next morning. Cool blue drifted into the room from the window, telling her that the sun had only just begun to rise. She groaned as she quietly clutched for her phone in the near dark. The messages were from Rin. Kureha’s heart rate elevated as she unlocked her screen, fearing something had happened. Thankfully her fear was immediately washed away.

“Nothing wrong. But can you come down here? With your camera, or at least your phone?”

“I wanted you to come take photos. I want to capture this morning.” said Rin’s next message.

Intrigue woke Kureha as she responded.

“Sure! I’ll head over now.” replied Kureha.

Rin loved her message.

“Shiona has a key so you can let yourself in. Stay quiet when you come in! Arata is still asleep and I want him to stay that way.”

“Got it!” replied Kureha as she slowly slid out of bed.

Shiona shifted slightly but did not wake.

Kureha fixed her pajamas and stepped into her slippers. Shiona’s spare room key to Rin and Arata’s room was on the desk nearby. Kureha grabbed it along with her phone and camera. Both made snapping noises when photos were captured, but she felt the actual camera was quieter, so she prepped it as she crept down the hall. A clever idea popped into her head as she turned the corner.

“Let’s only text, so we can stay as quiet as possible.” she typed to Rin.

“Brilliant!” replied Rin.

“What are you wanting?” asked Kureha.

“Just to capture this moment with him. For both of us. I want to surprise him. He’s so beautiful right now. And I feel so… I don’t know… but I am happy. For the first time in a long time I woke up happy.” replied Rin.

“Awwww. I’ll do my best!” replied Kureha.

Her hand raised to unlock the door, and as it whirred undone, Kureha opened the handle as quietly as possible. Thankfully the door did not creak, so Kureha was able to enter in stealth. Blue-white light from the rising sun from outside was softened in their window as it did not face the dawn. Instead, their room was bathed in a muted glow that crept from the window like a traveler and settled on the young lovers who were alone in the center of the room.

Seeing the clothes on the chair, including Rin’s undergarments, caused Kureha to blush with chaste modesty. Rin was on the side of the bed nearest the window, with Arata closest to the door. Her tiny pale hand poked up from the bed and waved to Kureha. Kureha waved back without speaking.

Rin was still undressed. Her exposed collarbones and shoulders caught the morning glow, turning near alabaster in the pale glow. Her hair was unkempt and matted on her side. It seemed as though she had been able to remove her makeup before bed, so her face was completely natural and unprepared. Small bags were visible under her eyes, which were still slightly puffy from the sleep.

As she lay there silently, Kureha observed the light and her subjects. She began to type again.

“What do you feel the most right now? What made you happy about Arata. What were you drawn to when you woke up?” she typed.

Rin blushed a grin as she began to type. As she wrote, Kureha continued to silently drift through the room and plan her shots. Light hung perfectly on the curve of Rin’s jaw where it met her neck and Kureha felt it might be the most sensually beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“You’re super hot and beautiful right now by the way!” typed Kureha.

Rin smirked and finished her response.

“Well, it felt amazing for starters. No pain or discomfort. He was such a gentleman. And he’s so handsome. And kind. I cried a little. Then a lot afterward. I had a brief moment where I imagined us older. I imagined seeing him in college, or afterwards. Even if it wasn’t me, he would have been an amazing husband or partner to someone, and I felt so sad that he wouldn’t get that, or they wouldn’t get him.”

“But then I wanted that for myself. I found myself thinking it could have been him. I could have been his wife. He’s a good man and always has been. He would have given me a nice life. Then I wondered if this was how it felt. How it felt to find that person. So I cried happy tears then. I woke up crying. It was happy crying again. I woke up with this feeling drifting through my whole body. I was afraid to acknowledge it because it might vanish if I did. But then I decided to let myself feel that joy. And I looked at this room. At him. At the door where you all were not far away, and I feel so at peace. I hope I can carry this peace until the very end, but even if I waver, I will cherish last night and this morning for strength.”

Tears welled in Kureha’s eyes as she read. She clenched her throat and blinked them away. Rin was crying again but didn’t move. Pillowed padding embraced her head and the fluffed pink comforter rested across her nearly exposed chest. Light caught the trail of tears running freely down her face as she looked up at the ceiling while trying to smile. Her eyes remained closed. Kureha began to take the photos, focusing first on Rin’s rush of tragic joy.

An occasional sniffle was the only sound beyond Kureha’s camera. After a moment, Rin’s tears increased but she controlled her breathing so that Arata wouldn’t wake. Her hands raised to cover her eyes and her stomach and waist were exposed. Still, Kureha continued to take photos. Rin’s body was tiny, even compared to Kureha. Lines of wrinkles from the press of the sheet and comforter left a line along her ribs and down her stomach. Eventually, the tears stopped, and Rin’s hands lowered. To Kureha’s surprise, she did not cover her stomach.

Her arms rested on top of the comforter, with her right hand finding its place resting on Arata’s back as he continued to rest. Kureha repositioned herself to better capture Rin’s hand placement, and after a moment Arata rolled over in his sleep and pressed the front of his body against Rin as he arm wrapped over her shoulders. An audible sigh of cuteness approval almost escaped Kureha’s lips but she caught herself in time.

Next Kureha pointed for Rin to look directly at the camera as she moved to different spots before returning for a close-up where Rin’s face was all that was in focus. Sunlight’s embrace was warmer and brighter now. The slight purple hue of the bags under Rin’s eyelids was more visible now, but Kureha thought it made the image even more beautiful. Satisfied with the captures, Kureha quickly reviewed her shoot and gave Rin a thumbs up.

Rin returned the comforter over her body and gave a return thumbs-up to Kureha as she started to type.

“Thank you!!! I cherish you. Thank you for indulging me. I can’t wait to look at them at breakfast. I can’t wait to show him!”

“You look incredible. Show him your text response too. That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. You’re a beautiful couple. Thank you for letting me capture even a moment of your wonder.” typed Kureha.

Rin nodded and Kureha slid out of the door. As she gently glided the door closed, she saw Rin pull herself close against Arata’s back and press her face into his hair as he sighed the first sign of consciousness.

Breakfast arrived and the friend group was blessed with the photoshoot’s reveal. Cheers broke out in an even mixture with sighs and exclamations of approval towards Rin’s sensual sincerity.

“I slept through all of this?!” asked Arata in genuine surprise.

“I’m a ninja!” said Kureha as she faked karate chopping his arm.

“Clearly!” he replied in a laugh.

The group got to the photos where Rin’s body was partially exposed, but Rin didn’t swipe away or hide them.

“Wow! Amazing shot!” said Kai in sincere approval.

The group leaned in to look at the images more clearly.

“This is so impressive. You feel so vulnerable,” said Riku.

“It doesn’t feel distasteful or vulgar, it feels real,” agreed Shiona.

“Amazing shot. Well done Kureha,” said Arata as he patted Kureha’s shoulder and kissed Rin’s forehead.

“And great job not backing away from it Rin! You let her capture an amazing moment,” said Shiona.

The remaining photos were reviewed and celebrated as the meager breakfast of rice was finished. Food was limited in the area, so that was all for them to eat. Bags were packed and loaded into the van. Gas was pumped and They were set to make their way towards Furano in hopes that the expansive tulip fields would be in bloom when they arrived in early April. Their route followed the coast at first before veering inward back near Asahikawa. Even though they would be passing near their hometown, not one of them had mentioned making any sort of stop.

Shiona was driving now. Riku sat in the passenger seat with her. His leg stopped him from driving easily, so he had never gotten his license. Kureha was the only other friend to not have the legal blessing to be behind the wheel.

“Sorry I can’t help more,” said Riku as Shiona merged onto a busy road.

“No no. It’s not a problem. You’re our navigator. Let me know when I need to turn so I don’t have to focus on the GPS,” said Shiona.

Indeed, GPS systems had begun to deteriorate as satellites had begun to go offline and no one was left to calibrate them. Thus, traditional old maps were becoming more necessary to navigate the world. The group had purchased a handful of maps they were lucky to find at a roadside station early in the trip, and the folded parchment now sat ready for use in the center console.

“Yeah bud, you do plenty for us. You always have,” said Kai from the back.

“You’re always our captain,” agreed Rin.

“I’d have slept through half of the school year last year if you didn’t text me every morning to make sure I was up,” said Arata.

Kureha knew Riku had always been insecure about his leg. He was never able to be successful in sports like Kai or Rin. He was never confident like Shiona. He could never easily blend into the crowd like Arata and Kureha, even though he was the quietest and most reserved of the group. His cane rested against his side in a manner that was as much an old friend as it was an old enemy. So when he made comments and apologies like that, Kureha sensed it was from a basis of semi self-loathing that he was still working through. Now, she feared the universe was robbing him of time to come to peace about himself, and he might face his end still at odds with his own being.

She almost wanted to say something, but the group’s confident, charming responses and supportive presence seemed enough at the moment.

“You do plenty,” was all she could respond.

Shiona’s hand reached across the console with her fingers open, and Riku’s fingers intertwined with hers. They had always been close. Rin used to say they had known one another in another life or maybe were two parts of the same soul. They made an attractive couple and had always been close, but had never dated or connected in any physical manner. Still, in that moment, the sight of them in the front of the van together looking out at the wide road ahead did feel like a young couple facing an open future.

Kureha’s thoughts drifted into imagining the two of them as adults and what their relationship would have looked like in ten or so years after the realities of true adulthood had set in. Her pondering stopped when she felt Rin’s arm wrap into hers.

“Thank you again,” whispered Rin.

“Thank you. It was a beautiful surprise,” agreed Arata.

“Of course, thank you for being my unknowing model,” grinned Kureha.

“I’m such a good model, I can do it in my sleep,” joked Arata as he motioned like he was lying against a pillow.

“Are you going to post it to your accounts?” asked Rin.

“What? Those?” asked Kureha.

She hadn’t thought that the photos were appropriate to share and had planned for them to be between only Rin and Arata. The idea hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“You should! They’re amazing,” said Rin.

“Yeah, I think they’re beautiful. And why not? It was a real moment that you documented,” said Arata.

Kai joined in.

“This could be your journalism path! You capture the rawest, most honest moments of people. Not planned. Not composed. Real!”

“That would be cool!” agreed Riku.

“I love it!” agreed Shiona.

Kureha was surprised at the idea. Her photo of Laura had received several hundred likes and dozens of comments. Being a photojournalist like that presented a unique challenge of running out of honesty and vulnerability, but it was a nice concept. It fit with her request back on her birthday to be truly honest together. As she thought about it more and more, the idea became more exciting.

“I could do that! That would be super cool!” she agreed as she clenched her fist in excitement.

The van cheered in approval and soon they had all picked out what photo to share. Rin then texted Kureha secretly.

“You can use my answers as your caption if you want,” she typed in blessing.

“Are you sure?” asked Kureha.

“Of course. He cried when I read it to him. I want to immortalize that feeling.”

Thus, the texts were uploaded as captions for the selected image of Rin with Arata’s arm drifting across her chest like a safety harness. Her face was in focus but her eyes were closed with tears as she cried in a smile. The darkness of the room behind them leered like an ominous shadow of what was to come, but in that moment they were safe in that bed and within each other’s embrace. Kureha uploaded the photos and found herself excitedly wondering what her next encounter with raw truth would be.