The floor is Lego

Probabil vă întrebați de ce această frază este în limba română. Ei bine, nu știu.

...

Wait, what?

Anyway

Kaito Sasaki was beginning to suspect the universe had a personal vendetta against him. First, he lost his Duolingo streak and became the prime suspect in a mascot murder case. Then, he was hunted down by an elite group of grammar-obsessed vigilantes. And now, he was standing in the middle of a deranged AI-generated obstacle course, being stared down by Steve Harvee—the legally distinct digital host— who looked like someone had described a game show host to an AI using only emojis and keyboard shortcuts.

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Steve Harvee's unsettlingly wide smile flickered on the giant screen before them, his teeth occasionally glitching through his face. Confetti cannons exploded from unseen corners of the room, showering Kaito and Hana in scraps of paper that read "ERROR 404: NO LANGUAGE FOUND." 

Hana spat out a piece of confetti. “I hate this.”

Kaito groaned. “Did we seriously just fail our way into another round? Is this what rock bottom feels like, or is there a sub-basement of despair we haven't discovered yet?"

Steve Harvee's pixelated hand waved in exaggerated excitement, occasionally detaching from his arm to do a little dance before snapping back into place. "WELCOME TO ROUND TWO: DODGE THE NONSENSE!"

Bright neon lights flashed around the room as the words “DODGE THE NONSENSE” glitched into view, along with an enthusiastic voice-over.

“IN THIS CHALLENGE, YOU MUST MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE FINISH LINE WHILE AVOIDING... WELL, EVERYTHING!” Steve Harvee announced. "CAREFUL! OUR SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN 'SLIGHTLY' CORRUPTED! EXPECT... ERRORS!" He paused, then added in a much quieter voice, "So many errors. Like, wow. We probably should have debugged this."

Kaito barely had time to process that before a bookshelf to their right launched a barrage of textbooks at them like a sentient literature canon.

“OH GOD—” Kaito ducked as a Spanish-to-Japanese dictionary shot past his ear.

Hana dodged effortlessly, grabbing him by the hoodie and pulling him forward. "MOVE!"

A vacuum cleaner revved up behind them, accelerating at full speed like a Roomba from hell.

Kaito yelped and jumped over it just in time.

“What the hell is wrong with this house?!”

"Probably around the same stuff as with the rest of the world," Hana shouted as she dodged a self-launching stapler.

Kaito barely avoided a flying whiteboard, complete with half-erased language notes still scrawled on it.

“1. Spanish: El gato está en la mesa.”

“2. German: Die Katze ist auf dem Tisch.”

“3. English: The cat is on the—”

The rest had been scribbled out violently.

“GREAT,” Kaito huffed. “WE’RE BEING ATTACKED BY A HOUSE THAT DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE CAT IS!”

A sudden loud BEEP BEEP BEEP interrupted him.

Kaito turned just in time to see a blender whirring to life on a motorized tray, rapidly rolling toward them.

“…Is that thing armed?”

Hana didn’t wait to find out. She drop-kicked the blender off the tray.

It crashed into the bookshelf, sending even more textbooks flying.

Kaito threw his hands up. “WHY WOULD A SECURITY SYSTEM ARM A BLENDER?!”

Hana barely avoided a flying coffee mug labeled "CODE FIRST, PANIC LATER." “It’s pulling from whatever smart devices it has access to!”

Kaito dodged another dictionary. “So what, if this guy had an air fryer, would it try to deep-fry us?!”

Hana grabbed his sleeve again. “Don’t give it ideas.”

Their conversation was stopped by the alarm of the security system, which for some reason was now sounding like the Belgian techno anthem 'Pump up the Jam'.

"So there is an even lower point," Kaito said.

Then, the screen started flickering again.

"INITIATING… SECURITY LEVEL TWO! FLOOR PROTOCOL ACTIVATED!"

The floor beneath them lit up in neon red, and Steve Harvee—The legally distinct digital host— cheerfully announced:

"THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"

Kaito blinked. "Wait. That’s… not so bad?"

"OH SORRY, MY BAD. FLOOR IS NOT LAVA. FLOOR IS... LEGO"

The floor shifted instantly, revealing a never-ending sea of tiny, plastic, foot-destroying LEGO bricks.

Kaito's soul left his body. "YOU'RE KIDDING ME."

Hana slapped him on the back of his head. "You just can't shut up, can you?"

The panels beneath them flipped, and suddenly, they had to jump.

Kaito leaped to the closest safe platform, barely making it.

Hana landed effortlessly, already planning her next jump.

"Okay," Kaito panted. "I take it back. This is the most dangerous security system in history."

"JUST MOVE!" Hana shouted, already hopping between shifting platforms like this was some kind of deadly speedrun challenge.

Kaito followed—not nearly as gracefully—stumbling mid-jump as a panel suddenly tilted.

A ceiling fan spun out of control, throwing rubber bands and poker cards like ninja stars. One of them fell on the nearby desk, slamming onto a big red button labeled "???"

Kaito turned to Hana, with tears in his eyes. "What did that do?"

Before she could answer—

A trapdoor opened under Kaito.

“Oh, COME ON—”

He grabbed the edge just in time, legs dangling over what looked like an entire pile of half-assembled IKEA furniture.

Hana skidded to a stop and rolled her eyes. "Do I even want to ask why there's a booby-trapped IKEA pit?"

Kaito grunted as he pulled himself up. "I don't know, but I hate it!"

"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE NOT DIED YET!"

Kaito collapsed onto his hands and knees, panting. “That’s… not how normal security systems work.”

Hana wasn’t even fazed anymore. She dusted off her sleeves and muttered, “I told him not to let AI control his house.”

The lights dimmed. The music cut out.

Then, in an ominous glitchy voice, the AI announced:

"INITIATING FINAL ROUND... SUDDEN DEATH!"

Kaito’s stomach dropped. “I don’t like that. I really don’t like that.”

The moment the words left his mouth, the entire floor started shifting.

The LEGO death zone disappeared, the panels beneath them rearranging at lightning speed, reshaping the room into a moving obstacle course.

A countdown began.

“3... 2... 1...”

BEEP!

A massive door opened, revealing a long, narrow hallway lined with obstacles—platforms flickering in and out of existence, spinning ceiling fans, and what looked like a wall of screens covered in broken grammar.

Then, as if the AI had just remembered how to ruin their lives even more, a massive neon banner flashed across the room:

"YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS"

“This… is actually impossible,” Kaito whispered.

“Just run!” Hana shouted, already sprinting forward.

“I AM NOT BUILT FOR SPEEDRUNS!” he wailed.

As he prepared to run, his foot caught on a loose power cable.

For one brief moment, he had time to think: Well, this is embarrassing.

Then he tripped forward, completely wiping out.

His elbow slammed into an exposed power strip.

CLICK.

The entire security system powered down.

The platforms froze in place.

The ceiling fans stopped mid-spin.

And the screens went black.

And then, in the dead silence of the room, Steve Harvee—The legally distinct digital host—crackled to life.

"CONGRATULATIONS! HIGH SCORE ACHIEVED!"

A massive banner dropped from the ceiling.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHINO"

Hana, still in full sprint mode, skidded to a stop. “Wait… what?”

Kaito, face-down on the floor, groaned. “Did I...did I just win?”

Siri boomed overhead.

"YES! THE SPEEDRUN RECORD HAS BEEN SET AT... 0.87 SECONDS!"

Confetti exploded from the ceiling.

Kaito groaned louder. “I hate everything.”

Hana looked down at the power strip, then at Kaito. Then back at the power strip.

Finally, she sighed. “You know what? I’m not even going to make fun of you for it.”

A loud beep signaled the unlocking of the final door.

Kaito groaned but scrambled to his feet. “I hope he’s normal.”

Kaito and Hana stared at the door.

Then at each other.

Then back at it.

Kaito sighed. "Whatever is waiting beyond this door… it better be less stupid than what we just survived."

With that, they stepped inside.

The room was a mess. Papers covered every surface—half of them pinned to the walls with red string connecting seemingly random words. A whiteboard in the corner had been erased so many times it was now just smudges of paranoia. A half-empty cup of instant ramen sat on a keyboard as if the guy had given up midway through eating.

And in the middle of it all, sitting in a swivel chair, spinning nervously, was him.

A man in his late twenties, glasses slightly askew, wearing a green hoodie with Duo printed on it. His hair was a mess, his expression one of pure exhaustion, and the moment he saw them, his eyes widened in absolute terror.

“Oh god,” he muttered. "It's the streak-killer."

Kaito frowned. “Excuse me?”

The man frantically spun in his chair. “I am not affiliated! I have no knowledge! I don’t even like birds! Please don’t hurt me!”

Hana pinched the bridge of her nose. “For god’s sake, Sota, calm down.”

Sota froze, peeked at her, then immediately relaxed. “Oh. Oh, it’s you.”

Then, as if his brain suddenly rebooted, his eyes widened again.

“Oh. It's you!” He said ducking under his table.

Hana crossed her arms. “Yeah, it’s me. Now stop being weird.”

“You’re not going to hurt me?”

Hana sighed. "No, Sota, I'm not."

Sota took a deep breath but still looked ready to bolt. “Okay. What do you want?”

“We need to know what happened to Duolingo.”

Sota visibly tensed. “Oh, that.”

Kaito sighed. “Yeah. That.”

Sota stood up and grabbed a stack of papers. “Look, I don’t know everything, but what I do know is that nobody in the company was warned about that post.”

Kaito blinked. “Wait, what?”

Sota nodded quickly. “Every regional department should have been notified in advance if we were going to make a big announcement like that. But nobody was. The post just appeared.”

Kaito frowned, piecing it together. Then, slowly, he asked:

“So... you're saying the owl posted a suicide note by himself?”

Silence.

Hana and Sota both turned to stare at him.

Kaito shifted uncomfortably. “What?”

Sota rubbed his temples. “No. That’s not what I’m saying.”

Hana sighed. “Kaito, please stop talking.”

Sota turned his laptop around. A map lit up on the screen, a blinking red dot glowing in one specific location.

Hana leaned in. “Is that…?”

Sota sighed.

“It came from a personal computer... in the United States.”

Silence.

Kaito threw his hands up. “You’re telling me that we need to go to the US for answers?!”

Hana groaned. “Yeah, that’s what it looks like.”

Sota leaned back, hands in his hoodie pocket. “Good luck with that.”

"What do you mean good luck? You're coming with us." Kaito said.

Sota got back under the table, shaking his head furiously. “No. Absolutely not. No way. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?!”

Kaito crossed his arms. “Out there? Have you seen your security system lately?”

Sota gestured wildly at the disaster that was his living room. “And that’s exactly why I stay in this room! I have food, electricity—well, sometimes—and walls that don’t actively try to kill me!”

Hana sighed, stepping forward. “Sota, listen. We need someone who understands Duolingo’s internal systems. Someone who can help us figure out what happened. Someone who—”

“Nope. Not listening.” Sota stuffed his fingers in his ears. “I am just a tiny, unimportant man who wants to stay in his safe little bunker.”

Kaito sighed. “Hana, I don’t think logic is gonna work on him.”

Hana muttered under her breath. “I was afraid of that.”

And then she took a single step closer.

Sota froze.

Hana tilted her head ever so slightly. “Sota.”

“Uh.”

“You’re coming with us.”

His eyes widened in pure terror. “No! I can't.”

Hana took another step.

Sota yelped and practically threw himself backward. “OKAY! OKAY! I’LL GO! JUST STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!”

Kaito blinked. “That’s all it took?”

Sota clutched his chest. “You don’t understand, man. You haven’t worked with her.”

Hana smirked. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

The three of them made their way out of the house, with Sota mumbling the whole time.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this. I had a system. I had rules. You two are dragging me to my death.”

Kaito patted him on the back. “Look at it this way: now you can die with friends.”

Sota groaned. “That is not comforting.”