Another Me

Another Me

***

Seyren

As I opened my eyes I could hear the heavy rain pounding against the roof. I was lying on the floor with a thin blanket cuddling my stuffed bear. I noticed one of the eyes of the bear was dangling by a thread. I wanted to fix it myself, but my father had thrown out the sewing kit not long after my mother left. This bear was the only thing she left for me.

I tried my best to keep the bear’s eye from snapping off. My father wanted to throw out this bear, but somehow I convinced him with the help of my only friend.

I sat up slowly, the stiffness in my limbs reminding me of the floor I was sleeping on. Father always told me only real men deserved the comfort of a bed. Maybe if I impress him during training today I can possibly ask for a bed. My excitement for the possibility got me leaping for just a moment, till I realised my left arm ached as I jumped.

“Agh!” I flinched.

I glanced to see a purple bruise near my elbow, the bruise was my fault for messing up during training. My father told me that injuries are common for warriors, he wanted me to be a great fighter like he was. I’ve never seen my father fight before besides swinging in the backyard while I was training. He often talked about his glory days during dinner time with me, his stories fascinated me. I wish I could see my father in action. Father briefly mentioned my mother was a part of his guild, though I don’t know what role she played.

As I got up I walked towards the cracked mirror in my room, the only piece of decoration I had. My white hair hung in messy strands, it was pointing out in all directions. I tried to flatten the strands with my hands, but it didn’t help, I caused more of a mess than before. My father often reminded me about my hair, reminding me that I was too much like my mother appearance and personality wise. I don’t know my mother enough to say that he’s right, but he had no reason to lie.

As I looked closer at the mirror I saw a faint figure behind me, the figure seemed to be around my size with black hair, almost like my shadow.

I snapped and turned behind me.

“Hu—”

Before I could finish speaking, I realised there was no one there. The room was empty.

Before I could dwell on it, voices from downstairs cut through the sound of the rain. My father’s voice stood out.

“Those rulvins are vermin," he said. "They’ve invaded a small village south west from here, it’s only a matter of time till they reach here. Could even be as quick as a month from now..."

I slowly walked to the top of the stairs, listening as another man murmured something in agreement.

“We’ll take care of it soon enough," the other man muttered.

After that the man seemed to have left, as I could hear the door close shut.

I never understood my fathers hatred towards rulvins, it didn’t make sense to me. I’d never seen one myself, only heard stories about them, to be honest I never really explored anything beyond the vicinity of this house. I questioned what those rulvins did to my father, he talked about them like they were monsters of some kind. I didn’t dare to question these thoughts towards him.

But there was something about these stories he told me. I wanted to experience them, I wanted to see what lies beyond this house.

…

That’s my selfish desire, I know father won’t allow it.

I took a deep breath and made my way downstairs. Father was in the kitchen and made breakfast for the both of us, I was grateful for that. His eyes locked onto me as I reached the last step, narrowing in suspicion.

"You’re late," he said, his voice sharp.

“I know, sorry about that.” I responded

“After breakfast you know the routine, eat and get on with it.”

I hesitated for a moment, glancing toward the window. The rain was still pouring harshly, the yard outside was already muddy.

"But it’s raining," I said quietly. "Can we train tomorrow instead?"

Father’s hand slammed down on the table, making me flinch. "Making excuses again! Do you have no respect for your father! When I say get on with it, I mean it!"

"Yes, Father," I whispered, my heart pounding. I hurried towards the dining table and finished my breakfast as fast as I could. Immediately I waited at the chest till my father got the key from his pocket and opened it, after that I grabbed one of the many shortswords from the chest and brought it outside.

The backyard was wet, I almost slipped as I hurried. The rain was still harshly pouring, the wooden training dummies seemed to be drenching as well. Father stood in the center, rain running down his face and soaking his clothes, but he didn’t seem to care.

"We’ll start with forms," he said. He demonstrated one of the many forms he’s learnt through his adventuring days, his movement was sharp and precise. I tried to follow his lead, but the pain in my left arm was stinging. After a few minutes, I could hear my father sigh loudly as he stepped towards me.

"No," he barked, grabbing my wrist roughly. "Your clumsy movement will be worthless against those rulvins. Do it like this."

I nodded quickly. "Okay I think I got it."

"Do it again," he muttered, stepping back.

The training dragged on for an eternity it seemed, every mistake earning me a scolding. My arm stung more and more till eventually the sword slipped from my grasp, clattering to the ground. Father’s face darkened as he stomped toward me.

"What was that?! You think anyone’s going to give you a second chance out there? Pick it up!"

"I’m sorry," I stammered, scrambling to grab the sword. "My left arm is still in pain from last time."

Then, without a warning, his hand grabbed my left arm, he tightly squeezed where my bruise was. Pain shot through me, and I bit my lip harshly to avoid crying out loud. He kept tightening his hand until I bursted out in pain.

“Ahhh!”

"Useless!" he shouted.

He threw my entire body across from his sight, the sharp impact of me landing on my arm made me squeal in pain again.

“Gah!”

"You’d be worth nothing if it weren’t for that hair of yours, you know that?! Your whore of a mother left me with you, a good for nothing cry baby!”

Tears blurred my vision, but I forced myself to crawl to grab my sword again. “I’ll do better, I’m sorry father" I whispered in pain.

"Better isn’t enough!" His voice rose as his hand raised again. My chest tightened, and I braced for the next blow.

Suddenly it seemed time itself froze.

The world around me started to dissolve around me to a thick white mist.

Suddenly I could hear an echo behind me.

“Seyren…”

A black haired boy started walking from the thick mist, he seemed to be the same age as me. My eyes suddenly widened.

“Who are you?” I spoke as I was coughing in pain.

“That’s a good question. In this world I am no one, but you can refer to me as Kaito…I’ve been watching you for a long time now.”

“Where are we then, Kaito?”

“We’re in an endless hallway of mirrors…I’m not even sure what this place is myself.”

“Aghh!”

I felt a sharp pain coming from my left arm.

“Seyren, do you mind if I ask you a question?” asked Kaito.

“W-what is it?”

“Why do you keep letting this happen?” said Kaito

“With father? It’s my fault, I messed up. Father hates excuses, I should have known better.”

“I’ve seen this happen far too many times, it’s not your fault…how can he expect you to train with that injury?”

“Warriors don’t make excuses…that’s what he told me. In the battlefield there’s no room for that, he’s only trying to look after me that’s al-”

“Seyren!” Kaito’s voice rose sharply, cutting off any thoughts in my head. His eyes locked staring at me more harshly than my father.

“How long are you going to keep lying to yourself?” He said “He’s trying to shatter you, so you can become his pawn!”

My heart started pounding rapidly.“That’s not it! Father wants me to be strong so I can survive. He’s teaching me how to be a warrior—”

“Stop lying to yourself!” Kaito shouted, cutting me off. Kaito’s fist clenched, the blood from his palm dripping down onto the marble floor. “He’s teaching you to be afraid. Making you obey him without question. He’s not turning you into a warrior, Seyren. You’re becoming his slave.”

My body was trembling as I stared back at Kaito, I shook my head. “You don’t understand! He’s trying to make me stronger. He’s trying to make sure I don’t end up—” My voice suddenly gave up finishing that sentence.

“Like your mother?” Kaito’s tone softened. “You mean the woman who left you? Only leaving you with a bear you won’t let go of? It’d be easier if you just let go of her, trust me.”

Left me? What is he saying…

Suddenly I gritted my teeth, tears kept rolling down my cheeks. “Stop it, Kaito! You don't even know me!”

“I know enough,” Kaito said coldly as he turned his back on me.

“I know that every time he raises his hand, you convince yourself it’s your fault. I know that every bruise you see, you pretend it came from something else but him. And I know that if you keep this up, you’ll be trapped here as his pawn. Is that what you want, Seyren? To stay here forever, trapped in this house, being his punching bag?”

I tried to open my mouth to respond, but gave up. The words wouldn’t come to mind. My throat felt tight and sore, my chest aching from this situation.

“Denounce her, Seyren.” said Kaito. “That’s what your father wants to hear. His hatred for her is reflecting onto you.”

My heart skipped a beat, what did he mean to denounce her?

“What do you mean?” I whispered

“Your father wants you to reject your own mother, cut any feelings towards her. He’s afraid you’ll end up like her, he hates that idea. Do that and he will stop, otherwise you’ll end up with more bruises than you got.”

“I can’t…” I said.

Brief memories of my mother flashed in my mind, though I only had a few. One memory stood out—the sound of mothers voice humming a soft tune as she carefully stitched the bear she made for me. I remembered lying on her bed, watching her gentle hands move with care and precision. At that moment, I was the happiest I’d ever been.

Mom…

‘You mean the woman left you?’, Kaito’s words kept ringing in my head.

Why…

I grasped my hand clenching the wet grass next to my face.

Why did you leave me?

“Just say it, Seyen.” said Kaito, “It doesn’t matter if you mean it or not, this is about survival.”

“Bu-”

“Do it!”

“I can’t!” I shouted back, my throat gasping for air as I replied.

Kaito turned around again, this time looking down at me. His expression seemed to have calmed down. Kaito sighed.

“You leave me with no choice…”

He kneeled down and grabbed my face with his hands. “I got it from here.”

How can I rest at a time like this? My chest tightened more than before, the world around me seemed to shift, distorting my vision, almost blurred out.

“What’s...happening..?” I whispered softly, my body feeling like it was paralyzed unable to move.

Please stop…I can’t move…

“It seems it’s my turn now. After this you won’t be confined anymore. You’ll remember this conversation next time we meet.” said Kaito, his words echoing in my mind as if from a great distance.

My eyes fluttered shut, for a moment–until I opened them again, but this time it wasn’t me.

***

Kaito

Just before I gained control, I could see his fractured soul. Maybe during this state I’m able to take control? I have to assume this won’t last forever.

I glanced down at my chest to where my heart was.

Two souls…mine and his…

Seyren’s soul was fractured while mine was stable, I’ve only got time in this body till his fractured soul has mended itself to a better shape. I don’t know how I got trapped in Seyren’s body, but I’ll do whatever it takes to get out of it.

Suddenly the hallway I was in before started to vanish. The world Seyren was born in started to appear, Seyren’s body was lying on the floor.

Suddenly I could feel the pain of Seyens’s injury across my entire body, the sharpest pain was coming from my left arm.

I couldn’t let us get injured anymore than this, otherwise that bastard might accidently kill the both of us. Enough of this, I’ve tried to convince him, even after this he’ll continue to be ignorant, it’s time I dealt with this.

“I need to tell you something!” I said.

The bastard hesitated for a moment, giving me a brief time to fool him.

“Stop mentioning the color of my hair, I hate being compared to my mother! I don’t want to be anything like her! ” I shouted

His expression suddenly changed from anger to confusion.

That’s what I like to see. I know just the trick to get out of this, stroking his little ego.

“I want to be like you! I want to be strong just like you, I admire you! I’d do anything for us to continue training, I’ll listen to everything you have to say! ”

For a moment, I could see the smirk on his face. It repulsed me, if Seyren was in control he’d probably wouldn’t see it for what it was, he was ignorant just like a girl I once knew in my world.

Regardless I bet this is what this freak wanted, now he thinks he’s gained more control over me, that smirk showed it all, unfortunately for him I’m not as obedient as Seyren.

Eventually he lowered his hand and turned around.

“If that’s the case, I expect you to throw that stupid bear out. Training continues tomorrow.”

He grabbed the sword and headed back towards the house.

Though the buffoon can snap out of control, he never forgets to take back that sword and lock it in that chest of his. I wonder what I can do then, it’d be unwise to attack him with straight force, maybe if I was in my real-aged body, but unfortunately that isn’t the case. Regardless it isn’t worth the risk, even though this guy is a no good piece of shit, I must give him some credit, he does know how to wield a sword. I have to catch him by surprise…with a broken left arm on top of that.

As the rain poured on me, I glanced at the house seeing the light turn on. Well I have to think of something fast before I lose control again. I stood up and glanced at my clothes all muddied up. Time to clean up first I guess.

I approached the backdoor and entered the house, glancing at the man who pummelled this body just a moment ago. He stared at me like he was demanding me. Ah, he wants me to throw that bear out now, huh? Guess I’ll play along now.

“I’ll bring it down and show you” I said.

As he nodded, I walked up the stairs, suddenly I entered the room and stared at that stuffed bear. I glanced around only seeing a mirror and a thin blanket in the room, how empty. I kneeled down to grab the stuffed bear and stared at it for a moment. I couldn’t help but think about my own mother in that instance, the one true connection I left behind in that helpless world.

I still don’t know how I got here, my last moment was resting on a chair after seeing my mother. Maybe this was for the best, whatever the case was I couldn’t help but feel elevated in a sense, I’m no longer being held back by her. That didn’t mean that I didn’t care for her, I truly did, but my mother wasn’t going to get any better, there wasn’t a point in me staying behind for a lifeless body.

Suddenly I remembered the touch of my mothers hand stroking my head in that hospital room. Lifeless? No she was still there..even it was just by a thread…

Why did I end up here after that moment? Was this god’s way of torturing me? I left her all alone in that room…Fuck…she’s not all gone…the moment she showed a sign of life…I ended up here…

I’m sorry mother, please forgive me…

I don’t know if I can ever go back…

As I grabbed the stuffed bear I noticed the pupil hanging by a thread.

I don’t care what I have to do, even if it hurts this kid's heart.

I stood, the bear in hand, and took one last glance around the room before going downstairs.

For a moment the room gave me memories of my mother’s room in the hospital.

These walls, I won't be confined any longer.

I glanced over to the crack mirror and saw a reflection of the body I was in.

Seyren’s appearance doesn’t resemble me at all, to be honest I don’t even see the resemblance of his father either.

As I walked down I noticed the man staring at me smiling, didn’t seem like he was hiding this expression unlike the smirk earlier. Is this what brings him satisfaction, me throwing out a stuffed bear? Pathetic.

I noticed at the table he had the key of the chest laying there, maybe he plans on taking a bath too and putting his belongings to the side in the meantime.

I opened the backdoor and stepped outside in the cold pouring rain, my clothes still wet. The bear dangling from my right hand felt heavier, as it absorbed the rain. I raised my hand preparing to throw the stuffed bear across from me, but I hesitated.

I could feel Seyren’s soul acting erratic.

He’s trying to fight back? Over what this stuffed bear?

You don’t value your life? You can always get another bear, what does it matter?

Suddenly a pulse could be felt from Seyren’s soul, though it was particularly weak.

What are you do-

“What’s wrong, Seyren?” said the man, his shadow overlapping the ground outside.

“I thought you resented your mother like you said, or was that just an act?”

In an instant I snapped back and threw the stuffed bear across from me. It landed next to a tree, the bear was covered in mud.

"Haha! I knew you could do it, boy," the man said, ruffling my hair roughly.

I exhaled slowly, turning my shoulders as I headed back to the house.

The resistance of Seyren’s soul suddenly faded. Looks like that pulse used all his energy.

That’s right, stay down.

A slave cannot set themselves free. So Seyren, we’ll do it my way now.