16.5 (1)

Dear Takuya

I'm sorry

I'm so sorry. I don't have anything to say other than that. Anything else I might try to write in this letter is just an extended way of saying I'm sorry.

Well, I owe you a lengthy apology. I'll extend this "I'm sorry" and pray that many of my words will mean more to you than just two.

I made the biggest mistake of my life. I love you so much, and I care about you so much. And I know you feel the same way about me. I'd throw away my life for you. I'd leave everything behind if I could spend the rest of eternity together with you. That's all I want to do with my life, and I will forever dream of nothing else but waking up with you by my side. But I can't have that, because I ruined everything.

I'm so sorry for betraying you after all we've been through together. We did so much together, made so many memories, so many promises. I'm so stupid for throwing them in the trash.

I'm going overseas for a while. I'm sure I'm making another mistake, but I'm already gone by the time you're reading this, so I can only hope it's not a mistake. I'm not going away because I don't want to see you. I want to see you always. I'm going away because I'm sure you don't want to see me. Even if you do, It's probably better for you that you don't.

Some ego I have, right? Hurting you as much as I did and then acting like I have any right to tell you what's good for you.

I already miss you. I know this is going to be the most selfish thing in this letter, but please try not to miss me. I'm not worth it. I don't deserve to be missed by you.

I'm going away because I think you'll do better in life without me. I know that just because the source of the pain goes away doesn't mean the pain does too, but I think that you'll be able to prosper, grow, and be happy without me around. I once thought I was someone who could help you grow, and I believe that I was. But I ruined that, and I think that now I'd only reverse any progress you make just by being around you.

Please be happy without me. I know you can. I know someone else can make you much happier than I could. While that thought hurts me so, so much, I also know that I ruined everything, so having that thought constantly linger in the back of my head is what I deserve.

I don't know if I'll ever see you again. Actually, I've written all of this big talk, but I'm weak, so I'll probably end up coming back to see you. But I'll try not to. For your sake. And for her, the girl who will take up the role I so foolishly gave up. With all the love and all the regret I can convey with words, I forever will be truly sorry. I can regret everything as much as I'd like, but that won't get me back my life together with you. If fate exists, I'll leave whatever is meant to be up to fate. I've lost control, and I won't try to get it back. I don't deserve it.

I'm sorry and I love you, and I'm sorry because I love you.

Time doesn't move backward, but it's nice to be like a kid and imagine going back in time to fix my mistakes.

I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't want you to forgive me. Don't do that to yourself. But if you do, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. But if you do, after you do, please don't think about me anymore. I don't deserve that.

Please try not to think about me, but I will always be thinking about you.

I'm sorry that because of me, all we have left are the memories. Please don't think about me anymore, but please hold on to the memories. Now that I'm gone, all I can do is hope that you don't forget them. They're the only piece of me that can still make you happy.

I'm sorry, and I love you.

Amakusa Byakudan