2.4) Your Strength Worries Me

In the end, it was Atlas who ate the most.

Julian watched as Mary’s stress became more and more visible. It was as if Atlas had an endless stomach, as if the food that entered his stomach vanished almost instantly–and at some point, Julian had to intervene, gently nudging him with his foot and desperately signaling with his hands that his sister was gonna lose her mind if he kept eating. It turned out that her charity had limits.

After Mary paid for the meal and the three of them walked out into the dark, Atlas silently stared at the night sky, while Mary was pinching the bridge of her nose, mumbling under her breath. It didn’t look like either one of them wanted to talk, so it was Julian who spoke up.

“So? Where are we headed now?”

Atlas pondered. “Probably back to the field.”

Mary frowned, “Dude, it’s night time. Shouldn’t you go home now?”

“I don’t have a ho–”

Julian interjected. “Yes! He’s gonna go home!” Then Julian stared into the depth of Atlas’s soul, internally begging Atlas to not expose his homelessness. If she figured out that she just spent all that money on some stranger, she could end up collapsing right then and there.

“... I’m going home, I guess,” Atlas said, sighing.

“Ah, I see. Well, it was fun seeing you guys. And, uh, Atlas–maybe next time, I’ll order for you instead, hm? I’m starting to see the downside in letting you choose what to eat.”

Julian sighed as he watched Atlas scratch his head.

He spoke for Atlas. “Well, that’s what you get for not speaking up earlier, Mary. And besides, didn’t you say it’s the end of the world so you don’t really care?”

She crossed her arms. “I still have things I want to do, you know. Blowing it all in a single day means starving for the next few weeks.”

Julian looked at Atlas and noticed that he looked a bit uncomfortable, perhaps unsure of whether or not he should apologize. Then, as if Mary noticed this as well, she turned his attention to him.

“But just to be clear: I don’t blame you, Atlas. I’m glad you had a good time. I’ll probably see you again, if you’re still hanging out with Julian later.”

“Okay,” Atlas said, with a little more emotion than normal.

“Well, take care, guys. Just a few weeks left, so let’s do our best, yeah?” she said, walking away and waving without looking back.

Do our best doing what, exactly? Julian thought.

As they watched her walk further and further away, Julian slowly turned and whispered to him. “By the way, I’m going to take you to a nearby homeless shelter.”

“I don’t really need a shelter,” Atlas said.

“Oh, come on, man. I can’t just leave you back on the field or the alleyway. It’s cold,” he said as he opened his phone to type in the address of a nearby homeless shelter.

“Not really.”

Julian looked up from his phone. “Dude, do you hear yourself? You want to spend the night in the open? Are you even human?”

“I guess.”

Julian was slowly becoming frustrated with his short answers. “Listen, buddy. You can try putting in more effort in how you talk, you know. You did just cost my sister a fortune.”

Atlas paused, as if considering his words. “She said she doesn’t blame me, though.”

“She only said that to make you feel better, man. Couldn’t you tell she was stressed?”

“But it’s the end of the world,” Atlas said, regurgitating Mary’s words.

“Yes, but money is still money. Like she said, she has other things she wants to do, but if she doesn’t have the money to do anything, she’s going to end up rotting in her room! I’m sure she wants to, you know, go skydiving or do something special before the world ends! And having zero money makes most of these things impossible!”

Atlas tilted his head. “Skydiving?”

“Yeah, skydiving. Or… I don’t know, it was just an example.”

“Hmm…” Atlas seemed to be thinking.

Julian sighed. "She worked really hard for all that money, you know? She put herself through hell to finance herself, to be independent so she could do as she pleases. She sacrificed a lot of things... maybe even her relationships with me and our parents. So seeing you spend so much of it like that must have been draining for her."

"Really?"

"Yeah!!!"

Julian closed his eyes. “Look. Just because she says it’s okay doesn’t mean that it’s okay to take it for granted. She really did give up a lot for you to enjoy all that food. So just remember that, okay? I know you can’t repay her, since, well, you’re homeless, so… the least you can do is be thankful.”

When he reopened his eyes, he could see that Atlas looked guilty. He silently cursed himself for going too far.

“I’m sorry. Listen, let’s just get you to the shelter. Forget what I said.”

Julian began walking to the bus stop. Then, realizing that he could only hear his own footsteps, he looked back to see Atlas looking in the direction that his sister went.

It seemed that Atlas was showing worry.

***

Mary Everhart opened the door to her room, closed the door behind her without turning on the lights, then took a deep breath. The only thing illuminating her room was the light from the computer she left on before leaving.

Just a few days ago, her room would have been neat and tidy. Her bed would have been done, the closet door would not have any worn clothes thrown on it, and her desk would have been free of clutter and eraser crumbs.

There still weren’t eraser crumbs. Just crumbs of potato chips and leftover junk food.

She sighed and plopped onto her bed, which had all kinds of blankets thrown onto it for her maximum comfort. Then, she rolled onto her face, lying still as if she was a depressing sack of potatoes that had been dragged and placed there.

She was so tired of living in this mediocre world; the end of the world couldn’t come sooner.

She had secretly felt this way for years and years, but she could never bring herself to do anything about it because she knew that her life mattered to Julian and her parents. If she were to suddenly disappear from their lives, she would irreversibly damage the livelihood of her family. So she worked hard to make her parents proud; she worked hard to make sure she was a good role model for Julian. In the end, she never had a way to leave this world without damaging the lives she cared for.

But that’s where the end of the world played to her advantage.

When she had first heard the news that the universe was contracting the way it had done over thirty-years ago, she was initially scared like everyone else. But soon after, she came to the realization that the end of the world served as the perfect excuse to embrace death. She would die soon, and it wouldn’t be her fault!

And being dead meant no working part-time; no preparing presentations for her club; no organizing events for her floor of the dormitory; no studying; no putting on make-up; no going to the gym; no interviewing for internships; no calling her friends and family.

The idea was incredible to her. It meant nothing. Non-existence sounded wonderful. The end of the world couldn’t come any sooner.

But she thought that if she was going to have to wait for the end of the world, she might as well live the rest of her days doing what she liked to do.

She thought about it; she really did. But eventually, she realized that all she wanted to do was laze around and do nothing. She didn’t want to do anything special. She just wanted to be on her phone, eat junk food, play games on her MacBook like her brother would, be sleep deprived so she could sleep for longer, then be on her phone again.

She wanted to give up and be completely numb. It felt good to be numb, and time seemed to pass quickly when she allowed herself to just let it all go.

But she unexpectedly saw her brother today, who then told her that he’d still be around to keep an eye on her. She loved her brother, but wished that he would just leave her alone as the world came to an end. She was tired of putting up a facade for everyone to see.

Still, for his sake, she would still have to put some effort into making things more comfortable for him as the world came to an end. She couldn’t die just yet.

Well, a just a few more weeks, she thought. Then it's all over.