Performativity

What is this but a performance? A performance in a play that has been performed over and over again, the actors on their journey fall for the deceiving agent. A villain for the sake of the play. A play that is set to end in tragedy once more.

If only you had more time, if only you did things differently. Suppose a change occurs; is this inevitable? Jason, my dear orange-haired companion, has fallen. This moment marks the start of a chain of events, a domino-like moment that will culminate in tragedy, death and despair.

The attempts I made, the scream I yelled, my madness as I reconciled with my own self. Why was I so stupid? You are a stupid girl. I am a stupid girl indeed.

Xilu, my friend, or perhaps my enemy, your madness is now my madness. We are similar in that regard. Was this what you wanted? Was this what you sought? Was this your desire, to trap someone always in the infinite loop of despair? My desire is in contrast to yours yet also very similar. To not be alone.

Failure to reach your desire is maddening. No wonder you went insane. Or perhaps you just saw this as the only option. They say the rift is a maddening place, if only they knew the extent of it.

So, Xilu, we dance this act towards tragedy once more. The ever-dancing pieces will fall again, but I will not break to your madness. I will hold out for hope. The world, the rift, the play itself, has not ended quite yet.

Perhaps it is futile; perhaps you enjoy this madness of mine. But I will hold out hope. For that is the only thing I have. The raven, the observer, will watch the end of your play.

But don’t forget, just as I must observe your play, your madness, you too cannot escape my own madness. Just as I live in your madness, you will live in mine once more.

Your dear friend, the one who relives your madness.

~K?????

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

“~My, my, my, you haven’t changed in the slightest, my dear Journeyman. And here I thought I could fool you. KeKeKeKe. What gave me away?~”

Mrs Dinklebottom’s hand had pierced Mr. Jason’s body. I was feeling sad. Though I did not know Mr. Jason very well, he was kind to me. I felt that thing called Empathy again. I didn’t like it. Why do I have to feel such emotions? They hurt. Why? I don’t like it.

Mrs Dinklebottom’s face began to melt away; it was as if Mrs. Dinklebottom was a painting washing away from getting wet. Goop fell on the ground, and instantly it became noticeable that under the face of Mrs. Dinklebottom was a smile that could only be described as scary, evil.

Since leaving my room, I have seen a lot, learnt a lot, and experienced good things and bad things. I have felt scared many times, most of all in my dreams. But nothing, nothing at all, was worse than the feeling I was experiencing at this moment.

As the flakes of the creature’s face fell away, the true face of the creature became exposed. It had a pure white humanoid head, though it had no eyes. Of course, the smile was most notable. It had sharp white teeth—the sort of teeth that looked like they could eat you whole. It was scary. I didn’t like it.

This was most likely the Laughing Man Mr. Journeyman was speaking of. Even knowing what it may be didn’t change the fact that it was equally shocking and terrifying. Mr. Ren and Lady Scarlet were similarly startled.

“Why would I tell you how I knew it was you?” The Journeyman responded.

“~So I can learn and never make the same mistake again. KeKeKeKe~”

For some reason, I could hear a voice in my head scream. “Oh, but you will make this mistake again and again. Yet I, too, will make this mistake.”

Yet I had no idea why I would think this. I had never seen such a scary creature before. Why would I think it would make that mistake again? Why would I think I would make that mistake again? Maybe because I was a stupid girl who could barely read. Perhaps I would make many stupid mistakes, but how could I have known this creature existed? I had never seen him before, right?

“So you’ll be honest this one occasion, but you won’t for anything else.” The Journeyman shouted at the Laughing man.

“~KeKeKeKe, it’s no longer fun to play tricks on someone who has figured you out~”

“I can’t say that I have found any of your games particularly fun to begin with, Laughing man. Besides, you have yet to give me your name.”

“~KeKeKeKe, Names are powerful things. I’m not for giving up such power.~”

“What is that… that thing? How can it speak?” Lady Scarlet asked, clearly shocked. I don’t know much; I don’t always know what is normal and what is not. I am a stupid girl, but I know that this is not normal.

For the first time since I had gotten to know Lady Scarlet, she looked like she was utterly lost for words. Mr. Ren also looked horrified. I don’t know if it was shock at Mrs. Dinklebottom or if it was shock at seeing Mr. Jason.

“I already told you, he is the laughing man. Well, that’s one of the many things I have called him over the years.” Mr Journeyman replied, brandishing his own blade.

Mr. Ren turned his blade towards the Laughing man and pushed me behind him.

“~Oh my, you think you can fight me? KeKeKeKe~”

“Although you killed another swordsman, you are outnumbered this time, Laughing man. Your time is up.”

“~Outnumbered? KeKeKeKe. What do you mean by that? What do you think I have been doing during your pointless questioning?~”

The ground began to shake, far worse than it had before when the Galac came up.

“Quick, everybody hop aboard my boat. We need to escape now!” The Journeyman screamed.

“~KeKeKeKe. Where are we going? KeKeKeKe.~”

“I wasn’t speaking to you, Laughing Man.” He said as he pointed his blade at him. Lady Scarlet, Mr. Ren, and I ran to the boat. I didn’t want to leave Mr. Jason lying on the ground, but Lady Scarlet stopped me from going over to where he was.

Galac Tendrils began to shoot up from the ground, and the Laughing Man vanished behind them. As he did so, he left behind a warning.

“~KeKeKeKe. I’ll see you all again very soon KeKeKeKe.~”

Despite his warning, I hoped to never see him again.

We didn’t have much time to lose. The Galacs were rapidly approaching, so we boarded the wooden boat. Mr. Journeyman guarded us, cutting the tendrils that were targeting us.

The boat was extremely cramped; it looked like it was designed for two adults. Mr. Ren and Lady Scarlet would fit in without issue. But with a useless girl like me, it was squishy. That being said, I felt more comfortable being so close to both of them. They made me feel safe.

At that moment, Galacs began fully emerging from the ground, their big eyeballs darting about, locking on to us. The Journeyman also hopped aboard the boat. Despite being the size of an adult, he didn’t seem to add much weight or take up much space like the rest of us. Once he hopped on, the three of them began rowing as fast as they could to get us further into the water.

Their tendrils flailed about, though they also seemed to be avoiding the water. Perhaps water was a weakness for them, much like the tree branches that Ms. Dinklebottom or perhaps the Laughing Man had suggested.

Mr. Jason’s body vanishes into the fog.

“Goodbye, Mr. Jason,” I said as a tear fell down my cheek.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

End Chapter 19