Until Life Leaks Out from Us

“By becoming part of her life, I only deprived her of her happiness.”

     This thought, never had he uttered it before. Even he had barely pondered about it. To ignore a thought is to hope it will eventually cease existing. As we do with people.

     Sat in his bed, he stared at the crumpled bed sheets following his leg’s curves with a thoughtful gaze. House cleaning was often botched, dust tolerated for the benefit of the additional time Kemishi gained to continue her experiments. Even if it meant sneezing when reading her books. But she always took the time to clean his bed sheets carefully.

     It was hard for Lennac to believe that these words had finally escaped his lips.

     Trickery was often used with children so to show them only a jolly truth to maintain their purity. Such deceit… Isn’t it to better shatter their dreams into pieces once they have grown tired of preserving them?

     Though it was paradoxically that same purity which gave Lennac the desire to confide in Gretel. The desire… Or perhaps simply he was reluctant to play a part in her presence. He wished a heart-to-heart talk with her.

“Why do you say such a sad thing? That’s not true.” The young fairy set on the sheets protested, brandishing her little fists in front of her. “I’m sure it’s not true.”

“I wish it were not.”

     Silence.

     Embarrassed, clumsy glances.

     The rustling of the fabric as he shifted his position.

“How did you meet?”

     At her question Lennac glanced at Gretel, a smile shaping upon his lips.

“In a silly way.”

***

I was exhausted, having walked for hours when at last I beheld a stretch of water. At that moment, I rushed to it like an animal. I was no longer human. As I threw myself on my knees, against the pebbles, I was so glad to finally let my legs give way. Only one thing still mattered.

     To quench my thirst. I leant forward until my mouth was immersed. Its taste didn’t matter, to be seen like that didn’t matter.

     When at last I was satisfied, I slowly straightened up.

     I felt empty.

     Now that I had quenched my thirst, what was I supposed to do? I stared at my reflection upon the water’s surface without paying much attention to it… when I heard her voice.

“Maah, maah! I’ve never seen a man throw himself onto water like that.”

     Her voice… It was curious. Amused.

     I had no idea what to answer her, so I merely gazed at her. For a long time.

     Leant towards me like towards an injured animal. She wore a white dress. Without ribbons nor frills. She didn’t need them. She didn’t anything to be beautiful.

“Hmm? Do I have something on my face?”

     Like a fool, I opened my mouth. Yet, I found myself unable to articulate a single poor word.

“Ahh, you on the other hand…”

     She lowered an arm, her fingers brushing the surface of the water… like you brush a lover’s skin.

     Then, without averting her gaze, she reached out her hand to me, to my cheek.

“You have blood flecks on your face. That isn’t very cute.”

     Even before I knew her name, she already held my heart into the palm of her hand.

     And, judging by the wide mischievous grin upon her features, she was well aware of it.

“My… My name is Lennac.”

     A laugh crossed her lips, and I instantly felt embarrassed.

“Forgive my appearance. I am a soldier. It has been days since I was looking for water…”

     It had taken me a few moments before I was able to continue. The souvenir of the battlefield I had escaped… Screams, blood, flesh giving way under the blows of claws… All of it was still too vivid.

“My men had been decimated.”

     I thought it would repel her, but instead of it I soon felt her hand against mine.

“Kemishi.”

     And just like that, barely had I the time to unlock my gaze from her small hand and to raise my head that she leant towards me. Kissing me.

     I never felt that before. The feeling of burning from the inside. It wasn’t painful. It was more intense than that. I spent my life fighting, but never did a wound permeated to my bones like this.

     I could have followed her anywhere. And that’s what I did.

“I’ll take you to the kingdom I live in.”

     We knew each other only for a few days when she took my hand, encouraging me to follow her to a lake bottom. I didn’t think too much about it, just stepping forward until she became translucent, wearing a smile I had never seen upon her features.

     She turned into water and I found myself engulfed, sinking to the bottom of the lake as she held me tightly against her.

     As tightly as you hold a prey.

“From now on, you will live in the eddies with me.”

     I wasn’t dumb, at this point I understood Kemishi had undine blood. And undines seduce men who come near their waters before carrying them away beneath the waves. They are never seen again. Their instinct leads these enchantresses to do this.

     Kemishi had probably never had feelings for me.

     Despite that, it suited me. It was written over my face, and must have confused her.

“You don’t even struggle… You’ll soon become one with water, doesn’t that scare you?”

     No sound could escape my throat underwater, so I simply shaped the words from the bottom of my lips.

“I’m not scared. All my companions died in battle, I only survived by chance. I had no more reason for living, I was lost… It was you who rekindled in me somewhat I thought was irrevocably extinguished. Kemishi… You saved me.”

     I knew she understood my words, for I saw her widen her eyes.

“Have you gone out of your mind… You’re bloody stupid.”

“That’s possible. But I’m happy I’d been able to love you. I never felt that… such soft warmth.”

     My consciousness was beginning to slip away. I felt, I saw bubbles leak out from me. As if I began to dissolve.

“Thank you.”

     A smile, that was what I foolishly gave her.

     And then, something unexpected happened.

     Kemishi’s eyes were briefly crossed by a reflection. She started to fuss, as if panicked. She tightened her embrace before giving way to a huge bird of the colour of the lake. And holding me in her claws, she began to rush towards the surface.

     We emerged from the lake in a spray of droplets before, beating her wings, she laid me ashore. I was having trouble to see clearly, but I saw what looked like a dripping phœnix leaning towards me.

     Kemishi had finally decided to spare me. She’s a goodhearted person, even if she can get overcome by her instincts.

     But we soon realised that I had kept sequelae.

     From that day on, my blood started to turn into water.

     Kemishi decided to stay by my side, she decided to learn alchemy so that she would be able to heal me and make amends.

***

“That’s how we ended up settling here. In the midst of the woods, in a cottage we restored together.” Lennac concluded with a smile. “Since then, we stayed away from bodies of water, because water can engulf an undine and then… No one knows how long it will takes her to show again.”

     Having remained attentive throughout the story, the little fairy’s eyes had become so moist she had needed to use the sheets top chase away the fuzzy blots from her eyes.

     Now sat over a stack of cookies, she held one against herself.

“Ahhh… Bbwouay ish it shad like thaat?”

     Lennac handed her a handkerchief so she could blow her nose.

“But! But! Kemishi was able to surface quickly with you, right? She was able to get out whenever she wanted.”

“For us it was but an instant. But outside, a hundred years had passed.”

“A hundred years!” She blinked.

     Nibbling a cookie as to comfort herself, she stayed lost in thoughts for a while.

“But why wouldn’t she be happy with you? Why are you sad for her?”

“If someone held back from living because of you, wouldn’t you desire to free her?”

     Disoriented, the little fairy stared at Lennac without understanding what could push him to say such things.

“But you love Kemishi. And Kemishi loves you.”

“What…” He widened his eyes, taken aback. “No, she has always turned me away since then, each time I express my affection to her.”

“Huum? But you don’t choose to await the end of the world near someone you don’t love.”

“…”