The Warmth of a Meal

On her way home, the sky darkened, and rain poured down as though the sky itself wanted to hide her tears.

The rhythmic pitter-patter of raindrops against her skin seemed to absorb her unspoken emotions—her distress, her confusion, her fear.

She had one day- no, only few hours to live.

There was so much she had wanted to do in her life……what could she possibly achieve in these fleeting moments?

And why, just why had she asked for one more day?

It had been easier to just slip away when she was already dead.

Knowing that she was about to actually die, that she would never see any of the people she loved…… Her parents, Ryusuke, Hana, Momo, Saori and her grandparents--

There were so many dreams to achieve, so many desires left unfulfilled—

Yet the fate couldn’t be crueler. It was unbearable. She held back her tears.

Thinking deeply, it wasn’t the dreams nor aspirations she cared about— what she yearned for was time.

Time to sit with her loved ones for a cup of tea.

Time to listen to their stories instead of always being too busy.

Time to tell them she loved them.

She neglected them too much- believing she would have more time later

Studying and worrying about not studying was all she did. Always fearing the time would be lost.

Now, it truly was.

In fact, it truly had.

Before she knew it, she was home.

Izumi turned the doorknob and stepped inside, lost in thought.

‘Oh my, was it raining again?’ her mother’s voice jolted her back. ‘You are soaked!’

Now only she realized her clothes clung to her skin, the cold seeping into her bones.

Izumi gave a small smile. ‘It’s okay, Mom. I am actually liking it.’

Her words came out on her own. However, for some strange reason, she actually liked the rain today.

Come to think of it, since younger she had loved to run in the rain.

But she only remembered it now.

Perhaps because it won’t rain on her anymore….

‘I am going to take a shower,’ she said quickly and hurried upstairs, blinking back tears.

After changed, she descended downstairs.

‘Is there anything to eat, Mom?’ she asked.

Her mother’s mouth fell open. ‘You want to eat?’ she exclaimed.

Izumi nodded.

Her mother’s face lit up. ‘I was just making rice noodles, they are done- I’ll bring them in a minute!’

‘I can bring them- let’s eat together,’ Izumi said.

The ladle dropped on the floor from her mom’s hand. ‘You want to eat together?’ she seemed to be holding back tears.

‘Oh, mom,’ Izumi said, flushing red. ‘It’s not like I have never eaten with you before. Sit on the table, I’ll bring the food.’

She bent down to pick up the ladle. Her mother was still there, frozen in thought.

‘Mum?’ Izumi called gently.

‘Oh! Right. I’ll go,’ she murmured and scuttled out of the kitchen.

As Izumi washed the ladle, a tightness gripped her chest.

How hadn’t she realized it before?

How cruel was it to only understand the weight of her choices when nothing could be changed?

It was horrible— plain torture— Knowing well enough what kind of pain she was about to leave behind.

If only…. if only she could turn back time.

Tears blurred her vision eyes, and just as she was about to reach for a bowl, an excruciating pain shot through her skull.

A gasp tore from her lips as she collapsed to her knees. Her hands clutched her head. Her chest heaved.

Her breath came out in ragged, broken gasps, her vision darkening—

‘Izumi!’ Her mother’s voice rang from outside. ‘Are you okay in there?’

And just like that, the pain vanished.

After a few struggling breaths, her senses came to be. The sensation left as quickly it had come. Slowly, she got up to her feet.

‘I-I am o-okay!’ she yelled, her voice trembling. ‘I am coming.’

Her hands shook as she grabbed the bowl from the sink and reached for another bowl from the shelf, filled them with noodles.

She forced a smile as she placed them on the table.

Her mother frowned as Izumi sat down opposite her, ‘Your face looks all red. Did you catch a fever?’

‘No, I don’t think so,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘I feel fine. Let’s eat.’

After lunch, Izumi washed the dishes and brewed tea for her mother.

‘I have something for you, Mom,’ Izumi said, picking up her bag that she had left on the couch.

Her mother looked at her in surprise. “For me?”

Izumi rummaged through her things and pulled out an orange t-shirt with a floral design.

‘I saw it in the mall, today. I bought it for you.’ She handed it to her. ‘Orange looks lovely on you.’

Her mother’s eyes widened as she took the shirt. ‘F-For me?’ she murmured.

She stared at it, as though she couldn’t believe it. Tears welled up in her eyes. She finally spoke, ‘Thanks, dear. Thank you so much- It’s- It’s really pretty.’

Mom, I am sorry.

Izumi swallowed her tears as she wrapped her arms around her mother tightly, feeling the warmth of her embrace. She herself held back tears as she pressed her face into her mother’s shoulder.

After a long moment, she pulled away and reached into her bag again.

‘Can you give it to Dad as well?’ she handed her a small paper bag. ‘For his birthday.’

Her mother looked at her with confusion but nodded, taking the bag carefully.

Izumi smiled faintly, hugged her again. ‘I am, uh- going to study,’ she said. Then turned and walked upstairs to her room.