508. Rose new world, 7

(Rose)

I remember something my father told me.

Everything dies.

And even this rose that you love will eventually wither.

I remember the pain in my heart. For as young as I was, part of my name was Rose. Sometimes he called me... Well...

It’s a very long gone past now.

Somewhere, somewhen... Someone else...

Death was invisible and unknown. Solitude was more real of a suffering and fear for my young days and nights.

As I evolve, I feel that I’m losing parts of myself along the way. It’s not an absolutely positive and endless growth.

My identity evolves, grows a little as well, but also moves over that sea of memories. Making new ones and discarding the insignificant ones.

What I forget changes what I am surely. A little insidiously perhaps, because I can’t see what I don’t know.

I feel like... I just forgot a lot. But it’s hard to quantify.

N - You have. Dying over and over does that.

I recall that Nightmare once likely was human, like me. She’s lost all memories of that past life, many years ago.

Is this... What I’ll eventually become?

N - You’re one step closer yes. And one giant leap away from humanity...

I’m feeling bitter.

N - You keep selling your soul, body and mind to beings-like-us. Of course you’re changing over time and deaths. You’re reaching a point where you may not be able to have a fully human body anymore.

What?

N - You’ve walked so much toward the other side, unbound by flesh. You translated your being into T.I. so much, I don’t know if what you are is still fully compatible with a human body. Also I’m not sure the data of your human body with us is still sufficiently complete and preserved.

You’re not sure?

N - Humans... Are not what I care for. I know far less. Relax yourself Rose, we’ll try anyway. But be aware there is now a fair chance you won’t be able to become human again.

And if I don’t?

N - You’ll remain as you are. Until you grow another way, or wither and die.

And if I do?

N - You’ll probably feel very weird for a while, as you’ll adapt. But then you’ll live on as you’re used to. A Rose Blume.

What are my chances of being able to become human again in time?

N - As I see you now, I would say about 50%. There’s still a lot of human memories and data like genes or metabolic expressions in you, left in you. But there’s also a lot of you lost to Magenta.

Can we call for outside help?

N - No. I don’t know where we are.

Are we back on Earth at least? Is Blume back you think?

N - I think so, and I don’t know. We escaped toward Earth. I’m not aware if she did. She may still be somewhere eout there.

Will she grow back if that’s the case?

N - That would prove difficult, but not impossible.

Why do we have to die...

N - Because that’s a part of life on the scale above yourself. In our day and age we can evolve through one’s life, but in the old era when death ruled, it was to allow evolution through the generations replacing one another. Us gods can just decide to change at will. That’s why death and reproduction are less relevant to our existence.

...

N - Don’t be sad. You’re not fully dead yet. Plus, there’s another reason why you die, more altruistic.

?

N - When something dies, it gives room for others to grow. As a friend of that flower demon, you surely understand what I mean?

When a rose dies, it leaves room for others to bloom and shine.

N - Yes. That’s life, and time.

There was another I could see shine.

N - You’re in between worlds, and life’s edge. You could give up what’s left of your humanity right now.

...

N - Or work your best to return to the world as you once were. As human as you can still be. What life do you prefer?

Humans dreamt to be as gods. On the other hand, gods dream to be as humans ironically.

Where does the Rose Blume I remember being wants to go?

Blume was on the other side. I have nothing left on the old side...

I have been in rupture between the old world and the new since I first arrived. Now I can chose, to fully embrace the new, as a daiûa, shapeless, unbound by flesh, free...

I can fully go beyond the doors of the human world.

I can see those large golden doors.

And another world behind... A spirits world of freedom.

Not a world of landscapes.

Not a world of flowers.

Not a world of laughters and sensations.

Not a world of shades and lights...

R - The more I see your world, the more I understand what draws your kind toward ours.

Nightmare grins, in her own way.

N - That’s not a bad choice.

R - Would becoming like you be a bad choice?

N - Neither. It’s only a different perspective.

R - What would be a bad choice?

N - Refusing to choose, and decay. To die, wilfully or refusing to evolve. Refusing to gain a life again.

R - I want to live again... As a human named Rose Blume.

N - As long as you evolve toward that, I believe that someday you eventually will. And I look forward to that.

~

R - Why?

N - Because you bring more chaos to life than most gods care to. You, alive, are a source, a spring of chaos that is fantastic and enjoyable.

R - That doesn’t sound like a compliment.

N - From a god like me, a being-like-me as you say, it is. We both enjoy what life truly means.

R - Do you think I will make it? Back to life?

N - I think so.

I feel like crying. I swell.

R - Will you help me?

N - I will.

R - You’re a good friend, Nightmare.

N - Evolving around you, I enjoy it.

~

R - I’m scared...

N - I can feel it. You...

She delves into my mind. She searches for the right words to say to me. She’s concerned and feels bad not to be able to find the best comforting words to say to me.

I feel like crying, dead scared, as I feel death is a single apoptosis away. True death. We’re not stable as we currently are and I’m afraid. I want to live, but I’m so scared right now...

N - Rose.

R - Yes...

N - Tomorrow the sun will rise again. And roses will bloom...

My spell...

~