512. Doubts and Philosophy, 2

(Rose)

We’re trying to regrow, but it’s as if we were lost in the desert, against where we used to be. Being parasites, once the inherent dangers overwhelmed, it was so much easier to feed. Now it’s a struggle.

Until we manage to grow something organic, an interface to the real world, it’s a time of hunger.

We’re in the dark, deep beneath the ground of the other world, craving for some light and energy.

But we’re patient. We don’t panic.

She’s used to it and I’m aware. We know where we are. It makes things easier.

And we can chat, so it’s not that bad. It’s as if we were walking a tunnel together, side by side. Each following a wall with one hand, looking together for the exit.

N - I thought of something. Ana gave me the name of lord of nightmares.

R - Oh had she? I thought it was you who told her that. I never realised it was her idea... of you. Just Nightmare is fine though I recall?

N - Yes. My idea was a new name for you.

R - I like Rose, or Rose Blume though. What is your idea?

N - Lord of chaos. What do you think?

R - That’s an awful nickname!

N - Ah ah ah.

We have no voice nor bodies to speak of, but the concepts of jokes and amusement, even laughter, can still be communicated. We try to keep a human frame of mind, and she’s using it to mock me.

N - Just Chaos then? Or lady Chaos?

R - No! Rose, just Rose!

N - Which number will that next rose be?

That’s a tricky question. It depends how you want to count it and how you define one’s identity.

R - My next life will be the eighth I think. As Rose Blume.

N - So many roses have passed, even the one I’ve met before is no more...

R - No more... No longer the same as yesterday that’s true. But neither are you. You also changed a lot since we first met.

Roses may die, and grow back anew, the roots of my identity remain, and I carry over as many memories I can find from the ones who came before. Even though I lost a lot more of my memories this time, there’ enough of my past selves left to claim I’m the same being. I’m the continuation of the past Rose Blume. Death is a tragedy, but not the end...

N - New flowers bloom on that rotten old tree...

R - That’s not kind, you leech.

Rose Blume was born between two worlds, and two definitions of what a life form can be.

Making death only a trauma, and humanity a frail concept.

R - I still have some ideas and pictures of a human ideal I strive to become, I try to get and remain as close as possible to.

N - Humanity... Is as dead as you are.

R - What a peculiar thing to say. Especially coming from a being-like-you. True, I don’t see humanity rising again as we two will very likely soon...

N - But a part of their personality, knowledge and ideals will gain new life, into things like you.

R - And you too?

N - Who knows... I wanted to follow in your footsteps, to evolve a lot faster by travelling the world. I didn’t plan on meeting my fate so fast because of all the chaos you lay along your way.

R - ...

Nightmare is a little resentful against me for causing her death as well...

~

Magenta rising and its consequences are partially my responsibility. We’ve been through this talk a few times already, even with Nightmare. We’ve had the time to discuss. Parts of her, and me, circle over it and trip over it again like a broken record.

R - That’s chaos.

N - That’s you.

R - Do you think the world has become a better place now that it’s gone?

N - Actually, I do. I didn’t care about the dumbasses warmongers like that Priest. But you revealed Magenta in all its ambition to the world. A being that didn’t tolerate any existence but its growing own.

R - I remember the Queen telling another me that Dragod shouldn’t have died.

N - I think she would agree that Magenta was unreasonable. Even I do.

R - So you think I was right?

N - I think your idea was fair.

Right or wrong are opinions too subjective yet for her I guess.

~

R - Do you remember anything from your past humanity?

N - Not really. You did force me to realise there was a forgotten heritage in the foundation of my existence and frame of mind, but I can’t find any memory related to it.

R - The body you were creating yourself, did it make you feel closer to that hidden part of yourself?

N - Neither. I just wanted to play.

R - If we can grow back into reality, will you chose to travel with a human body like me?

N - I may. I’m still undecided.

R - You would have learned and evolved through a full circle doing so, from fully human to full daiûa, and back.

N - Circle isn’t the right concept. But there are things to enjoy with more weight in humanity. Language and concepts for a first.

R - You do make longer sentences I noticed. You came to enjoy chatting with me, haven’t you?

N - You return it well. It can be enjoyable.

Chatting with daiûas is one of the brightest things in my life. Well, lives. Existence overall as Rose Blume.

R - Chatting with a stranger is the richest cultural exchange you can have. Along with travelling in foreign lands. I guess the way you would say it is... Interacting with a stranger creates more chaos. And travelling as well. It makes the place you are in less homogeneous, more reactive.

N - I like the way you put it.

R - I prefer to say culture, or enrichment. But I do understand how you relate to entropy and enthalpy as essential forces in life. I really do.

She grins. I do too.

There’s this memory we both lit up in our respective though interconnected brains.

We relive it as if we were back there, next to that campfire at night, between our home cities from back then; on the western shores of the black sea.

We repeat it like a spell, that thing she told me then that I really, really liked. It echoed so much with me.

Our connection is strong around that bond between our respective identities.

It’s a bridge of words across two worlds, and an odd common idea, between her and me.

N - What’s your bridge with Blume?

R - Love, I guess? A wish to live as well, thriving toward a human ideal of ourselves.

N - You’re the weirdest couple ever.

R - Thank you. Our intertwined fate sure has brought a lot of chaos!

N - That’s why I really appreciate you.

R - Oh stop it, you’re going to make me blush.

N - You believe in fate though?

R - Not really. I believe in chaos for the part where patterns arise over time, writing what one could call fate at posteriori.

N - I see... So you don’t say ‘’it was fate’’, but rather ‘’it became fate’’?

R - That’s a good way to put it. To me fate is a retroactive view of events. I don’t think it’s already written by Sküld.

N - Sküld?

R - My mother was a seamstress. I’ll teach you about sewing if you want.

N - I don’t understand.

I grin. But then I realise something.

R - Do you know... Any story? Takes of imagination, unrelated to your close reality?

N - ...

R - Do you have dreams?

N - I have desires.

R - Hm... I see... Then... There could be, let’s say a source of chaos in life, that you might enjoy having.

~