Ch-4: The League of Life

Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen y’all together, sì?

“Yeah, it's been a while. Are all of us present, padre?”

Except for Hatred, yes. Nine and Six will come after they have learnt the Drive. It would take, knowing Nine - in summa, ten minutes. So, let's get to business! Eight, status report - It's not like I need to know, it's for the rest of them.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Ahem - The local Virgo Supercluster has had thirty-one attacks from the Sauriae Gigantiae in the last month, with unprecedented Field Control levels that have never been matched in history by any individual- ahem, *looks at me* with a single exception.”

I chuckled. The representative from Andromeda, Grey Slime - yes, that's her legit name - stood up and said:

“Ksoworhhsbdhpyjwishgd - Ahem, sorry, I forgot to switch over the language. In Andromeda alone, we have had five attacks in the last month. Over nine hundred of our Field Users have perished fighting them, only a dozen Field Wielders are left in our galaxy.”

The representative from Canis Major, Frocock - not to be confused with Frodo, the representative from Dwingeloo (I love that name) - stood up and said, “President Zero, over thirty trillion of our citizens have perished, and barely thirty percent of our Field Wielders are alive...” He was about to say something more when Eight interrupted him:

“Over forty-four percent of the sentient population of the Laniakea supercluster have perished since the attacks started. The Council would like to request the President to give us further information about these Giant Reptiles or Sauriae Gigantiae.”

“Padre, haven't enough people died already? Even if we just count the number of people who have died this month, it's over quadrillions!”

“Isn't it about time you've told us where these higher-dimensional monsters come from? And what are they after?”

“Yes, President, what do they want?”

Alright, let me get comfy on my chair first and let me have some pizza. Ah, thank you myself, the best chef in existence! It's delectable! Free pizza for y'all as well, it’s on your tables! Anyway -

*Boink*

Oh, Frustration. Hello! You don’t need to throw a stone at me to get my attention, I have a name, you know.

“Come on, get out with it!”

“Yeah, padre.”

“Please, President Salai, tell us.”

“Eyuejwhhdgisi” “Tell us!” “We must know!” “Where do they come from?” “Why are they here?” “Gsyrisvsjppakwhrvbkp” “What are you hiding from us?!” “When am I gonna get laid…?” “EW, why now?!” “What the hell, Frocock?” [in unison, followed by total pandemonium not rendered by the diary]

I was kinda irritated, so I sewed their mouths - literally.

Dudes, chill. They are all after me. I once filled a dystopian five-dimensional universe with farts just for fun. It resulted in a communist revolution that overthrew the upper class. Now the commies are really pissed with all the fart around, and no matter what they try to do they can’t remove it quoniam I had fixed the farts’ positions in spacetime. So they are really pissed off and want to kill me. And yes, Frocock of Canis Major, you can get laid tomorrow with that bartender at the Gal Galaxy Bar if you just ask her out.

*Sounds of Field Users painfully unsewing their lips*

I really want to describe their facial expressions in excruciating detail. Eight looks like he's about to vomit everything he has ever had. Two is chuckling in disappointment, thinking, “I expected exactly this from him - he never does anything ordinary, does he?” Five is having the time of his life with his wide-mouthed silent laugh and even Three is smiling weely. Frocock's mind is bubbly bumbling in the plane of “FINALLY, I WILL GET LAID. WOOOOOOOHHH!!!!!”. And Ms. Grey Slime is just dumbfounded. But Seven really wants to kill me - she is about to have a total meltdown.

“WHY-”

Hey, calm down, Seven-

Damn, she's frustrated. Her face looks like the visual depiction of the gustation of a hot Cheeto, dipped in mint-flavoured butterscotch ice cream diluted in ethanol. One might think that's a very specific reference, but trust me, I have tried it.

“Why do WE have to deal with YOUR nonsense ALL THE TIME? What gave YOU the RIGHT to mess around all the time and not face ANY consequences? WHY THE HELL-”

Dude, I can erase all of existence if I want - shut up and grow up. Like, I allowed that mad doctor to take my genes and create y’all: the Ten Agents of Earth - except me and Two, of course - only to take care of these other-dimensional Field Wielders and let me sleep peacefully; y'all have the highest raw Field Control levels in this universe after me, after all. Like, sure, I could take care of all of them but I like sleeping, so sleeping for ten hours a day-

“Sentient beings across the Laniakea Supercluster are perishing in sextillions every year and you WANT TO SLEEP?”

What? Do I not have the right to rest? I am pretty sure I wrote it in the Constitu-

“PEOPLE ARE DYING, YOU ASSHOLE!”

Uh, what’s new in that exactly?

I love messing around with Seven, she looks so cute when she's angry. And I also love it when Two tries to calm her down - and fails spectacularly. This is going to be hilarious, optime!

“Seven, you know what he's like - we can't really argue with him-”

“Oh shut up, you babbling bag of bubbling empathy! Why does he have no morals at all?! Like, why?!”

I do, actually.

“Oh yeah, what kind of morality lets people suffer and die just ‘coz you wanna sleep?”

Like, I adhere to a code of rules that I never even think of breaking. I think that counts as a definition of morali-

“Oh yeah, what are those ‘rules’?”

I never break any promises I had ever made to my Leo. Like, I never lie, I never kill people unless I have to protect my loved ones, I don't steal, nor do I drink and dance on the rooftop of the Duke's palace-

*Snicker XD*

“The last one was very specific, padre. Sorry, Seven, I couldn't stop chuckling after imagining the scene.”

“Alright, ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Did your smartass boyfriend not tell you to protect people from overpowered psychopaths? Like, what did Leonardo da Vinci do except harbouring the worst psychopath I have ever known and draw naked men and eyebrowless women-”

There. Is. A. Limit. Karen.

“Okay, this is not good. Father, calm down-”

You. Never.

“Oh no, I am sorry. Please-”

Insult. My.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to -”

Leonardo. Da. Vinci.

“Mr. President, I beg your pardon, I am so sorry. I didn’t know what I was rambling-”

Alright, you know what? A hundred 5D aliens are coming here to exterminate this plane of existence. I would have trapped them in a universe of vodka if I weren’t pissed off- now I am just gonna go and sit in their universe and watch y'all get slaughtered. Ave atque vale.

*Swoop*

“Yay, Roku-chan, we did it - Wait, what’s going on?”

Not much, Nine - just a hundred overpowered 5D Field Wielders who want to destroy the three-dimensional plane of existence are about to arrive en masse.

“WHA-?”

Don’t worry, you won’t die, there are no such possible future timelines where you die.

“What on atheist God’s green Earth are you talking about?!”

*CRASH* *BOOM*

“What the hell is happening, Salai!?”

They have come. All the best. It’s time for your evolution, Nine. I will be watching you, see ya.

*Swoosh*

It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Let me prepare my seat for an epic anime showdown - the world is at stake, the heroes are at a great disadvantage, and the villains are rampaging en masse. There’s the IMAX screen, the Dolby interdimensional audio receptor, and my very own LeoX69 interdimensional projector! Sure, I could use VR, but I like this more - it’s the perfect spot between escaping from reality and imitating it. Ah - this, a soft couch, some pizza, chips, and a glass of water - what more does one need in life?

Now, you might ask me: isn't it immoral to watch millions get obliterated by monsters who are actually searching for you? Yes, it is. You might again ask: So, why are you doing this? Why are you letting them die?

To that, I'd say, no one's given me the responsibility to look after people, I am not a god or anything like that. Sure, I can erase all the bad stuff happening throughout the entirety of existence, from every universe, in the blink of an eye, and have everyone live happy little lives in their happy little utopias. But - what’s the fun in that?

Now you might say: But Salai, you have seen everything that has ever happened, that is happening, and that could ever happen in every finite universe and timeline - So why are you doing this? To that, I'd tell you that - this timeline is special. Why exactly? - You might ask with your wrinkled, puzzled face. Hehe, this novel's not named Nine for no reason.

Anyway, let the fun begin!

In the red corner, we have a hundred 5D Field Wielders bigger than the Earth!

In the blue corner, we have the best Field Wielders of the Laniakea Supercluster: the League of Life!

Let the fight begin!

The opening move by the 5D Wielders: Kick the moon into the planet! Wait a minute… Boxing commentary doesn’t really go well with this, does it? Etenim, let me switch to a third-person fantasy narrative, that’d be better. Ahem, ahem.

The moon flung out of its trajectory, with its surface calcinating due to the tremendous force exerted upon it. The large surface of the satellite was illuminated by bright light, brighter than the shine ever imparted upon it by Helios. However, the Sun is still brighter and the moon is over three-hundred-eighty-thousand kilometres away, so it went unnoticed.

What was noticed, however, was the towering umbra of the giant, out-of-the-world being that eclipsed the sun.

Day became darker than night at the League of Life Headquarters as his hands wrapped themselves around the Blue Bead. He was about to ignite the atmosphere and burn the entire world when…

Legions of Field Wielders soared up into the sky with streaks of light streaming through their tracks. Jets of plasma beams went ablast towards the space giant at tremendous velocities, but he wasn’t even scratched. The greatest Field Wielders of Andromeda, Canis Major, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Pegasus, The Magellanic Cloud, Dwingeloo (that’s my favourite galaxy name ever) and tens of thousands of other galaxies from the Laniakea supercluster - swarmed around the gargantuan gargoyle with a grotesque gorilla-like visage, veneered with a colour vaguely resembling vomit.

Hundreds of thousands of laser and plasma beams flung across the aether as the giant 5D monster was attacked - with no effect but irritation. He smacked many of them out of the Earth’s orbit. While others were catapulted back at Earth at a thousand times the speed of sound - and one of them was Frocock.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” shrieked Frocock as he flapped his hands like a pigeon to halt his uncontrolled descent into the planet. He frantically tried to fuse the Field to his fidgety flaps to flatten his falling curve but he failed fantastically,

“Ah, it's over, ain't it?” He thought, “I am gonna die a virgin, aren't I?”

(I am loving this narrator job, it's just perfect! I really like flexing my vocabulary and sense of humour, optime! Wait, let me refill my popcorn bucket - Oof, why are these sentinels on the lookout for me attacking me when I am enjoying a live-action movie? It’s annoying, y’all! Shut up and turn into my lifetime supply of Coca-Cola and let me enjoy the show for God’s sake!)

Frocock was about to impact the Yucatan peninsula at a thousand Mach speed and cause another mass extinction event when a cushion of Kindness saved him from certain death.

Frocock cried, “Oh, thank you, Agent Two! Thank you SO MUCH!!!”

“Mi ‘spiace, signore,” said Kindness himself, “I was busy evacuating the people from this System to Proxima Centauri with the other Agents. Take care of the injured, I will go into the fray now.”

Thus said he as he leapt at the gargantuan monster at Brobdingnagian speed, creating a crater from where he jumped - jettisoning Frocock into the Atlantic. Two said, “Sorry again!” to Frocock by telepathy while Frocock shrieked, "WHY AM I ALWAYS USED FOR COMIC EFFECT?"

Out of nowhere came a flash that sent shockwaves throughout the galaxy and pummeled the leviathan giant - like a Gamma Ray Burst. Staggered, the giant Filius Saurii was displaced by twenty lightseconds from the Earth by the blast before he could control his ambit of velocity. He tried to -

(What the hell, man? Let me watch this epic showdown, dudes! I don’t care about your smelly fart problems! I mean, sure, I did it for fun and I didn’t really care about the consequences - but that doesn’t mean you have to interrupt me when I am narrating and breaking the fourth wall! You know what, let me just stop time in this universe, then I can watch what’s going on over there without interruption. So where was I? Oh yeah.)

The giant tried to use Alcubierre Drive to go back to his target, but he was interrupted by a strange barrier - the peculiar barrier of his own psyche.

“You are just a child, aren’t you?” - A voice reverberated across his animus - a stern, but kind voice.

“What is happening!? Who are you? Why can’t I move?!” - The giant’s subconscious squealed in dreadful trepidation.

“Why are you doing this?” - The ever-so-stern voice replied.

“I - I don’t know,” the giant child stuttered, “I don’t have anything else to do… I have no skill at anything but destruction. But who are you to - ?”

“Why do you destroy?”

It was as if a strange leash of honesty bounded his hypnotic self, forcing him to answer truthfully even without his volition. After every stutter, the same phrase “Why do you destroy?” repeated in his subconscious psyche.

“I -”

“Why do you destroy?”

“I - who are y -?”

“Why do you destroy?”

“I - I don’t know - I can’t do anything else -”

“Why do you destroy?”

“I follow whatever the High Command tells me to - I just want to live -”

“Why do you destroy?”

“They praise me when I do, they praise me when I destroy - ”

“Why do you destroy?”

“They praise me, I like the praise - I - I like being praised - I -”

“Why do you destroy?”

“Stop - I - STOP - I want to be - STOPPPP, I BEG YOU - I want to be loved…”

The voice stopped as the giant child broke into tears and wailed, “I - I just want to be loved! They - They killed my mom when I was born, to raise me as a war machine in the fight against the communists... When the communists took over, they used me for the same thing, even more ruthlessly... I - I am sorry - I don’t like this, but I - I am weak - I do not want to die - They’ll kill me if I don’t follow them - I - I - I… I want to live… I want to love… I want to be free… Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh… Help me… Someone… Please…”

“It’s alright,” replied the Kind Voice, “You don’t have to fight anymore. We will protect you,” and the leviathan child felt a motherly embrace and an endearing pat on his head for the first time in his life.

But that was short-lived.

The Candle of Kindness was blown away by a blast and was knocked down. The giant came out of the telepathic hypnosis. Dozens of 5D monsters were informed of the Field Wielders’ presence by the shockwave and located them. The Moon was coming closer and closer to the Earth, with its orbit rapidly receding. The greatest trump card of Field Wielders was out drifting unconscious in a vacuum outside the Earth’s sphere of influence. What happens next? Find out in the next chapter by the protagonist of Nine himself!

Damn, I sound like a cringe anime narrator now.

Next Chapter: Death and Destruction