Seducing and a Total Failure

“What a long day…” Richard yawned loudly, lazily scratching his backside. He had just stumbled out of the portal his girlfriend–Morrigan, The Demon Lord–had so graciously created for him and was now on a determined, zombie-like march toward his bed.

The day started bright and early with a long trek through the woods just to fight off a horde of goblins. That was the simple and easy part of the day. Being dragged around by a warrior demon right afterward and having to explain the birds and the bees to her was not something he had imagined doing ever, let alone without break from his quest.

A shower was called for as the foul smell of goblin guts was coating him, but he was far too worn out to raise his arms higher than where they dragged on the ground. Weary eyes shined with joy as he grabbed the top blanket of his bed.

BAAAMMMMMM!!!

Richard didn’t even lift his head, just wincing his eyes, fearing he knew who he would see if he were to open them.

“Human!” Veyla screeched from the entrance of his hobble of a home. Her footsteps echoed against the walls as she marched her way towards him. “Where are you? We have unfinished business!”

Wishing his sweet bed farewell with a pat, the tired man turned around to face the dim demon searching for him. “I have a name you know. And you are paying for a new door, Veyla,” he vaguely gestured towards the splintered remains of his front door barely hanging from its hinges.

“That doesn’t matter now.” She planted herself in front of him, hands on her hips, “I have not given up on my plan.”

Scratching his ear and flicking away the built-up wax, Richard asked, “And what plan would that be?”

Clicking her heels together and puffing out her chest, “I, Veyla, Head of the noble Noctis House and Commander of the Shadow Legion, the right hand of Demon Lord Morrigan Valkris and scourge of the battlefield, the strongest warrior among all Demonkind shall take you, Richard Dixon, as my mate. Using my superior blood, you and I shall bring forth the strongest Hero of all time who will be a soldier of her infernal reign.”

The pudgy man had a snot bubble forming out his nose. It popped, shaking him back awake. “Huh? Wha-? Oh? You done?”

“Done?”

“Cool, I am going to take a nap,” spinning on his heels, he flashed a wave behind him as he moved back to his bedroom. “Have fun with… whatever you were talking about.”

But he found his path blocked by her massive form.

“What are you doing!?” She fumed, stomping her foot repeatedly, “You are supposed to agree after hearing how amazing I am!”

Richard could only let out a tired sigh as he massaged his aching neck with a hand, “What’s in it for me?”

The imposing warrior hesitated, blinking in confusion, “… Eternal glory?”

“I’m good.”

“Access to my family’s immense wealth?”

He only shrugged, “I feel like Morrigan’s got more…”

Nervous sweat trickled down her brow, “My-my…company? And undying affection?”

“Alright, well, I am gonna get back to my nap,” he yawned and maneuvered around her.

“W-wait!” she sputtered, turning to desperately catch at him, “I’m not done yet!”

Rolling his head back in exasperation, he sighed loudly, “Fine, what next?”

“If Plan A has failed, then on to Plan B!”

Plan B: A Home-Cooked Meal

“If my pedigree and strengths won't have you drooling with lust then I shall dazzle you with my display of my housewife qualities!”

“I am more surprised that you know what those qualities are than I am that you came with your own cue cards. Where did that even come from?”

But as Richard turned to get the answer from Veyla, she had since vanished in a huff towards his kitchen. The terrible noises that came from the other side of that door would scare even the most battle hardened men to tears.

Just as quickly as she had disappeared she returned with a tray held high enough for him to wonder what concoction she had devised to unleash upon him. She was now donning a pink apron smeared with a red substance that he didn’t want to know the origin of. “Table, sit, now,” She snapped her fingers and pointed to his small dinner table in the corner.

“Not exactly housewife like.” The adventurer grumbled, taking his seat at the table without taking his eyes off the demon’s tray.

In a flash, the tray was lowered before him. He could only eye the “meal”, if you want to call it that, suspiciously. Somehow she managed to burn the meat and leave it completely raw… and twitching? The sauce it was smothered in bubbled and gurgled in a tone that seemed to be plotting its escape.

He cut his eyes back to the war demon who gave him a confused look.

“What?” she shot back in frustration. “Oh wait! I got it!” She stood up right and began to twirl around with her hands above her head. “Kyuu! Kyuu! Become magically… Tasty!” She finished with a heart shape between her clawed hands. From the shape, little lightning bolts struck the dish, scorching the meat more and causing it to cry out in pain.

Richard could feel his sanity deteriorating further as he saw her wink at him cutely. Or at least attempting to, as it was more like a fish eyed blinking. Grimacing and sucking in all the courage he had accumulated in his life, readying his fork and himself to meet his fate.

As the prongs of the fork neared the food, it reached up and snapped it in half. Shrugging to the side, it flung it to the wall opposite them where it impaled itself. Settling back down onto the plate, it grumbled at him as if it was annoyed.

“I am not eating this…” He pushed the plate safely away from him.

Dropping her attempt at cuteness, Veyla stomped her foot. “Why the hell not?”

“I have a strict rule of not eating food that is self-aware …still.”

Gnashing her teeth, “Very well! If even my domestic skills are not enough for you, I shall move on to Plan C!”

“You don’t have to-”

Plan C: Seduction

It was too late, the title card appeared. And Richard was really not wanting to see where this was going to go.

But turning back to his current house guest he saw her stripping off her splattered apron, letting it pool on the floor at her bare feet as she swung back her long locks with graceful abandon. She moaned softly as she ran her hands down her feminine side, tugging playfully on the hem of her leopard skin top, before leaning forward and pushing her chest out towards him with her hands resting sensually on her hips.

“So do I… turn you on…?” She cooed softly.

Or perhaps that's what she thought she did?

Because what she actually did was rip off the apron, toss it on the ground. Then march right up into his face and press her chiseled chest into his face and grunting at him. There are probably animals out there that find this display attractive. But as far as we are aware, Richard is not an animal (possibly) nor was he impressed.

He stared half lidded at her toned muscles being flexed in a flirtatious way, but he knew better.

“Sorry, I am not into little girls.”

“Huh?” Veyla went stiff as her jaw fell open, “Little? I am way taller than you? You barely come up to my shoulders! How am I a little girl?”

“You just don’t seem mature to me,” Richard shrugged back.

“I am older than you by at least a century!”

This was basic knowledge, Demons age much slower than humans. But they usually reach full maturity by the time they are 100 years old.

Richard’s moved over her body, stopping briefly on her flat chest before moving up to her fuming face again. In his mind, he compared her to Morrigan and found there were no comparisons. After his day with her so far, he wasn’t convinced.

“Alright, little girl,” he raised a hand to his mouth to cover a yawn, “It’s been a long day so far and Uncle Richard needs a nap.”

He once again made his retreat to his bedroom. But to his surprise he wasn’t interrupted on his journey to his bed.

In fact, it was surprisingly quick. But his bed felt a little uncomfortable somehow.

What’s with my arms and legs, they seem stuck?

Glancing over, he saw strange metal chains wrapped around his wrists, binding him spread eagle.

I don’t remember putting those there. And what’s with this weight on my chest?

Moving his worried eyes down his body, he found the War Demon straddling him, her thighs holding his chest in place. Her eyes swirled with a potent mixture of rage and desire. Her gnarled lips pulled back to expose her jagged fangs in a twisted grin. “That’s it! If you don't go willingly, then I will just have to go with Plan D!”

Plan D: Desperation!

“Wait! What does that mean!?”

“Yes!” Using the razor sharp tip of her finger, she cut the fabric of her top, letting it fall slightly. “You and I shall fu-”

“Hey! The author is already on thin ice as it is! Don’t push it! And put on some clothes so he doesn’t have to censor that too!

“I shall force the Hero into existence!”

A wave of dark magic began swirling around the bed, licking at the hanging sheets, while Veyla moved down the portly man’s body to do the same.

But that was cut short as she found herself being lifted into the air. She struggled in vain to break free from the grasp on the nape of her neck. Turning to glare at who dared to stop her from reaching her ultimate goal, she spat, “Let me go before I-”

She froze.

Connected to the hand that held her aloft was a pair of glowing purple eyes that froze the air and caused her to become drenched in a terrified sweat.

“Don’t you dare.” Morrigan’s voice was steady but burning with the ferocity of a million hells. “He is mine.”

Veyla gulped and desperately tried to drop to the ground and bow as lowly as she could. “Forgive me, My Lady! I only wanted to serve you!”

“By defying my orders and trying to steal my boyfriend?”

“I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry!”

The blaze in Morrigan’s eyes burned on until she extinguished it with a sigh. “I appreciate your… devotion? But if you try anything like this again, you will be wishing for death long before I’m done with you.”

The large War Demon shrunk, trying to hide in herself from her master’s gaze. Richard could only guess she had met the newspaper before. He sympathized with her.

“Fine…” Veyla meekly let slip as Morrigan dropped her to her feet, then proceeded to free Richard from his entrapment.

“Come now, darling. Let’s get you a real meal. I am thinking of another date night.” She teased as Richard grumbled in exasperation.

But as they passed, Veyla glared out with a pouting look, muttering under her breath, “I’m still not done with you, human…”

Richard only sighed, “Why do I feel like this is going to be a recurring thing?”