4.3) Let Me Show You Something New

Mary ate her “breakfast” sandwich around five o’clock at a quiet cafe, taking small bites so as to not open her mouth too wide and cause her pimple patch to slip off. When her mouth got too dry, she took a sip out of her green tea. Normally she would be drinking black coffee with her meal, but knowing that green tea had anti-oxidants that were rumored to improve skin health, she made the decision to go against her preferred way of dining.

Meanwhile, Atlas sat in front of her at the table by the window. After she chatted with him further as they walked here from the student store, it had become very clear to her that her initial impression of him was slightly off: periods of his silence would be followed with a sudden rush of sentences that he seemed to have constructed in his silence. It seemed to her that he only spoke once he organized his thoughts into very clear lines of thought. She couldn’t tell if he was patient or just slow at coming up with things to talk about. Perhaps it was both.

She finished chewing and swallowed the piece of sandwich in her mouth, preparing to speak.

“Say, Atlas. You sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

“No. Not until I repay the favor.”

She gently scoffed. “Don’t be silly, Atlas. You don’t owe me anything. Suit yourself, I guess, but know that it’s uncomfortable to be the only one eating.” She took her final bite of the sandwich.

“Right… you and your comfort.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said with her mouth full. “I can handle it. If you don’t want to eat, then don’t.”

“Then I won’t. But surely, there must be something I could do for you, Mary Everhart. For example…”

“... Don’t you want to travel the world or anything? See the world? Will you really spend your last days in this small city?”

She laughed, and Atlas frowned, not seeing the humor in it.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“Why would I want to travel the world when I can’t even experience everything here?” she said. “I’ve always been baffled with that mentality. Most people who want to explore the world don’t even know the nooks and crannies of their own homes. And besides…”

She leaned forward, spinning her green tea with the spoon.

“... Call me close minded, but I’m pretty sure the rest of the world isn’t such a wonderful place. I’ve already seen and experienced the best of life here. There’s not much I want to see out there. It’s a scary world.”

She sipped her drink. “Maybe nature is more beautiful in other parts of the world, and maybe there are some amazing buildings in others. And there definitely are interesting cultures that are different from here. But when it comes down to it, people are still people. The essence of life never changes…”

Her cup and her head tilted back as she finished drinking the tea. She set down the cup on the table, then wiped her lips with the napkin.

“... And that’s why I don’t really find a need to go do anything special. I think there are just two sides to this life: reality and worse reality. And I have little interest in either. So yes, I’ll just live out the rest of my insignificant life here in this city. I’m perfectly fine with that.”

She watched Atlas closely for a reaction, but it seemed that he was unresponsive. He was still staring out the window.

Was that too dark?

“Uh, well,” she said, “I mean, reality can be fun, I guess. Of course it could. It’s just… I don’t feel like there’s much left for me to see and do. I don’t mind dying like this.”

She paused. That still sounds depressing, she thought. I should just shut up and wait for a reaction.

She crumpled the bag that the sandwich had come in, squeezing it into the empty cup, then rolled up the receipt into her pockets. Then, she put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her intertwined fingers, watching Atlas. It was strange, but it felt like she could see the gears turning in his head despite his blank expression.

Eventually, he spoke.

“Are you done eating?”

She blinked. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I am. Do you want to leave?”

“Yes.”

“Right… okay.”

***

When they left the cafe, the sun was slowly setting, reddening the sky around it, and the city seemed to be slowly lighting up. Another day had passed. And with that, they were one day closer to the end.

Mary sighed. In the end, things turned out to be no different from yesterday. Another day of disappointment. There was no catharsis.

And like before, Atlas stood there, as if waiting for someone to tell him what to do. As if he was back to not saying anything again. Perhaps she really had said too much.

She opened her mouth. “Listen, Atlas. Maybe I was wrong.”

His eyes met hers. “What do you mean?”

She sighed. “I’m sorry I brought down the mood. I thought you’d agree with my thoughts. But it seems that I was wrong.”

He tilted his head. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Sometimes silence speaks louder than words, Atlas. It’s pretty clear to me that you don’t entirely agree with my sentiments…”

She put her hand on her hip. “I was stupid. I was just projecting myself onto you. I’m sorry.”

She looked down to the floor. Admittedly, this was just her way of trying to return home. To just forget about all this and go back to her solitude. Of course she wouldn’t find people with her mindset out here: they were probably rotting in their homes or already dead. And now she was stuck talking to some guy that her brother knew.

He’s a loner. But I guess it doesn’t mean that he dislikes the world.

… It must be nice.

But before she could say her farewells, Atlas spoke.

“You didn’t bring down the mood, Mary Everhart. And I don’t disagree with your sentiments, either.”

She looked up to his blank face. “Huh?”

“I occasionally have similar, grim thoughts. I just don’t like saying those thoughts out loud. It’s one thing to hear those voices in my head, but it’s an entirely different thing to hear it from someone else. It made me feel bad for you.”

“Oh… I see.”

“I understand your negativity. Don’t blame yourself. I’m certain everyone feels that way sometimes. Even your brother.”

“But it’s not just something that comes and goes, Atlas. I…” She looked down. “I feel this way all the time.”

“Well, I have until the end of the world to try and make you feel better. Hopefully three weeks are enough.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

He crossed his arms. “You said earlier that you don’t want to travel the world because you can’t experience everything here in this city, yes?”

“Yeah?”

“Then we can start from here. This will be how I repay my debts to you.” He uncrossed his arms, then opened his arms to his sides, as if beckoning her to come hug him.

“Uh… what? What are you doing?”

“I’ll help you explore this city. I’ll carry you.”

She blinked several times. It felt like someone had just slapped her upwards across the face and caused her brain to hit the ceiling of her skull like a sloshing jelly. She felt a wave of dizziness wash over her.

By the time she recovered from his sudden proposal, she realized that he was still in that same position with the same empty look on his face.

“… You’re serious?”

“Yes. Come.”

She patted her pockets. It looked like her phone and pepper spray were there. If anything happened right now, she could just spray him and run away. He didn’t look very fast, anyways.

Her heart was beating out of her chest. She was hesitant, yet his absolute confidence in his sudden gesture seemed to reassure her. His gigantic yet gentle presence comforted her. It was as if the man that stood in front of her was from a greater world–as if she was Simon Peter, being compelled by the messiah to walk onto the water and join him.

She was compelled to believe.

She sighed. “Fine. Fine, okay.”

I’ll kill him if he tries anything weird, she thought. I really will.

When she stepped closer, Atlas gently lifted her in his cold arms in a bridal carry, and she blushed even harder. Atlas was the second man to carry her this way, aside from her own father in her youth. She felt like a child again. And in a strange way, she felt a bit at peace... or was it just the blood rushing to her head?

“Right. Let’s go,” he said.

“Oka–”

Before she could finish her sentence, she felt her body momentarily feel heavier from the upward acceleration. And immediately, her blush disappeared from her face and was replaced with an expression of pure confusion and shock.

“.............................”

There were no words she could say at that moment. She didn’t scream, because his arms were becoming more warm and comforting as they rose higher and higher. She wasn’t in awe, because she was having trouble processing what she was seeing. It felt like she was riding an escalator up somewhere… except that the escalator wasn’t connected to anything at the very top.

As her mind blanked out, her mouth spoke on its own.

“... Uh, Atlas?”

“Yes?”

“... Can you put me down?”

Eventually, Atlas reached the top of a six-story building and gently put her down.

“Thank you,” her mouth said.

“You’re welcome.”

“.............................”

“.............................”

“.............................”

She walked to the ledge, put her hands on the short wall, then looked down. From there, she blankly stared at the cafe she dined at just a few minutes ago.

“.............................”

“.............................”

“.............................”

… Well, there goes my sanity.