Naoe

It wasn’t always darkness. Naoe could remember that much. Once, many lifetimes ago, her slumber was a place of recovery and rest. Time moved gently as her spirit would recover from the labor of tending to the trees that had grown around her. Every root and bloom of tree, plant, flower, and blade of grass in that area was under her dominion, gaining its energy and life force from her. Was it supposed to be that way? She couldn’t remember. How long had this been happening? That was forgotten by now. Then came the park.

Several decades ago, thousands of trees were planted in what had been wild nature. Before that, her dominion had been a few hundred. Now, it was tenfold. Naoe watched with joy as the thousands of saplings grew and matured into the beautiful wonders they were meant to be. But she felt their draw on her strength. After dozens of generations of carrying the burden of support for this land alone, years and years of rapid growth in the taxation of her body left her feeling utterly depleted. Depleted, alone, and forgotten.

It had not been easy, sitting under her tree for hundreds of years and watching the world move on from her. Sometimes, a person would be able to see her, and she knew it meant they were supposed to replace her. That was not a burden she would wish on anyone. Loneliness had become all-consuming in the lifetimes she had been forced to sit at that single tree and watch sunset after sunset alone with no place to go. Sorrow and isolation snuck into her mind without her sensing it, and after the slow whittling away of her defenses that were once so strong, depression overtook her.

Every season of return marked another season of being alone and invisible. Of knowing that rest could come, but it meant passing this burden to another. As she sat there in quiet isolation, memory became fog. Mental clarity about who she was and how she’d wound up in this place to begin with all began to fade, until after years of suppression and drifting, Naoe was left with only the most basic remembrance of who she was. If she was never going to pass the burden to another, why carry the pain of knowing how to do so? If she was never going to open up to someone again, why remember who she was at all?

Thus, she became an abyss.

As her strength faded, her ability to stay in the human world began to taper. Whereas she once stayed from Spring to Fall and only rested in Winter, now she only had the strength to wake for the blooming season. This was another aspect that she eventually forgot, and after years of repetition, that became her reality. In her mind, she had always only existed with the blooming flowers. That was easier to remember than the truth.

Weaker and weaker she became until that truly was the only period she was able to wake. More strain and effort was becoming required of her to keep her dominion nurtured. Everything felt harder. Demand on her spirit and body continued to grow. She felt herself giving out. After years of waiting, another person was finally able to see her. The lady was an employee of the park who had moved there from Kyoto. She had a true love for trees and would talk to all of them as she made her rounds every morning. Her name was Emi.

Weeks passed before Naoe decided to reveal herself to Emi. One day, they finally spoke. Emi was immediately intrigued by this mysterious girl in a pink kimono who appeared beneath a random tree. Their friendship took time to grow. Emi was not interested in people. Her head was constantly down and focused on her work. She was dry and matter-of-fact. Naoe sensed her affections for the blooms and blossoms, but not for humans. Years passed and slowly Emi began to converse with Naoe.

As Emi worked, Naoe would overhear words like ‘degradation’ and ‘strain’. The park’s soil was losing its strength, and deep down Naoe knew it was her. By never passing the burden to another, Naoe had exhausted herself and the very earth with her. Now the beautiful park and all of its natural wonders were at risk of fading. Naoe knew that it was time. She could no longer be the caretaker of this park. Her time in this world was ending. When enough time had passed, she revealed the truth to Emi. It did not go well.

Emi cursed Naoe, and called her a vindictive spirit. Emi revealed she had a husband and two children, and would never leave them just to save a stranger and some trees. Then she quit her job and never returned. Naoe had finally asked for help, but it was too late. With Emi gone, Naoe was forced to return to sitting alone as life left her and the soil began to reach a breaking point. Years passed, and hope seemed lost. Naoe made peace with it all and reflected on the teachings she had grown up with regarding impermanence. Nature was not meant to last forever. Everything lived and died. Even the park would one day have to pass. Mujo was inescapable.

Naoe hoped that maybe the trees could be moved to healthier soil, somewhere far away from her dominion. She hoped the workers, so smart and meticulous, would carefully transplant all of the other beautiful trunks and root systems she had come to cherish, leaving her there alone so that she could fade into nothingness and the curse of the caretaker’s burden would finally break. All that she could do was wait.

Then one day, after years and years of accepting the end and praying for a better life for her tree companions, a young boy in a school uniform bumped into her. In a single instant, the warm joy from his boyish smile and happiness undid decades of isolated acceptance in her heart. Even though Naoe was trying to keep her secrets hidden away, and had long ago accepted never to pass the burden to the next caretaker, she found herself drawn to the boy as she watched him age year after year. By the time he was a young man approaching adulthood, he was handsome, happy, and kind.

Fear crept into Naoe’s heart. She never wanted him to know if he was supposed to be her replacement. She would keep that hidden forever, and one day fade into nothingness without ever mentioning a word to him. So she stayed guarded. She stayed mysterious. Even as they spent evenings together and he asked her unaware questions about school and swimming in the ocean, she savored the innocence of it all and was happy to get to meet the last one before her end. Then, one day, he vanished without a word.

It was different from Emi’s departure. He did not seem mad at her. Their last day together had been pleasant and relaxing. Something about his disappearance felt off. Even when it came time to slumber, Naoe’s thoughts were consumed by him. In her dreams, she saw images of him screaming alone in pain and vulnerability. Brutal wounds broke his body and mind, and Naoe saw visions of him praying for death. When she awoke the next spring, he never came to see her. The next year it was the same.

Naoe was surprised that the depletion of her soul felt temporarily paused. Something was drawing her to stay in the world a little longer. As she thought about it during her time alone beneath her tree, she realized her heart was commanding her to stay around at least a little longer. Hazuki was out there somewhere, and even if she could not be with him or ever see him again, she could send some of her strength to him. Deep in the void, when she slumbered that year, Naoe prayed that some of her heart could move across the span of existence and reach Hazuki.

Maybe, through the connection they shared as caretakers, she could find his heart as he slept and fill it with memories of peace that they once shared as they watched the sunset. Day after day she sent out the prayer like a radio signal across the stars. She did not know it, and Hazuki couldn’t explain it, but it worked. Somewhere, far away, Naoe’s prayer reached Hazuki’s fractured spirit, and in the darkness of his nightmarish sleep, a hint of safety and comfort planted itself in his mind. That seed took root and spread through his mind like vines, reinforcing his heart to continue living, even if he didn’t know why.

Years passed and he survived the hardship. Drugged thoughts led him back to the place he grew up, and a single photo returned him to the park. There, unknown to Naoe, he waited for her. That was where she found him. After all those years, he was back, but he wasn’t the Hazuki she had known. Now he was broken, and that brokenness was familiar to her. She revealed some of her truth, but not all of it. They shared a few weeks of comfort with one another, and it was time to go. As Naoe drifted into slumber, she debated if she should reveal the truth to Hazuki.

She feared he would want to save her. She would refuse. But Naoe did not want to vanish without giving him closure and release. So she decided that she would explain as much as she could when she returned. That was the plan. Then the storm came, and an explosion of horrifying pain ripped her out of her slumber that night. 

As her entire spirit felt like it was being ripped into two, she had a vision of Hazuki in the mortal realm shielding her tree with his body as storm winds tore his skin and her bark.

“Hazuki! Hazuki, I'll be there soon! Please hold on! I’ll be back soon!” Naoe cried out in the void as she closed her eyes and gritted her teeth to try and forget the excruciating pain that was threatening to erase her right then and there.

“Wait for me Hazuki!” she screamed out once more as the pain overwhelmed her and all faded away.