the demon and the maid discuss the meaning of life while naked

"Am I getting fired?"

"No," Sionn replied.

"...is that sarcasm?"

"No."

"So I'm not getting fired."

"No."

There was a pause. Thankfully, Reem killed it. "I thought you were hurt."

"Yes."

"Isn't it like... bad... to take a bath with an open wound?"

"Yes."

"Bad Mr. Demon."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Get out," he said.

"Do you really mean it?"

"Ye... n..." He splashed water at her.

"Bweh!"

"Well deserved."

"What did I even do this time!?"

"Do you want a list?"

This made her fizzle. As Reem sank into the water, she more closely resembled a wick amidst a sea of wax than a person. "...no..."

Or a blue turtle.

"...they don't glow, by the way."

It took a few seconds to realize she referred to his horns. "No." 

Reem sighed, and Sionn agreed.

The halfling boy's words were parasites.

'The same that you felt when Reem talked to you.'

If not for that slander gnawing at his thoughts, he wouldn't be so...

So...

When only his head remained above the water, he said, "Speak."

Reem jumped. "S-sorry?"

"I said speak. Or I kill you."

"Oh, um. But."

"But what, inferior creature?"

"...oh, dear." Then Reem-turtle emerged from her carapace, leaning against the edge of the pool rather than curling into herself. It was very risque. "I keep trying to talk, but the thing is, you don't. But sure! Sure. Say yes or no so I can fail to keep this going."

"No."

"Thanks. How's life? Yes or no?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad." Reem cleared her throat. He opened her mouth, then closed it. "How's, uh... the view?"

"Unremarkable."

"I-I meant the weather. The weather. I dunno why I said that. Or wait no I was thinking that it's nice for me so that's why... that's why I..." She splashed at him. "The view from the LANDSCAPE not you that's what I meant it's just pretty not you you look like a deer."

"And you look like a mushroom."

She snorted. "True."

He supposed the bathing area was aesthetically pleasing. Most of the color came from the water, though. 

To smile after being compared to mushrooms and deer was deranged, but that didn't stop them from doing it.

Smiles were contagious. It wasn't a good thing, not anymore. Sionn dipped down to the bridge of his nose. 

"Mr. Demon?"

"Ms. Human." He had to re-emerge to say this. But then he dipped again.

"Wait! No, no. Your turn. Speak. Or I kill you."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm serious. Technically you would be dead already if it weren't for me. By your admission. So."

He shook his head. 

"And now you deny it... the nerve..."

He nodded.

"...oh, dear. This is even worse than yes or no."

He nodded.

"Eyes up here, Mr. De—bweh!"

He'd splashed her again. Sionn sat up, so now they were eye-to-chest, in a less damning manner. "I know not what you did to the springs," he said, "But I can't see a thing below the surface, and it wasn't like this yesterday. Keep your accusations to yourself."

Reem cowered. "S-sorry."

"Oh, I wasn't..."

"Yeah, no, it's fine. I forget."

...and there it was, fear. She receded into her carapace again, looking away. 

Sionn sighed; whether Reem agreed or not was a mystery. "What did I do wrong this time?"

"Nothing," she peeped.

"Clearly that is not the case. Why won't you explain what went wrong so this doesn't have to happen every. Single. Time we converse for longer than five minutes?"

She sank.

"I don't understand. I keep telling you not to interact, not to force yourself, not to—anything. Stop giving me hope."

The split-second in which they held eye contact was torturous.

He sank.

"Hope?" Asked Reem. There was a pause, and Sionn did not kill it. "What do you mean..."

"I misspoke."

"...did you now..."

"Yes."

"Nah."

"You're fired."

"No I'm not. Fine! Fine. Let's make a deal: if you tell me what you meant, I will tell you what's wrong. Yes? No? If you say no I'll hang you from a tree."

"Try," he said.

"Mr. Demon, come on." She took a deep, deep breath. Any longer and she would've floated away, to go bother someone else, at last. "Sionn."

If he could've scowled at her, he would've.

Since Reem could grin, she did. When he splashed at her again, she actually laughed. "I knew you'd do that."

"So be it," he said. "However, I comply under the following conditions: one, you shall go first. Two, you shall not cower."

Reem broke the second one immediately, but he let it pass. It wasn't a conscious choice anyway. "Yeah. I will. I mean I won't. Deal is what I'm saying."

"Very well." He sat up.

"...aiiee..."

"I'm waiting."

"...gghhhff..."

In a roundabout way, this answered both of them at once. Just like he would not stop being something wrong, she would not stop seeking him. It was such a simple, solvable, ridiculous plight. He said, "Then I shall take my leave. Please abstain from committing work avoidance again. Remember to—"

Reem stood up. 

"To—Reem!?"

Reem clasped her hands on his shoulders. She stared at him. He stared at her—at her eyes. "Exactly!" She said. "Me! I'm what's wrong. Don't think that it's your fault or anything because it's not I'm always what's wrong and I always have been and I always will be but! But I keep forgetting."

"You're trembling." Forgetting what?

"Yeah, 'cuz it's cold."

"And because you are afraid."

"Two things can be right at once."

"Then I suppose we can both be what's wrong." When Sionn took her hand, Reem flinched. "Having said that, I disagree."

"Of course you do," she mumbled. Neither of them looked at each other anymore. "If you're going to say something nice, just don't. Shut up."

"Something nice."

"...ugh."

"Now, if you would be so kind as to sit lest you catch a cold..."

"Ehh."

"How about preserving what little modesty you have left?"

"There's none," she said. "Hasn't been any for years."

"Then..." He trailed off. "Truly?"

"Yeah, truly. Human men go after anything that'll give them the time of day. Oh, is that the kind of hope you were looking for? Are your standards that low?"

"Reem."

"Nope."

"You're not fine."

"Nope."

"I would like you to be."

"I would like you to be, too, but that's not how life works. Ow! Hot." She sat beside him this time. "If it were for me then you wouldn't break yourself all the time, either. I wouldn't even be here. I'd have friends instead of harassing my boss as a substitute for company and making him feel bad for me which is why I haven't gotten fired yet or why I got hired in the first place actually."

"Oh, please. Surely you must have at least someone who... no?" Reem shook her head. It was bullshit, almost certainly, but Sionn followed along. "Well, you seem sociable enough, and you are cute. Surely—"

"Cute?"

"Uh. Yes."

"Me?"

"No, me."

Happiness stank. He had to turn his head to the other side. "You think so?" Reem asked. "Really?"

"I—I guess."

"Thank you!"

—was about to make another snide comment, but that phrase, that reaction, the way her heart raced when nakedness failed to affect her...

"Honestly I think you are good-looking too but I didn't say anything because I thought you thought I'm ugly because let's be real I am but if so then I can say it. You're one of those guys that looks thinner with your clothes on huh I wish that was me but in my case it's not muscle I just have flabby arms and I wish I had hair like—"

He squished her cheeks.

"—yorsh."

"I wish I was shorter," he said.

"Why..."

"I wish I was not cursed. I wish I could speak normally to others. I wish I could tell if you're being genuine or not half the time."

"Amm!"

He let her go. "That reminds me: you're not getting paid for this time."

"Aight."

He would've expected her to complain.

"I bet you expected me to complain. But no. But what I will complain about is that you still haven't done your part of the deal."

"Done? Fulfilled?"

"Ehh."

"I did," he said, "If you failed to notice, that is on you."

"If... huh? When?"

"Ehh."

"Stop lying. Stop copying me. You—that's not fair!"

Sionn shrugged. "Woe be to those who sign a deal with a demon." Predictably, he was splashed. "Unleash your ire if you must."

"What did you mean by 'hope'?"

"I have already answered."

"No you haven't." She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Bye. My fingers are getting pruny anyway."

"May your fingers deprune."

"Mhm. Sionn?"

"Ms. Human?"

Reem fidgeted.

"I won't pay you for slacking off."

"It's not that, just... maybe... could... do you think we could talk like this again maybe?"

"If we must." Those words left a bitter taste in his mouth. "If we can." Still not good. "If..."

Both bitter and sweet.

"I hope so."