That day, on that bridge

WARNING: This chapter contains depictions of self-harm. Please, read at your own discretion.

"Again, Taka?"

Her voice was soft, almost amused, like this was some kind of game. Like my heart wasn't on the table for the seventh time in seven years.

"Well, you mentioned that you liked me the other day," I said, trying to sound casual. "That was a first, so I took it as a hint."

"Oh, come on. I say that to everyone!"

Not to me, you don't. You also flirt with me to no end, cling to me like I'm yours, and get jealous whenever I hang out with other girls.

But, like always, I decided to leave that part out.

"Thought I'd try again. You know. Lucky number seven."

Chiaki smiled. The same smile I'd been chasing since middle school. The same one that had always made me believe maybe, just maybe, next time she'd say yes.

"I'm flattered," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Really. But..."

Here it comes.

"...there's someone else I've been interested in lately."

And just like that, the air left my lungs. Not because I was heartbroken — I'd been rejected before. I could handle that. No, what hurt was how light she made it sound. Like I was a chapter she'd skimmed over a long time ago.

"Oh," I said, the word dropping like a stone in my throat. "Only a month, huh?"

She didn't deny it. Just gave me that same gentle smile. The one she used on everyone.

"Yeah. He's this really cool guy who has shown me nothing but kindness. I wanna go for him, so I hope you understand."

I do. I really do. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

What about me? I've shown you nothing but kindness. No... that's false. I've shown you kindness and more, but I've always gotten the short end of the stick. For seven whole years.

The clouds rolled in like clockwork. By the time I crossed the bridge back to campus, the sky was already covered in clouds.

I didn't have an umbrella. Didn't care enough to bring one.

The city lights below blurred behind the gloom, and my footsteps echoed off the soaked pavement like a metronome. I wasn't angry. Just tired. Tired of hoping. Tired of pretending it didn't sting every time I came in second to someone who barely tried.

I stopped at the center of the bridge, then gripped the railing with wet hands and leaned forward, watching the river churn below.

Maybe love just isn't for me.

That's when I heard it. Just ahead, "Hey."

I looked up. And there she was.

Leaning against the railing stood a girl who looked about my age, but everything about her felt... off.

She wore a black top that was tucked under a pair of shorts that rode up way higher than they should've. Draped over her was an oversized maroon jacket — way too big for her frame, practically swallowing her whole.

Her black hair fell in a neat wolf cut, the bangs sweeping across her face to barely hide her right eye. The one I could see seemingly glowed a dull amber, soft yet completely indifferent... like she didn't care about me, herself, or anything else in the world.

"You gonna jump already? Or should I go first?"

I froze. Couldn't move a muscle.

"I'm... sorry?"

"Yeah. You know. Body. Over the edge. Splash. Close your eyes and never open them again."

"Wha— Y-you mean... suicide?!"

"Oh. You weren't? You looked just about as fed up with life as I was, so I figured you had the same idea. That not the case?"

"No! Not at all!"

"Oops. My bad."

She hunched forward, pulled a cigarette from her pocket, and stuck it between her lips. Then, with a flick of a lighter, she lit the tip and took a drag. The smoke curled around her as she exhaled slowly.

"So? What's your deal?" she asked, her voice low and flat. "Out walking on a gloomy day like this... I figured we were on the same page. Guess not."

"Ah... that... I was just— Wait, hold on! What do you mean by the same idea? What were you planning to do?"

"Jump."

"W-what...?"

She tilted her head, squinting at me like I was the slow one here.

"Is it that hard to understand? Like I said. Body. Over the edge. Splash. Close your eyes and—"

"Yeah, I got that part," I muttered, waving my hands. "I meant... why?"

That's when she turned away, her gaze drifting toward the water below.

"Why, huh...? Dunno. Just felt like a good day to call it quits."

I stared at her for a bit longer. Those were so flat — so bland — that I could actually believe that she was gonna attempt the impossible. That was why I had to ask...

"Are you... alright?"

"Why do you care? Cuz I'm a pretty girl standing alone at the edge of a bridge? What if I were a man? Would you still extend this level of worry?"

"What a stupid question. At the end of the day, a stranger is a stranger. But if I see a stranger trying to take their own life, then you bet your ass I'm gonna try and stop them."

She twitched to a halt, casting a sideways glance as if she were trying to uncover the true meaning behind my words.

"Some people wake up and decide to eat pancakes," she said out of the blue. "But me... I wake up and think, Wow, I really hate everything. Same concept."

"That is not the same concept at all..."

She took another puff, blowing smoke off to the side.

"Agree to disagree."

I stared at her, absolutely dumbfounded.

"You're being serious right now? You really were gonna jump?"

Again, she glared at me without any particular emotion, but that was enough to petrify me completely.

"You're kinda loud, you know that?"

"Oh, wow. I wonder why. Totally has nothing with you saying you'd jump off a bridge like it was a casual Thursday night activity."

"But... it's Sunday."

"That's not the point at all, and you know it."

A long silence followed, broken only by the faint hiss of her cigarette.

"Hey… You know what it's like to hit rock bottom?"

"Huh? What do you—"

She chuckled, pointing the cigarette at me.

"See? Loud again."

Another puff. Another second of silence. Then her expression softened—just a fraction. Barely enough to catch.

"If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't completely serious."

"You... weren't?"

"I mean, I didn't bring a towel. Who'd wanna jump into a river without a towel?"

"...That's your reason?"

"Self-care matters, idiot."

The girl tilted her head back, her eyes tracing the endless sprawl of gray above us. The clouds hung heavy, bloated with rain just waiting to pour, like even the sky was tired of pretending things were fine.

She took one last drag from her cigarette. Then inhaled slowly.

"Well," she said, flicking the half-burned stub over the railing. "Peace. Hope life treats you better than it did for me."

Before I could fully process the words, she was already climbing the railing.

My heart stopped.

"W-wha— Wait! Hey!"

Without thinking, I lunged forward, grabbing the back of her jacket and yanking her off the ledge. The momentum threw me off balance, and I fell flat on my back with a heavy thud — the air knocked clean out of my lungs.

As for the girl... she landed right on top of me.

Her hands rested on either side of my shoulders, legs straddling my waist as her maroon jacket fell over us like a curtain. Our faces were just inches apart — so close, I could count her lashes.

A clap of thunder shook the atmosphere, followed by droplets of water. Before long, the splatters overtook us, and we succumbed to heavy rainfall.

The girl blinked once. Then, slowly and casually, she blew the last bit of smoke into my face.

"Are you always this dramatic, or am I just lucky?"

I coughed.

"You...! Are you fucking crazy?! You were really gonna do it?!"

"Guess I was, but you ruined the moment. Now I have to rethink my whole schedule.”

"S-schedule?! What are you even talking about?!"

She sat back like this was all perfectly normal. "What? You think people just throw themselves off bridges without penciling it in first?"

"People don't throw themselves off bridges. Period."

"Oho, how blind you are to the cruelties of this world. You have a lot to learn, my new friend."

I covered my face with both hands.

"I think I'm gonna lose my mind."

"Great," she snickered, poking my nose. "After all, misery loves company."

The girl pushed herself up and looked away, then extended a hand down to me.

Reluctantly, I took it. She pulled me to my feet like nothing had just happened. No thanks. No comment. No acknowledgment of the fact that she nearly swan-dived off a bridge seconds ago.

Instead, she pulled out another cigarette. When she was about to flick her lighter, the realization hit her. It was now raining.

"Tch... What a waste." She tossed the unlit cigarette over the rail.

I exhaled and stepped closer.

"Hey... Where's your dorm?"

"Dorm?"

"Yeah. Y'know... the place you live?"

She puckered her lips thoughtfully.

"Oh? Trying to follow a lady home in the dead of night? You're a lot bolder than you look."

"W-what?! N-no! That's not— I just wanted to walk you back! Just in case you... tried something again..."

"Right. Classic line. That's what they all say when you're drunk at a bar. 'It's for your safety,' they say, and next thing you know, they're the real danger."

That sounded a bit too real.

Now that I'm thinking about it, that might be what's going on here. This girl — whoever she is — must've been through something extremely traumatic. That would certainly explain everything. The bridge. The attempt. The deflection.

"I… I'm sorry," I said softly. "I didn't know."

"Huh?" She mumbled, frowning sharply. "Wait... Are you thinking what I think you're thinking right now?"

"Eh?"

"Because if you are, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you."

"W-wait, what? What did I do?"

"For the record, no one has ever touched my body. Ever. And the ones who tried? Six feet under. Literally. So don't start drawing up weird, pitiful backstories in your head. Got it?"

"Y-yes, ma'am…"

"Good. And if you really need to know, I don't have a dorm."

"You… don't?"

"Nope."

"Then why are you even still on campus?"

"Campus?"

"Why do you keep repeating words like we're on some quiz show? We're literally standing on a college campus. Dorms. Students. Classes. Ring a bell?"

She looked around like she was noticing the buildings for the first time.

"College… huh. Damn. I really wandered far, didn't I?"

"…Wait. You're not a student here?"

"Nope. Never saw the appeal. You go in, pay a small fortune for a shiny piece of paper, then work yourself to death until you croak. Not really my vibe."

"Then… where do you live?"

"Still on that, huh?" she chuckled, narrowing her eyes playfully. "You're awfully curious about a stranger's housing situation."

"I told you, it's not like that! I just—!"

"Pfft…"

She let out a short, breathy laugh. The first real one.

"Honestly, despite being so goddamn loud… you're kinda fun to talk to."

I froze.

That smile — brief, genuine, and completely out of place — shook me more than anything she'd said before. No smirk. No sarcasm. Just a faint smile that reached her tired, amber eyes.

For the first time since I met her, she wasn't hiding behind a wall.

"Anyway," she said, turning back toward the bridge. "I don't have a home. Not anymore. I left it all behind... but it left me first. Was gonna finish the job, ya know? Of course, just like everything else, that didn't exactly go according to plan."

"Ah…"

"No need to worry. I'm over it. Even if it wasn't part of the plan, I'm still alive and kicking. But, thanks to you, now I need to figure out what I'm gonna do."

An intrusive thought made its way into my head. This is a dumb idea. This is so stupid, and yet, I keep thinking about it. At the same time, though... I can't leave her here.

"You said you didn't have a place to stay, right?"

Her eyes narrowed the moment those words left my mouth.

"And here I was starting to wonder when you'd say it. The same exact line that the last guy who approached me tried to pull off. It got old the first time. Why don't you try again, but with a bit more creativity? Maybe then, I'll consider it."

"...You're one weird chick, you know that?"

"Says you. You were about to offer to go back to your place, weren't you? And what were you planning to do once we got there, huh? 

"W-wha—?! Okay, okay. I know how it looks, and you're rightfully paranoid. If you want, I'll go on my way and forget all about this, but... I just need some kind of assurance that you won't jump the moment I turn my back."

"Tch... You're so fucking annoying. For a complete stranger, you're doing way too much."

"I'm just selfish. Realistically, I couldn't care less about you or your situation. But if you end up jumping, that's gonna stay with me for the rest of my life."

"And why should I care about your conscience?"

"You don't have to. That's why I'm making such a ridiculous offer knowing full well what it implies."

For a while, we just stared at each other. Under the rain with no cover, no words, and no one else around.

Then, the girl let out a faint chuckle.

"Sure, I'll go with you."

"...Huh?"

"You heard me. I said, I'll go with you. But I have to warn you... Even if I am a girl, offering something like that to a total stranger is dangerous. You don't know what I'm capable of."

"No, I don't. That's why I'm regretting even entertaining you for so long. If I had known this would happen—"

"Then what?" she butt in, her smile fading as she tilted her head. "Would you have let me jump?"

I froze.

Of course not. I could never let something like that happen. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But still… this was getting way out of hand.

"Having second thoughts, are you?" she scoffed, her voice a little softer now. "That's fine. You can go. Forget you ever met me. Certainly wouldn't be the first time someone's done that to me."

Despite the rain, I heard her loud and clear. Those words hit me square in the chest. They weren't sarcastic or flippant this time. Just… tired. And sad.

"If I did that… If I walk away right now… would you go back to the way you were?" I asked quietly. "Would you finish what you started?"

"Course I would," she said plainly. "Like I told you, I don't have a home anymore. Nothing left to go back to. No point sticking around if no one gives a damn."

My fists clenched at my sides.

To be honest... I understand. Maybe not to the same extent, but the feeling? Yeah. I get it.

Just moments ago, I was walking down this bridge alone, staring down into the dark, thinking about how Chiaki never saw me the same way I saw her. Not even once. After all the years of hoping, after every quiet little moment I thought might have meant something — she picked someone else.

It was like a chunk of me just… gave out.

Even if it was only for a second, I wondered if it'd be easier to just disappear. To forget it all. That's how it starts, isn't it?

The thought.

The option.

The escape.

It's selfish, I know. But sometimes, the pain just… sits in your chest like a lead weight.

Still, no matter how much it hurts, I couldn't bring myself to do it. And after talking to this girl, I couldn't let her go through with it, either.

So, I turned around and began walking.

"Well? You gonna keep standing there? Let's go."

"What?"

"You heard me. I said, Let's go."

She blinked. Then blinked again before letting out an air of disbelief.

"No fucking way. You're totally insane."

"I guess I am."

"Yeah? Well..." she mused, pushing off the railing and walking toward me. "That makes two of us."

She stopped in front of me, hands in her pockets, rain soaking through the sleeves of her hoodie. She stood with a casual slouch, maybe an inch or two below my chin. Her presence, though, felt way bigger.

"Megumi no Hana."

I froze, my eyes widening.

That name... It took a while for it to register in my head, but I know that name. Or rather, I don't really know. I just know of it because Chiaki would never shut up about the person behind that name.

And that person...

"Y-you—!"

The girl pushed a finger against my lips before glancing up at me with a very knowing smirk.

"Judging by your reaction, it looks like you really didn't know who I was. That gives me a bit of hope. Try not to blow my cover, hmm?"

I couldn't say anything. Even if I could, her finger was still over my lips.

"Ah, sorry," she said, retracting her finger. "I'll be your care, mister..."

I sighed and ran a hand through my wet hair, already regretting every single decision I'd made tonight.

"...Shohei Taka."