Just Get Through Today, Pt. 1

I stared blankly at the whiteboard in front of me, hoping — praying — that the numbers would start to make sense if I just looked at them long enough.

Spoiler: they didn't.

First class of the day, and it just had to be calculus. Nothing like throwing your already unstable mental state into a blender of integrals, limits, and Greek letters before 9 A.M.

But honestly, the real reason my brain wasn't working had nothing to do with the math. It was because I still couldn't believe what happened last night.

I met a girl.

Not in any normal way, like... I bumped into her and helped her pick up her books or something. No, I met her on a bridge, mid-jump, in the rain, with the full intention of ending her life. And somehow... somehow, I ended up dragging her back to my dorm.

And that girl... is Megumi no Hana. I only know that she is a well-known model who is roughly my age because that is the primary reason Chiaki was so enamored with her. She began her modeling career at a relatively young age, which only boosted her popularity among those in my generation.

Just a week ago, it was all over the news that Megumi no Hana went missing. And now, that very same person was at home. In my dorm. On my couch.

"God..."

I slouched lower into my chair and covered half my face with one hand.

"What the hell did I get myself into?"

My eyes drifted across the lecture hall — anything to avoid the board — and that's when I saw her.

Chiaki.

She was sitting a few rows over with her usual group of friends, laughing about something I couldn't hear. Her smile was bright, her laughter soft, her posture perfect like always. It was the same Chiaki I'd always known — kind, charming, way out of my league. Yet, I still thought I was enough.

Big mistake, I guess. And no matter how much I try to act like it doesn't hurt anymore, seeing her like that... still stung.

"Morning, Taka!"

Then came a slap to my back so hard I nearly fell out of my seat.

"Ow! What the— Koga!"

Nakano Koga, my tolerable idiot of a best friend, grinned down at me with the energy of someone who'd just downed three energy drinks.

"How the hell are you this chirpy so early in the morning?"

He plopped down in the seat beside me.

"I just had three energy drinks." 

"...Is that so...?"

"Yep! Anyway, you look like a corpse, dude. Don't tell me you were up all night crying about what Chiaki did to you."

"I wasn't. And it's not like she did anything to me."

"Wha... You're kidding me, right? She led you on for seven whole years just to tell you that she's seeing someone else. Only knew him for a month, no less..."

"Just let it go."

Actually, I wasn't kidding at all. What kept me up all night wasn't Chiaki this time.

Nope... It was something way worse.

I haven't told Koga about Megumi yet, and honestly, I should probably keep it that way. I don't even wanna imagine the Shakespearean play he'll act out once he finds out that a girl whom I just met is now living with me.

Koga leaned back in his chair, legs stretched obnoxiously far beneath the desk like he owned the place.

"So what's with you, huh? Your bags look way worse than they did yesterday. If Chiaki isn't the reason you were up all night, then what is it? You get jumped in your own dorm or something?"

"…Something like that."

"Hah. What, you finally left the window open and let all your sadness out?"

"Hmm. Something like that, too, I guess."

Koga gave me a curious side-eye but let it go with a shrug, like he was storing the question for later. Which, knowing him, he absolutely was.

"Anyway, you should try to distract yourself. Take your mind off of Chiaki somehow."

"Yeah? And how do I do that?"

"I don't know. You like photography, don't you? Always said how it helped you to calm down. Snap some pictures or something."

"I'm not sure if it'll help this time around."

"Who knows?"

There was a beat of silence as the noise in the lecture hall buzzed around us — shuffling papers, mindless chatter, the clicking of pens against desks. Then, out of the corner of my vision, I caught Koga glancing off to the side. His face hardened just a bit.

I didn't even need to look. I knew exactly who he was staring at.

"You know... she's got some nerve laughing like nothing happened. Just sitting there with her fake little smile, like she didn't rip your heart out and gift-wrapped it to you."

I let out a sigh.

"Weren't you the one who told me to take my mind off of her?"

"Yeah. Never said we had to start now, though."

"Koga—"

"I'm serious. The girl's got no shame. You spent how long crushing on her? And she just brushes you off like it was some joke?"

"Dude—"

"Like I get it, right? Feelings aren't always mutual. But leading you on like that? Giving you all that hope and then turning around like... like you're invisible? Nah. Screw that."

"Koga, quit it."

He finally looked at me again, his mouth half-open to argue, but I cut him off with another sigh.

"I appreciate you having my back, I really do... But talking shit about her behind her back isn't gonna help either of us. It's just not worth it."

Koga paused, his jaw tightening slightly before he gave a defeated grunt and flopped against his seat again.

"Yeah, yeah... I know. Just pisses me off."

"It's fine. It is what it is."

We sat in silence for a moment longer, both staring ahead at nothing in particular. For once, the numbers on the whiteboard didn't feel like the worst part of my morning.

Not by a long shot.

The class lasted for an hour and a half, which was how it went for most of my courses. I almost fell asleep maybe once or twice, but Koga kept elbowing me.

I always try to keep up with taking notes, but my attention span is way too small. After maybe twenty minutes, words become doodles, and I don't even realize it until the end of class. Today's no different.

Finally, the clock struck 9:20 A.M.

Koga and I both reached our arms up and yawned at the same time.

"That was only our first class," he muttered. "I wanna die."

"Same."

We packed up our journals and promptly left the classroom before everyone else could. After every class, we were only left with ten minutes to get to the next, which was enough but not a lot. Staying behind and waiting for people to leave was basically the same thing as getting stuck in traffic. Equally irritating, too.

Koga stopped at a nearby vending machine.

"You want anything?"

"Just a water bottle, please."

"You got it."

He put in some change and tapped the buttons for a water bottle, grabbing his can of soda along the way.

"Taka."

"Hmm? Ah..."

I turned to see Chiaki standing there with that smile, beautiful as ever. Her friends were waiting for her a couple of steps behind, whispering to each other.

"Hey, Chiaki," I said, though not with the same enthusiasm as I used to.

"Hello. U-um... I hope it's not too awkward between us. We're still friends, right?"

This is how it always goes. I'd ask her out, get rejected, and then she'd walk up to me the very next day, asking the same thing every single time.

"Yeah," I replied. "Of course, we are."

She perked up brightly.

"Really?! I mean... What a relief. Thank you, Taka."

"Yep. Anyway, I gotta go. My next class is pretty far from here."

"Oh. Okay then. See you later."

Koga and I went the other direction down a corridor. As soon as we turned a corner, I immediately stopped and pushed myself against the wall.

"And here I was thinking you were being serious," Koga scoffed.

"What are you talking about? I was being serious."

"I've known you for way longer than even Chiaki, my guy. The way you look at her... It's so obvious you're hurting, but you act like it's nothing. It ain't pleasant to watch."

"It's whatever. At the end of the day, I still consider her a friend. It's not like I kept up with our relationship for the sole purpose of going out with her. I'm not that petty."

"Still... It ain't healthy."

I stood back up and brushed my hands through my long hair, pulling out my hair tie. I readjusted it, tying it even tighter this time.

"It's okay. Let's just go."