Change

Yep, Meike was definitely going to kill me. As she approached, her glare was worse than usual—but certainly not as bad as the queen's. I sighed. But before I could say anything, she grabbed me by the collar, and dragged me into an empty room.

"Are you stupid, Dööskopp?" she snapped at me.

"Yes?"

"That's not the right answer!"

Wait, was she angry at me? She definitely seemed angry at me, and yet, I didn't understand what exactly she was mad at. Apparently not me, and yet...

"I've completely screwed up," I told her.

The words weren't easy, but it was good to speak them out loud. I had failed.

"Yes, but that's no reason to give up everything, is it now?" She shook her head. "Leo, I've put so much time and effort into you. Are you going to let that go to waste?"

"Huh?"

She glared at me once again.

"Who cares if you make a mistake here or there? That's not enough to give up! You're made countless errors before when we were practicing!"

"Uh..."

"So many of them!" She shook her head, as if she couldn't believe it. "And yet you continued onward."

Still, I wasn't sure if she was trying to cheer me up or tear me down. I was getting a lot of mixed messages here.

"We didn't practice so you could make some small blunder and give up," she hissed. "Imagine how sad Nela will be! I won't stand for this. She is important to me, and since you're important to her, I have to tolerate you."

"Again, do you like me or do you hate me? I feel like this isn't clear."

"Of course I like you, Dööskopp! Urgh, you don't get it." She shook her head. "You're almost as bad as Sören."

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You never see the full picture," she grumbled. "Isn't it a sign of strength to go on despite your mistakes? To learn from them, instead of withdrawing?"

"But I already screwed up," I pointed out to her. "Like, I fled the throne room. Are they even going to let me go in again?"

"I don't know," she hissed. "But are you going to try or not? Are you a coward?"

"I... Hope not?"

"Good." Apparently, that was all she needed to hear.

I looked down at myself. I was a mess. My hair was all tangled, and the splotches of the sauce were prominent on my sleeve and vest. Sure, I could go back, but it wouldn't feel good.

I sighed. Well, there was no way around that. I would just have to ignore it as best as I could. At least now I knew how much those stares could distract me.

"And don't forget to change, dummy."

Meike turned around, and produced a fresh set of clothes from who-knows-where.

"What...?"

I stared at her. How did she know I needed a change of clothes? But then I looked closer. The clothing wasn't quite the same as the one I wore now—the vest was missing, and the fabric itself was lighter, less restrictive. It felt more comfortable, more.... me.

"It's not the traditional clothes, but I doubt they mind now," Meike said. "You should wear something you like."

"But... why now?"

"Just because you said you were fine in your clothes doesn't mean you really were," she scoffed. "And I can't stand liars, even if it's meant to help Nela."

She glared at him. "I really hope you will tell me if you feel comfortable or not."

"I will," I said, still too confused to really take it all in. "Thanks, Meike."

"Don't mention it, Dööskopp."

She went over to the door, and glared at me once more. "If you make Nela cry, I'll kill you. I promise you that."

I nodded, and watched as she went through the door. For a moment, I caught a glimpse of Sören, before she slammed the door shut. I was alone.

And at that moment, I was filled with immense gratitude. Not only for her saving me—I really couldn't stand these clothes anymore—but also for the connections I made these last few months.

When I thought back to my old life (and really, there was no other way to describe it) I could see just how lonely I had been. I had rejected human contact, because it felt all too dangerous. What if someone saw my dad? Would they distance themselves from me? Would they pity me? What would they think about me?

But we were not the same person, my father and I. Here, in a world so different from mine, I could finally see that. He had made his choices. But I could make mine, different from him. He was a part of me, of my past, so much was clear. But that didn't mean I had to carry him and his mistakes around all the time.

I could struggle and make mistakes all of my own. Nothing about this engagement party had to do with him—even if it might feel like it. I had to own it, and put my best foot forwards.

"Let's get dressed," I muttered. "Meike really put in enough effort. I shouldn't let her wait too much."

And the same went for Nela. She was probably still in the throne room with her mother and the other nobles. I didn't want to worry her any further.

I took off my clothes, and finally took out the ring box. it was so small, and yet, when I opened it, the ring gleamed as if to welcome me. The little bug on it was made with such fine detail. You could even move the wings, to see the shiny abdomen fashioned from a dark pink jewel. I was sure she would love it.

I smiled. Right. This whole thing was under the pretext of proving myself to the queen—but what really mattered was not her, but Nela. I wanted to show Nela just how much she meant to me. I wanted to let everyone know that I loved her, and that I wanted to spend my life with her.

I carefully closed the box again, and put it in my new set of pants. The clothes were made from high-quality linen, breezy and comfortable. And so much closer to my usual clothes. I could move in them without problem, and I barely even noticed the clothes were there. It was just too bad I couldn't see myself in the mirror.

Wait, no, I thought. That's not what I should focus on. I need to get back after thanking Meike.

After all, it was thanks to her that I even got these clothes. I hadn't thought about changing at all. It showed me once more just how narrow my focus had been.

But now, I felt great. Not only with the clothes, but in general. There were people here who cared about me, even in their own, strange ways. I wasn't alone anymore.

I could do this. And with this newfound energy, I opened the door, ready to get back into the throne room.