No Doubt

Finally, I had my energy back. I felt good, and while I wasn't running back, I was walking faster than I thought I would be.

In my head, I was already pondering just how I would do this. Just go down on one knee and propose? No, that wasn't appropriate. Ask the queen for another chance, a do-over? Maybe. I should at least admit to my mistakes, and own them. But more importantly, I had to move forward.

But the closer I got to the throne room, the more this energy left me again. I could feel the doubts trying to worm their way back into my mind.

I'm stupid. Helpless. An idiot.

Why would she let me marry Nela after all that?

But I shoved those doubts down. They didn't help me. No, what I had to do right now was getting back in there, no matter how scared I was.

Nela knew the real me. That was all that mattered. If she didn't like me, fine. But screwing up during the party really shouldn't be the deciding factor in our relationship.

I took a deep breath. I was ready. I was going to-

"Stop right there."

Ulfret glared at me. During the party, he hadn't even looked at me, but now he regarded me with an icy glare.

"Ulfret?"

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"I'm going to go back in."

What was wrong with him? Why would he do this, when I finally gathered all that courage?

"And for what?"

"To finish this," I hissed.

Anger coiled inside of me. What was his deal? What was he trying to do?

"What does that even mean?" he scoffed. "Again, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to tell your sister that I love her!"

There. It was out.

He gave me a short, sharp nod.

"What do you love about her?"

"Everything."

"That's not an answer." He crossed his arms. "Is there not a single thing you can think of?"

"Of course there is." I took a deep breath.

Just what was his deal? I thought he would support me, or at least, just ignore me. Why was he making things so difficult?

"I love her smile. Not that smile she shows in public—that big, wide smile, with all of her teeth, when laughter bubbles out of her and she has to hold her sides. I love to listen to her talk about her bugs, and watch her watch those bugs, even if I don't understand it. I don't like it when she takes them out, though." I suppressed a shudder. "I like how diligent she works, even though she would rather sleep in. I love it when she rests, and naps, and even in her half-sleep talks to me. I love to game with her. I love to touch her. To kiss her."

With every new word, my face became hotter and hotter. It was embarrassing to talk about my love like this, especially since I had never spoken about Nela like this before.

"I love to watch her dance, and to listen to her sing in the bath. I love going around with her shopping, and watch as she discovers something new. I love how she absolutely cannot cook. I love how messy she is. I love how she has no concept of personal space when it comes to me, and stays close to me. I love her smell, of flowers and the ocean, of salt when she comes back from her work. I love how cool she is, protecting everyone."

I had to take a breather. There was still so much more about Nela that I loved—but it was getting difficult to find the right words for it. Ulfret still stood there, frozen in place.

"I love-"

"Alright." He cut me off, grimacing. "You do understand it's strange to hear that about your sister?"

"But you asked me to tell you!"

"Yes. And you have found the right words, ne?"

I shook my head in confusion. "What do you even mean?"

"Forget the speech," he said. "It's obvious that doesn't work. There is no intent from you behind it. To you, our hard work is just empty words."

That stung, even if it might be the truth.

"But I memorized it," I protested.

"And for what? What do you want to express with it?"

"I don't know? I thought this was just how I had to do this!"

"And usually, you do," Ulfret hissed. "But you're not usual. You're from another world, summoned by our princess, who for some reason loves you. And you love her back."

"You understand that, at least."

"Then show Mother that. Show her your love. She might understand. You might have failed in your show of our traditions, but it should also be clear that you're trying."

Ulfret narrowed his eyes. "Focus on the right thing, Leo. What is the most important to you?"

"Nela." There was no doubt about that.

"Then focus on her, and your love, ne." He clicked his tongue. "I can't believe I have to say that."

"You didn't have to say it," I grumbled. "I was going to do that anyways."

But I had to admit that speaking to Ulfret calmed the doubts inside of me, at least a little. He was right: I had to focus on the right thing. Not on pleasing the queen, but on my feelings. On Nela. She was the important thing here. Not my doubts. Not the queen. Not the party.

The ring box in my pocket was a gentle reminder of that. It didn't weigh heavy anymore, it was just there. I would find the right moment, and present it to Nela. There was no doubt about that anymore.

"And you know all the words you need," Ulfret said. "So, even if you stumble, even if you mix up the sentence structure, just go on. You can do it."

I nodded at him. "Thanks for the reminder."

Finally, Ulfret stepped to the side. "And don't forget your part of the deal," he finally said. "I want to learn more about your language after this."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Thanks."

It could only mean one thing: Ulfret was certain that I would be able to persuade the queen, and stay here.

"Don't mention it."

He brushed past me. Even though he could be harsh, and stand-offish, he cared. About me or Nela, or something else. Whatever it was, he was just as invested as the others. In the distance, I could see Sören and Meike approach. They would be there as well.

I turned around, and faced the door again. For a moment, I felt those doubts again, but this time, I could just let them go. I knew the language. I knew the words. And most importantly, I knew my feelings.

There was nothing that could stop me now. I put my hands on the stone doors, and pushed.