Midterms and Meltdowns

Jess had spent the past twenty-four hours trying not to think about what happened with Mark. She told herself it wasn’t a big deal. Nothing physical happened. Leanna had stepped in before things went too far. So why did she still feel so… sick? Every time she closed her eyes, she could feel Mark’s hand on her thigh, the weight of his arm around her shoulders. The way he leaned in too close, confident that she wouldn’t say no.

She felt small, and that terrified her. She wasn’t supposed to be small. She had been Jason Carter—unstoppable, confident, and always in control. Or at least, he made it look that way. Jason didn’t even know what that word small meant.

Now she felt like she could disappear in a crowd and no one would notice. She didn’t know how to deal with that. So, she buried it. She focused on anything else—anything to keep from thinking too hard about what she had lost. That was, until Monday morning, when she walked into the apartment kitchen and saw a stack of textbooks spread across the table.

Olivia looked at them, flipping through a notebook. “Midterms are coming up next week,” she said casually, not looking up. “You ready for it?”

Jess froze. Of course they are. As if falling apart wasn’t enough—now she had to prove she belonged in this life she never asked for. She had completely forgotten and now hearing the word midterm felt like a punch in the gut.

Her mind went blank. She hadn’t had to study for anything since high school—hell, maybe even before that. Her entire college experience had been about skating by on her athletic talent. She had never needed to study. She had never had to face the pressure of grades before.

Her chest tightened. She looked at the textbooks, the notes, the piles of assignments she had no idea how to tackle. The unfamiliar words and equations were like a wall in front of her. The weight of it all began to press down on her. How had she gotten this far without learning how to study?

Jess grabbed a chair, almost stumbling as she sat. Her heart was galloping, her breath tight like it couldn’t find a way out. A rising sense of panic gnawed at her. She wasn’t prepared for this. She had always relied on natural ability. She had never needed to be good at anything else. Now she was in a body that wasn’t hers, living a life that wasn’t hers, and nothing felt stable. This wasn’t supposed to be how it went.

Jess put her hands to her face, trying to breathe. Her thoughts collided with each other, a jumble of worries and regrets. She had to figure out how to study. She had to pass midterms. What if she couldn’t? What if she lost everything because she didn’t know how to do this?

Tears welled up, and her hands started to tremble. She couldn’t stop it anymore. The pressure cracked through. She had been holding it all in, trying to maintain control. But right now, sitting at that table, Jess couldn’t do it anymore. She felt so… lost.

The sob hit without warning, loud and jagged, like something tearing loose. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as the tears came in waves. She hated this. She hated herself for not being strong enough. For not being prepared. For letting things get this far out of control.

She didn’t cry pretty. She didn’t cry softly. She cried like she didn’t know who she was anymore.

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Leanna found her like that. She had walked in quietly, her presence almost silent, and stood for a moment, watching Jess break down without a word. She didn’t rush to comfort her at first. She simply let Jess cry, standing by the door, her arms crossed.

It wasn’t long before Jess wiped her eyes, but the tears wouldn’t stop. She sniffed, trying to regain some semblance of composure.

Leanna’s voice was calm, but it held an edge of concern. “Hey… hey, Jess.”

Jess didn’t look up. She felt like she might suffocate under the weight of her own emotions.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” Leanna said softly. “You’re not alone, okay?”

Jess shook her head, finally lifting her gaze. “I don’t know how to do any of this. I don’t know how to study. I don’t even know how I got here.”

Leanna knelt beside her, resting a hand gently on her shoulder. “No one expects you to know how to do this—not even me. But that doesn’t mean you have to pretend you’re fine. It’s okay to not have it all figured out. You’re going through a lot, and you’re doing your best. That’s all anyone can ask for.”

Jess sniffed, still trying to catch her breath. “I don’t know how to be me anymore.”

Leanna’s expression softened, and she gave Jess a slight, understanding smile. “It’s okay. You’ll find your way. You just need to take it one step at a time. You can do this.”

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The day passed slowly. Jess couldn’t focus. She barely ate, barely spoke. Her mind kept racing. By the time Kevin stopped by to check on her, she felt like she’d hit rock bottom. He didn’t ask what was wrong. He didn’t need to. Jess’s silence spoke louder than tears.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Kevin’s voice was warm, concerned.

Jess just shook her head, eyes filled with exhaustion.

He sat down beside her. “You’ve got midterms, right?”

Jess didn’t say anything, just nodded, too overwhelmed to form words.

Kevin sat quietly for a moment. “I know this is all hitting you at once. But you’re not going to fail. You have people who will help you.”

She bit her lip. “What if I can’t handle it?”

Kevin took a deep breath. “You’ve already handled so much. You’ve made it through worse, trust me. Midterms? Yeah, they’re tough, but you can get through them. Let me help. I’ll go over the material with you if you need it. You’ve got people now, Jess. You don’t have to be the whole team anymore.”

Jess hesitated, feeling small and exposed. But Kevin’s sincerity broke through her panic, and she finally nodded, her voice barely a whisper. “Okay… okay, I’ll try.”

Kevin smiled. “That’s all you need to do. Just try. You don’t have to be perfect, Jess. You’re doing better than you think.”

And for the first time all week, breathing didn’t feel like a lie. Jess felt like she might be able to breathe again.