The Cost of Control

The last thing Jess needed was another lie. Her mother’s visit had already cracked something open—something cold and old that made her skin itch whenever someone acted just a little too rehearsed. She didn’t trust the silence anymore. Especially not Leanna’s.

Jess sat on the edge of Leanna’s bed, her fingers twisting the fabric of her jeans. The apartment was quiet, save for the occasional clink of dishes from the kitchen where Olivia and Hannah were talking about the upcoming homecoming festivities. Jess hadn’t had the chance to talk to Leanna alone since the argument with her mom, and the weight of everything seemed to pull her in different directions.

She needed answers. She had reconciled with her mom, but the part of her life she had never understood—the night that had started all of this—still remained shrouded in mystery. Why her? Why had Leanna done this? There were so many unanswered questions swirling in her mind.

Leanna sat across from her, her legs crossed under a blanket, her eyes avoiding Jess’ gaze. It had been weeks since the change, and even though they had become closer, something in Leanna had remained distant. Jess had a feeling that today was the day Leanna would finally open up.

She didn’t want to be angry. Not yet. She just wanted the pieces to fit, to stop feeling like her entire life was someone else’s experiment.

Jess took a deep breath. "Leanna, I need to know the truth. I need to know why you did this to me. Why me? What happened?"

Leanna shifted uncomfortably, her fingers running through her hair as if trying to find the right words. She hesitated, eyes darting toward the window, and then back to Jess. "I… I should have told you sooner," she muttered. "But it wasn’t something I could just say."

Jess waited, her heart pounding in her chest. She had to know. The truth felt like the missing puzzle piece to everything that had happened.

Leanna’s gaze finally met hers, but there was a hesitation in her eyes—like a storm brewing just beneath the surface. "It was a mistake," she said quietly. "A huge mistake, but I was angry, and I was hurt. And it felt like I had no other choice."

Jess’s stomach sank. That word—mistake—felt too small to hold what had been done to her. She leaned forward, urging her to continue.

"What are you talking about?"

Leanna sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "It’s about you. Well, it’s about Jason. The person you were before." She winced at the name, her voice tight.

Jess blinked in confusion. "Jason? What does he have to do with this?"

Leanna let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. "He slept with me. Then, the next day, he didn’t even remember my name. He didn’t even care. It was just another conquest for him, just another woman he could use and forget."

Jess’s heart dropped, her mind reeling with the revelation. "You—"

Leanna cut her off. "I wanted him to feel it. I wanted him to understand what it felt like to be dismissed, used, and forgotten. So, I made a choice. I… I got a drink from someone at school, from a graduate student. He works in the genetics department. He gave me this… potion. It was supposed to change things, alter things on a DNA level."

There was something terrifying in how easily the words came out of Leanna’s mouth—like this wasn’t the first time she’d played god with someone else’s life. Jess stared at her, processing the words slowly.

"A potion?" she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.

Leanna nodded. "It was supposed to work like a virus. Something that could rewrite your DNA. I was desperate. I knew it was crazy, but after what happened between us, I just wanted some kind of cosmic karma for Jason. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be the one left behind—to not be in control anymore."

Jess felt like she had been struck. "You did this because of him?" Her voice cracked with disbelief, anger, and hurt. "You changed my entire life… because of him? For revenge?"

First her mother had welcomed her with a smile too smooth to be real. Now this. Jess wasn’t sure what scared her more—that people had changed her without asking, or that no one seemed surprised when it happened.

Leanna’s eyes were wide, filled with regret and shame. "I know it sounds insane. And it was. But at the time, I couldn’t see another way. I thought it would make him realize what he did. I didn’t know it would go this far. I didn’t know it would change you."

Jess struggled to find the right words. The anger bubbling inside her made her feel nauseous. She had spent so much time hating her own body, hating what had happened to her, and now it was all tied to a past version of herself—a version she didn’t even recognize anymore. But the thing that hit hardest was the realization that the change wasn’t some cosmic punishment for Jason. It was just Leanna’s twisted idea of justice.

"You ruined my life," Jess whispered. "You changed me. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want any of this."

Leanna’s face crumpled, tears welling up in her eyes. "I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I thought… I thought it would be different. I thought I could teach him a lesson, but instead, I hurt you. And I’m sorry. I really am."

Jess stood up, pacing the small room, her hands shaking at her sides. "I… I don’t know what to say. You didn’t just change my body, Leanna. You changed everything. I lost myself in all of this."

The worst part was she didn’t even know if that self—the real Jess, whoever she was—had ever existed at all.

Leanna stood up too, taking a step toward her. "Jess, I know I can never undo what I did. I can’t fix it. But I want to help you. I want to be here for you, if you’ll let me. I know I can’t take back the pain, but I want to help you find a way through this."

Jess stopped pacing, her heart still racing. For a moment, Jess wanted to scream. To say she never wanted to see Leanna again, and to make her feel the weight of what she’d done. But something in her had already fractured too many times this week. She didn’t have the strength for another clean break. Maybe this wasn’t about revenge anymore. Maybe this was about moving forward. Perhaps,this was an opportunity to find peace.

After a long silence, Jess turned to face Leanna, her voice quiet but firm. "You’ve got a lot to atone for, Leanna. But I… I’ll try. I’ll try to trust you again. But this isn’t just going to go away. Not anytime soon."

Leanna nodded, tears slipping down her face. "I understand. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. But I’ll spend every day trying to help you, Jess. I swear."

Jess sighed. The anger hadn’t vanished—it had just buried itself deeper. But alongside it, something else began to grow. Not forgiveness, not yet. But maybe the fragile beginning of understanding.