Lost Isn’t Just a Place

The night dragged on like a strange dream, and Jess felt like she was floating outside her own body, watching everything happen without being able to fully participate. It was like watching her own life through frosted glass—present, but unreachable.

Adam kept talking, trying to make jokes, but nothing seemed to land. His words were muffled, like they were coming from a distance. The laughter, the music, even the clink of silverware against plates—it all felt like background noise to a movie she wasn’t really in. She couldn’t focus on anything for long. Her mind kept wandering, back to thoughts of her old life, back to trying to come to terms with the changes.

She wasn’t supposed to be here. She wasn’t supposed to be on this date with someone who thought she was just some normal girl, with no idea who she really was. Everything about this felt wrong. But Adam didn’t seem to care. His smile was too wide, his compliments too eager. He leaned in closer to her as the conversation continued, and before Jess could react, his lips brushed against hers.

The kiss was soft at first, but as soon as she felt his breath on her, her body tensed. It was like her mind finally snapped back to reality, and everything that had been muffled came into sharp focus. She hadn’t asked for this. She didn’t want it.

Confusion and anger surged within her. What was he thinking? Did he think this was okay? She hadn’t even kissed anyone since everything had changed, let alone been in a situation like this where she was expected to be someone she wasn’t. Not just physically, but emotionally too.

Without thinking, Jess jerked back and slapped Adam across the face.

The sound echoed in the quiet space of the jazz club. Adam blinked, eyes wide in surprise. "What the hell?" he stammered, his face red, hand reaching for his cheek.

First Mark, now this. How many times did she have to prove that no didn’t mean maybe?

"I—I don’t know what you’re thinking," Jess said, standing up abruptly. "But I’m not doing this. I’m not this person."

Adam opened his mouth to protest, but Jess didn’t stick around to hear it. She spun on her heel and rushed out of the restaurant, her heart pounding in her chest. She didn’t stop to look back. She couldn’t. She had to get away from the overwhelming feeling of being trapped in someone else’s expectations. She didn’t just feel violated—she felt erased. Like she was living a version of herself that someone else had written, and everyone expected her to perform it without faltering

Outside, the cool night air hit her like a slap, but it didn’t help clear the haze in her mind. She found herself walking aimlessly, the streets unfamiliar and twisting as if she were suddenly lost in a foreign city. The buildings around her seemed to close in, their harsh, glaring lights only making her feel more exposed. She wasn’t sure where she was anymore, or how she had gotten so far away from the restaurant.

Her thoughts were a whirlwind. She was so tired of everything. Tired of the way people looked at her now, tired of trying to pretend to be something she wasn’t, tired of feeling like the world was shifting under her feet and she couldn’t catch up.

She pulled out her phone, her hands shaking as she dialed the only person she could think of who might understand.

"Leanna," Jess said, her voice tight with anxiety as the phone rang.

It took a few moments before Leanna picked up.

"Jess? What’s wrong?"

"I—I need help," Jess said quickly, her breath catching. "I got lost. I don’t know where I am… I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be." She wasn’t sure if it was meant for Leanna or herself

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Jess could hear Leanna’s voice soften. "Where are you? Just stay where you are. I’m coming to get you."

Jess looked around, trying to make sense of the streets. She didn’t recognize anything. She felt small and out of place. "I don’t know… there are no street signs… I don’t know where I am…"

"Just stay put. I’ll find you, okay? I’m coming right now. Just stay calm. I’m on my way."

It wasn’t only the street signs that were gone, so was the map of who she was supposed to be. Jess took a deep breath and leaned against the nearest building, her phone clutched tightly in her hand. For the first time all night, she felt like she wasn’t alone in the world. She felt a glimmer of hope that maybe—just maybe—things might start to make sense again.