Runaway Hero and the Companion

I can’t take my eyes off the cafe. I stand in the middle of the street, transfixed. There’s a warmth and a serenity to it, though I don’t know if it’s by its own merit or from my memories of it. When I first came here, I didn’t take note of the cafe at all. All I paid attention to was Amelia. In a far corner of the cafe, I see a figure covered in a white cloak. They’re slowly drinking tea as they read a novel. The novel is one I’ve come to know well. I take a step inside the cafe.

As I pull open the door and the bell rings, the figure moves their head slightly, though I still cannot make out their face. They put money on the table, place the novel in a bag, and begin to leave. They move quickly, their cloak flowing behind them. They pass by me, taking extra care to keep their face hidden. I whip around and call out to them, hoping that I might be right.

“Amelia!”

She speeds up, running from me even faster now. I run after her. I need to see her. That’s all I can hear inside of my heart. Amelia, after all the time she spent with me, facing death at my side, is extremely powerful. If I had followed after her any later, I’m sure I would have lost her in the crowds and the paths between buildings. However, I exit the cafe just fast enough to see which corner she turns. I run after the end of her cloak as it disappears behind a building.

Even limiting myself to a speed slow enough not to endanger anyone, I can catch up to her quickly. After a few minutes of chasing after her, I’ve caught up. I don’t think she’s realized I’m behind her. Even now that I’m close enough to reach out and grab her cloak, and pull her back to me. And as I think that, I begin to slow down. She makes more distance between us, and I let her, even as I continue chasing her back.

Isn’t this shameful? She’s running away from me. She’s fleeing from me. And I’m running towards her. I’m chasing her down. She saw me and ran without a second thought, and yet here I am, still running. Still running even though I should have abandoned everything I am. Still running even though I abandoned her. Of course she would run from me. All I can do here is hurt her more. But all I can think of is the roaring of my heart in my chest that I must see her now.

I keep running. I keep chasing after her. Even though it must hurt her. Even though that hurts me. She slows down as she turns the corner, and I reach her. My own cloak nearly envelops her. We were so close. She turns around but doesn’t meet my gaze.

“Amelia, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

She pushes me back. I let her. She quickly dashes into a narrow alley. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I still follow her.

“Please talk to me.”

I don’t know what’s come over me. Is it because I’m no longer the Hero? Is that why I’m acting so shamefully? I reach her again, and trap her against the wall of the alley. She spits her words out at me.

“Why bother letting me go if you were just going to pin me here anyway?”

At last I can see her face again. Her features are soft, her eyes large and rounded. Her hair has been cut shorter, as it had been when we first met, and scars now run across her fair skin. Even as she glares at me, I’m relieved to see her face again.

“I don’t know.” The disdain for me doesn’t leave her face, of course.

“Leave me alone. Don’t show your face to me ever again.” I’m not surprised.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care! An apology isn’t enough! You left me to die! You left me with the demons! I can’t believe I trusted you! I can’t believe I—” she stops herself from finishing the thought. I’m sure I’ll never be able to understand why. “I hate you! You’re not a Hero at all! Leave!”

She’s right. I’m no Hero. I’ve never been a Hero. I’ve never been anything more than a wretch who can destroy the world in a day and who does not care about anybody but himself. I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t protect even a single person in front of me. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t even save the person I care about the most. I turned my back on her. Like any common wretch would. Of course I can’t protect the world. Of course I’m the sort of man who would let millions die just because they’re out of sight. Of course I’ve never been a Hero. I’m no salvation of all.

“I’m sorry.”

“I told you I don’t care! Just leave!” I don’t know why I’m still talking. I don’t know why I’m laughing.

“Did you see that they even memorialized me? As though I really were a Hero.” She doesn’t respond. “If they’re already treating me like that, then I’d be better off dead.” She doesn’t laugh. Not out of scorn, not out of worry, not out of joy, not out of discomfort. She doesn’t react at all. “Sorry. I’ll disappear, and you’ll never see me again.”

I release her, and begin to leave. From the moment she began to run, I should have been preparing myself. But I never could have guessed how much it would hurt for her to hate me. Wretch that I am, I never even stopped to consider that she did. Even if she wanted nothing to do with me, I never would have fathomed her disdain. Even though it’s obvious she would hate me for what I did.

At this point I don’t care. I’ll pass through the gate. I’m not the Hero, so even if they try to force my hand, I can simply refuse them. I’ll keep running until I reach the edge of the world. But even with my new resolve, I pass through and the guard doesn’t care. The Hero truly is gone now. As I leave behind Ironheart, I hear her voice.

“Alan!”

I turn to look back. She truly is standing there. I don’t understand why she followed me. Is that what hatred is? I thought she never wanted to see me again? Is this her way of punishing me? I can tell that she’s speaking, I can see the movement in her lips, but I do not know what she’s saying. I never learned how to understand. I whisper back to her, not sure whether I want the wind to carry it to her or not, but knowing that I must say it, even if only to myself.

“You’re beautiful. I love you. Goodbye.”

I turn away, not wanting to know if she received my parting words or not, and leave.