Return: With a Heart Too Heavy to Hold | Into a Million Pieces I Wait to Explode

Tools were set on the ground in strategic order. Lights were dimmed. Incense smoke drifted through the halls and gathered around the souls that were congregated beside the flame. No one spoke, save for Shinji, the Shinto priest, who was murmuring chants as he lay leaves around Naoe’s futon and the space where Hazuki would lie next to her.

Prayers and offerings were uttered. Hazuki was purified, then offered a gentle pour to Naoe’s still lips. Water ran from her mouth without any friction. Her breathing was nearly gone. Sayane found a blanket and laid it over the spot where Hazuki said Naoe’s body was. An audible gasp came from Sayane’s mouth as she laid the blanket down, and it rested on the invisible mass where Naoe was resting before vanishing. Hazuki cleared his mind and then tied his hair back once more. Arthur found him sitting in the corner, tapping his foot nervously.

“Shinji is almost ready,” said Arthur.

Hazuki nodded.

“I wanted to thank you and Sayane. You have been more kind to me in these last few weeks than I could have possibly imagined,” said Hazuki.

Arthur stopped him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Life can be very cruel to us. It is up to every person to tend to those who cross their paths. We just did what we should. Now you are doing that for…”

“Naoe,”

“You’re doing this for Naoe. And maybe, we’ll all get to meet her one day,” said Arthur.

“Maybe so,” smiled Hazuki as Sayane entered.

“Hazuki, he’s ready,” she said as she took Arthur’s hand.

With that, Hazuki gripped his cane and limped forward to the fire’s warmth, where Naoe was waiting. Shinji and Matsumoto were standing beside the doorway when Hazuki entered. Light from the dancing flame caught in the gathered incense smoke, casting a yellow glow on the edges of the darkened objects within the room.

“Hazuki, please lie down,” said Shinji.

Matsumoto helped Hazuki to the floor. Hazuki’s hand found Naoe’s in the darkness. Matsumoto patted Hazuki’s shoulder.

“You’re a very brave young man, Hazuki,” Matsumoto said as he stood and stepped back.

Shinji knelt down and placed an ofuda on Hazuki’s chest, then placed another on the space where Naoe was. The ofuda did not vanish.

“Close your eyes,” whispered Shinji as he stood.

Before Hazuki followed the instruction and closed his eyes, he took one final look at Naoe beside him. She was nearly lifeless there in the flickering firelight. The modern clothes on her were entirely foreign and out of place. It felt like she was not meant to be there. A shudder of reality drifted over Hazuki as he wondered if Naoe wasn’t meant for this current world. Maybe her time had passed.

He closed his eyes. Darkness surrounded him, and he focused on the crackling of the fire and the scent of the incense. Breaths came slowly as he tried to focus. Bells chimed from Shinji’s wand in the distant void.

“Hazuki, I want you to imagine Naoe beside you. Imagine her in the fullest life force you have seen her. She is not in the state you saw her in when you closed your eyes. Remember who she was. You are going to help bring that version of her back,” said Shinji.

Visions of Naoe under her tree all those years ago danced in his mind like the fire’s light. Her laughing. Sitting in the sun, waiting for him. Standing alone as he walked away.

INEVERSHOULDHAVELEFTYOUI’MSORRY.

“Focus,” he told himself as the images continued burning in and out.

Naoe was there alone, waiting. She was crying.

I’MSORRY.I’MSOSORRY.

“Now, focus on how Naoe was when you just saw her. She is weak. She is fading. On the left side of your mind is healthy Naoe. On the right side is weak Naoe.”

Hazuki followed the request as well as he could. Naoe stood healthy on the left side of his mind, then lay balled up and dying on the right side. Roots reached up from the darkness and snarled around both versions of her.

“Now, imagine yourself in the middle between both versions,” said Shinji as another bell tolled.

Hazuki watched himself fall from the void and land in the middle between the two Naoes. Roots immediately exploded from the ground and began to wrap around him.

“Imagine yourself strong and healthy. Imagine yourself as pure energy, glowing bright in the void.”

White glowing energy consumed Hazuki and turned him into a glowing avatar. The roots retreated from him and returned to Naoe.

“No!” called out Hazuki as he grabbed the roots and stopped them from reaching her.

Hazuki braced his legs to hold back from the tug of the roots, but his weakened leg gave out. He tumbled forward but didn’t release the roots. In the real world, Hazuki let out a grunt.

“Hazuki, imagine yourself strong. Your leg is not hurt in your mind. Tell me what you see,” said Shinji.

Hazuki steadied himself in his mind.

“Roots are trying to dig into her. They drain her. I’ve seen them before. I’m stopping them from getting to her,” said Hazuki.

“You have to let the roots reach her. Even if they drain her, you will give more to her than they take,” said Shinji.

Hazuki hesitated, then let the roots return to the Naoes. She let out a grunt in pain as the roots burrowed into her skin. Even in the real world, Hazuki swore he heard Naoe whimper.

“Now, I want you to allow some of the roots to reach into you. Imagine the roots going into your energy. It is not happening in the real world. You are safe, but I need you to imagine this,” said Shinji.

Hazuki breathed in and focused on the task. In the dream world, his glowing body released its tension and opened its arms. Roots slowly drifted up from his waist like snakes stalking prey. They paused, then lunged and dug into his chest. The pain was more insurmountable than Hazuki could have imagined. A taste of rust flooded his mouth. A feeling of tearing pulled like knives from his eye sockets through his throat and down his chest. Suddenly, the entirety of his insides felt like hands grabbed hold of them and clawed until the very walls of his insides were stripped and raw. It was the most all-encompassing pain Hazuki had ever experienced.

In the real world, Hazuki couldn’t contain the excruciation. A scream came from his mouth without warning. Sayane shrieked in surprise. Matsumoto stepped forward to intervene, but Arthur stopped him.

“Holy shit it hurts, it hurts so bad,” coughed Hazuki while clenching his eyes shut.

EVERYTHINGHURTSSTRUHGNIHTYREVE

“Hazuki, you can do this,” said Arthur.

“Focus, Hazuki. Focus on your energy. The roots are draining Naoe, but you can feed them. You have to let them take some of your energy to pass to Naoe.”

Hazuki understood and accepted this was the way. Back in the dream world, Hazuki welcomed the roots, and several more dug into him. Pain doubled, and Hazuki’s energy exploded outward like a dying star. In the real world, he let out another pained cry. In the dream world, his screams echoed across infinity. If this was what Naoe felt, it was incredible that she could even stand. Pain found its way across every vein in Hazuki’s body as the ravenous roots dug in and began to drain his energy from the source and pass the glow down towards Naoe.

Hazuki watched the glow move from his body and to Naoe in a rhythmic pulse that mimicked his heartbeat, until it arrived to both Naoes.

“That is it, Hazuki. You are doing great. Now imagine that both versions of Naoe are being pulled closer together,” said Shinji.

In the dream world, Hazuki’s eyes burned until it felt as though the flame of his body was pouring from them. His hands wrapped around the roots and he pulled them to his chest with a roar. Then he pulled again. Resistance told him it was working. With each pull, Naoe was closer to him. Energy pinged from his body and down the roots to Naoe. When it reached her, it dissipated across her in a veiled glow until even the weakened version of her let out a heavy exhale. Each pulse covered her in a glow of sustenance, and after several moments, the color returned to her skin.

“That’s it, Hazuki. You are almost there!” called Shinji from the real world.

By now, Hazuki was drenched in sweat. His fingers clasped around Naoe’s for support as the pain tore through him once more.

“Naoe. Naoe, please come back to me! Come back!!” Naoe screamed out in the dream world.

In the real world, tears ran down both of their faces. Naoe let out a gasp of life, then began to cough. Everyone in the room heard.

“That’s it, Hazuki!!” cried out Sayane.

“You can do it! You’re almost there!” shouted Arthur.

“Hazuk,i you can do this!” cheered Matsumoto.

In the dream world, the pulses from Hazuki were gathering in intensity. Faster and faster they went until the glow from his body filled the entire root system and blanketed Naoe in their glow. Blackened blood ran from Hazuki’s mouth as he clinched his teeth in agony. The words from the real world reached him, and he knew he was almost spent.

Naoe flinched and gasped for air. She was back. Hazuki realized he had done it and let out a scream of release as the light from his body exploded across the void until everything went white. He jolted upright in the real world and swore he saw a rush of plum blossom petals drifting by as he choked for air and wiped his eyes. Everyone was silent and still. Even Shinji seemed shocked. Hazuki turned and figured out why.

Naoe was there beside him, awake and alive, weeping as she clutched her chest in processing shock. Tears ran down her face as consciousness washed over her, and she struggled to find herself in the unfamiliar location. Then she saw Hazuki.

“Hazuki? Hazuki, are you really here?” she whimpered as her tears returned.

Hazuki struggled up and nearly fell over in exhaustion as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m here, I’m here, Naoe. And you’re here. You’re back,” he said as he broke and wept.

Naoe’s hands held him without a word for what felt like another eternity. She was real. He was real. For a single instant, everything was safe in the world, and they were together again.