Resucitation and the Art of Not Dying While Awake

Naoe’s breath came shakily as she cried on Hazuki’s shoulder. Confusion and exhaustion overwhelmed her senses and the flood of tears that followed could not be stopped no matter how hard she tried. Warmth from Hazuki’s face told her that he was crying as well. Small fingers clung to cloth and pulled him close to confirm that he was real. Broad hands held her back and neck to ensure she didn’t disappear again.

“I tried. I tried to stay. I couldn’t make it this time,” Naoe whispered between cries.

“I know. I know. But we found each other,” replied Hazuki.

“I wanted to see you… one last time,” said Naoe in defeat.

“No, don’t say that, you’re here now. You’re safe. I’m going to take care of you,” Hazuki said without thinking of his wording.

It was too late. His words struck Naoe like a knife and she jolted back with a look of absolute terror and hopelessness.

“No no no no NO NO! Hazuki, no!! Why? Why did you do that?!” she screamed in shock.

Hazuki realized now what she was thinking and tried to grab her hands as she began to spiral.

“No, no, Naoe, no, it’s okay! It’s okay! I’m not the aeon! I didn’t take your burden! I’m not the caretaker! I’m still just me!” he said in a stern but gentle tone to try to calm her.

Their hands met once more and Hazuki placed her hand on his chest.

“I’m still just me. I would never do that to you without your permission.”

She looked at him in shocked confusion that slowly calmed and turned to understanding.

“I’m still the caretaker?” she asked.

Hazuki nodded.

“My permission?” she asked in reiteration.

“Your burden is still yours. I learned so much while you were gone. I met Emi. And I understand now. I understand that you’ve never wanted someone else to be the caretaker, so you’ve been carrying it alone all these generations. I know I’m this generation’s aeon. That’s why you screamed when you saw the roots coming for me in your dream world; you didn’t want me to become the aeon. So I wasn’t going to take it from you without your consent, even if it meant helping you.”

“My consent?” sniffled Naoe.

“I wanted you to have the choice and final say so to pass the burden to me. That way you could finally rest in peace.”

Naoe’s tears returned and her head drooped low as she buried her face in her hands.

“I’ve been so lonely. And in so much pain. It’s so painful. I’ve never wanted to curse someone else with that. Certainly not you! I… I…”

Naoe looked up with surprised eyes as though she finally understood something about her feelings towards Hazuki.

“...Above all, you. I could never condemn you to that, I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Hazuki’s jaw clenched but he tried to remain calm.

“But you’re wasting away. I saw the roots draining you. And the soil has all but failed in the park. You have to let me help you,” said Hazuki as his fingers gently lifted her chin so that they could look at one another again.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t,” was all she could say as they looked at one another.

Then, for the first time, Naoe seemed to fully register her new environment as the shock of resuscitation faded. The wooden walls and crackling fire drew her focus, then she saw her strange new clothes. Her fingers ran along the cotton fabric of her hoodie.

“You were freezing, and soaked. I had to change you. Your kimono is right there drying,” explained Hazuki.

“How am I here? There aren’t any petals,” asked Naoe.

Hazuki pointed to the small branch end that was resting in her lap.

“So any part of the tree works? Interesting,” whispered Naoe.

Floorboards creaked and reality fully returned. Naoe looked up and saw four strangers looking at her. Even Hazuki had partially forgotten they weren’t alone. Both of them looked at their audience in surprise at the clear views coming from them.

“Can… can you see me?” asked Naoe.

“Ohhhh, yes… Hi!” said Sayane.

Naoe waved slightly with a confused smile as her eyes met the priest, who she remembered from the time long ago.

“It’s an honor to meet you, my lady,” said the priest with a bow.

Arthur waved and Matsumoto bowed as well. Naoe waved a weak hand back to the four of them as Hazuki struggled to stand. He let out a strained grunt and Matsumoto was there to help him up. Then Sayane was there, offering her hand to Naoe, who was also struggling.

Once the two of them were steadied and introductions had been made, Naoe began to piece together the remaining details.

“This is… your old home?” she asked Hazuki, who nodded.

Details of material, lines of decoration, scents of wood, and smoke were all absorbed by Naoe as she looked around the quaint home in appreciation.

“Hazuki’s home,” she smiled her sad smile as she limped around.

A mirror caught her attention and she finally saw the scar that covered much of her body now. A small whimper of shock came from her throat as trembling fingers touched her damaged skin. Hazuki approached and gently touched her back, causing her to flinch away from him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I looked like this. I’m sorry, please don’t look at me,” she said in a shaky voice.

“Naoe, Naoe, please look at me,” Hazuki asked as he stood beside her.

She shook her head in shame and embarrassment.

“I wanted you to know, you were always the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. And seeing you now, you are only more beautiful. I’m sorry you were scarred. I think it’s from the typhoon, when your tree was damaged. Matsumoto tended to you as well as he could. But please do not feel embarrassed. I have never seen someone as beautiful as you,” said Hazuki in a steady, sincere voice.

Sayane’s hand rubbed Arthur’s back as they listened. 

"And that's a big compliment because Sayane's right there, and she is beautiful," joked Hazuki in an old attempt to make Naoe smile.

It worked partially. Naoe sniffled a small laugh. Matsumoto wiped his eyes. Shinji stood silently. Naoe exhaled after a moment, then slowly turned back to face Hazuki. Her face was full of embarrassment and defeat, but she still turned fully and let Hazuki see her once more. He smiled a sincere smile that eased some of her shame, and she slowly raised his hand to place it against her scarred cheek. His palm came to rest against her jaw and his thumb slid gently along her cheekbone. Neither of them spoke or looked away.

Finally, Naoe spoke.

“Thank you, Matsumoto, for all of your care. I felt the damage in my sleep. I think that was what almost ended me. I thought I was going to fade, but something kept me from the darkness. Knowing now that it was Hazuki and you, I am very grateful. Thank you very much,” said Naoe to Matsumoto as she bowed deeply.

Matsumoto tried to speak but his voice caught, and all he could do was bow in return.

Naoe turned to the priest.

“What is to happen to me? I feel more strength for now, but I know that cannot last,” she said.

Shinji nodded.

“I fear I do not fully know. Your burden is not like anything I am familiar with. I have told your companions that there is a forgotten shrine in Gifu that should be able to help you. Long have they served the trees and kodama. They might have answers. But you cannot wait too long. You will start fading again soon, and Hazuki’s blessing will only support you for so long…” Shinji said in warning.

Naoe nodded.

“Gifu. Is that close?” she asked.

“It’s a few hours from here to get into the mountains,” said Arthur.

Naoe and Hazuki both seemed slightly defeated. Hazuki realized he had not thought of the logistics for getting to Gifu until now.

“How are we to get there?” Naoe asked Hazuki.

Hazuki shrugged in hesitation.

“I can see what trains get near there. Then walk or find a rental for the remainder,” answered Hazuki as he tried to problem-solve in his mind.

Sayane cleared her throat and nudged Arthur, who immediately understood.

“Orrrrr, we can drive you…” said Arthur.

“We have a van. It’s roomy. I needed it for lugging around gear and promotional material,” explained Sayane.

Hazuki felt a small smile appear on his face without effort.

“You’d do that for us?” he asked.

“Of course,” answered Arthur.

“It is not every day a spirit girl appears out of thin air in your living room… So yeah we can help with that,” grinned Sayane.

Hazuki felt an overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude. Before he or Naoe could speak anymore, Arthur turned to Matsumoto and Shinji.

“Matsumoto, Kannushi, if possible, it would be helpful for you to join. Matsumoto, you are the expert on trees in Naoe’s park. You might need to speak to the state of that. Shinji, you will know where the shrine is and can tell the priest or spirits or whoever is there what you know and what you just did to help. Please join us,” he asked.

Matsumoto and Shinji both seemed surprised, but almost immediately agreed.

“Well, it’s settled then. We should leave tomorrow once the sun thaws everything off the roads,” said Arthur.

Sayane clapped.

“I’ll make sure we have snacks for the road!” she said with a smile.

Hazuki and Naoe looked at one another as Naoe’s fingers found his. The two of them stood silently as a small sense of hope permeated their thoughts like the warmth of the nearby fire, but deep down, both of them knew that this journey could be their last time together, or could end with no answers. Regardless, it was their only hope. At that moment, at least they had one more night together.

Soon, Matsumoto left, and then Arthur and Sayane left to take Shinji back to his home. Naoe and Hazuki were alone together, standing beside one another as the golden light from the fading fire lit them in a soft glow.