Hazuki's Secret and A Warm Memory of a Moment that Will Never Occur

Amid all the turmoil and foundational shifts of the last twelve hours, Hazuki forgot to take any dosage of medication before he fell asleep holding Naoe. To her surprise, Naoe felt herself drifting off to sleep as well, but it was different than her usual slumber in the dream realm. What was overtaking her was a very human feeling of exhaustion. Whatever dreams were set to come were actual dreams. Thus, she closed her eyes and prayed that she would open them again at least once more. Hazuki’s warm embrace gave her a glimmer of hope that her prayer would be heard.

Reality faded and the alluring welcome of rest pulled her into an unfamiliar state that was different from her slumber. Darkness consumed her and then lowered her into a realm of glittering light. Warmth flowed through her body much like the sensation of Hazuki’s energy within her. Nothing was visible within the glowing golden light that enveloped her. Familiar sounds and smells faded into her awareness. Wind drifted through trees, rustling leaves and branches. Birds chirped and flitted along their daily tasks. Grass crunched beneath her feet. Then her eyes opened.

All the world was pink and white. Naoe was in the park, but not. This park spanned out for infinity, with glowing crystalline trees shining pink and white from where she stood out to the horizon. Pink, red, and purple clouds glowed above her in a soft dusk hue as the hazy orange sun hung midway in the sky. Flecks of glittering crystal drifted in the air around the trees like petals caught in the wind. Even the grass was reddish pink. Up ahead, there was Hazuki.

“Hazuki!” Naoe called out as she moved towards him with renewed strength that did not feel true.

Faint echoes bounced her voice off the thousands of trees. Hazuki turned from admiring the fantastical world and saw Naoe. He let out a laugh and then limped towards her. They were both in the clothes they were wearing when they fell asleep. Once they reached one another, Naoe reached out for Hazuki’s hand. Their touch felt real.

“Is this a dream?” asked Hazuki.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like my slumber, but it’s certainly not reality,” answered Naoe as floating specks of crystal swayed around them and caught the evening sun.

Soft pink light rested on their faces as they smiled to one another.

“This looks like the park,” said Hazuki as he looked around once more.

“It’s beautiful,” agreed Naoe.

“I wonder if your tree is here?” Hazuki pondered.

The two of them scanned the never-ending grove to try and find their bearings until Naoe caught sight of a radiating beam of pinkish light shining up from a certain point in the near distance.

“There?” asked Naoe.

Hazuki shrugged and agreed. They set off towards the pulsing beam of light, hand in hand. Indeed, it was her tree. Rounding the path, the two of them came to see Naoe’s tree. Gone were the supports and screws. It was fully healthy and in total bloom. Thousands of crystal flowers shone out from its branches. Naoe let out a laugh of joy and embraced the tree like an old friend.

“You’re safe!” she whispered as she pressed her cheek to the translucent trunk.

Hazuki joined her and ran his fingers along a nearby branch. Feeling the bark felt like feeling a warm glass. Naoe continued to hug the tree. After a moment, Hazuki understood that she was saying farewell, just in case the following day’s events changed everything.

“You truly care for this tree, don’t you? After all this time, you’re not bitter towards it or anything,” said Hazuki.

Naoe nodded.

“I always loved this tree. Even before I became what I am. I remember always cherishing this tree. Through the years, it was the one constant. It was my home,” said Naoe as she rubbed the trunk in gratitude and sat at its base.

“And I don’t blame it for my situation. It feels as though the tree is as innocent in this as I am. I wish I knew more about how I became so connected to it. There’s no memory for me to recall, just a deep, almost instinctive bond,” said Naoe as she looked up at the glowing blossoms.

Hazuki joined her and they were once again sitting beneath its canopy of branches and blossoms, just like they had all those many times. Naoe let out a small sigh and rested her head on Hazuki’s shoulder.

“What about you? Why were you drawn to the grove here? In my understanding, only people with a deep attachment to my tree or to the grove can see me or become the aeon,” said Naoe in a curious tone.

Surprisingly, she felt Hazuki tense and heard him clear his throat. Naoe shifted to see his face. Something in his eyes was pensive and sad.

“I guess I’ve never really talked to anyone about it,” he said softly as he clenched his jaw and blinked a few times.

Naoe sensed hints of more tragedy in his voice.

“My mom was a Johatsu,” Hazuki stated.

Naoe shook her head at the unfamiliar term.

“‘Evaporated Person?’” she asked.

Hazuki nodded.

“It’s what we call people in Japan who just disappear one day. They run away from life. From work, from their families. All of it. They don’t kill themselves, they just vanish. My mom did that to us when I was a toddler. She never wanted me, or to be married. So I’ve heard.”

Hazuki’s gaze was unblinking. Rage was not present in his voice or eyes, only sadness and acceptance.

“That caused my dad to spiral into depression. And he worked for a black company. That’s what we call the companies that make people work like sixty-hour weeks, no vacation, anything. So he really fell off. He made it for a few years, living like a husk, never speaking, only drinking. Then, one day, he went into the forest by our old house and hung himself from a tree.”

Naoe gasped at the words that were spoken so matter-of-factly. Hazuki shook his head and chewed the back of his bottom lip as he thought on the long-repressed memories.

“I was the one who found him. His eyes were bloodshot and bulged by the time I got there. His skin was blue. I was five. After that, I couldn’t look at a single tree without seeing my dad hanging from its limbs. I would scream out in public if a park was too near. It was bad. That lasted for a year or so while I lived with my grandparents in their house. Then, one day, my grandmother took me to the agriculture park to see the plum trees.”

Tears were in both of their eyes now. Still, Hazuki looked ahead at nothing.

“I screamed in the car for an hour, almost passed out. I cried till I was exhausted. But my grandmother told me that it was okay. That the trees were safe and beautiful. That trees gave us life, wood for homes, clean air, and housed many friendly spirits. After some convincing, I eventually went into the park with her to see the blooms.”

“So, we did. We walked around the park for hours, looking at all the pink and white. It healed something in me. I wasn’t afraid of trees anymore. And when I was there, I remember now, I saw a beautiful girl in a pink kimono sitting under one of the trees and it felt so calm and safe.”

Naoe’s tears returned. Hazuki turned to her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t remember that for so long. And that I forgot that when I first bumped into you all those years ago. My mind was never really good after everything that happened. And it hasn’t been since. But I remember it all now. I did yesterday after the ritual. I have loved this tree and this park for most of my life. I have loved you,” said Hazuki as his eyes held hers in knowing acceptance.

Words were hard to find for either of them. Echoes of their voices danced in the wind. Naoe’s hand touched Hazuki’s face.

“I have loved you as well,” she whispered.

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you,” Hazuki finally admitted.

Now Naoe was no longer able to hold herself together. She shook her head in agreement.

“I never wanted this for you. Or for me. Please know I will always love you and wanted to keep you safe. Please go live a life that is full and happy, away from all of this. Please always remember me, but let your heart move on,” Naoe pleaded between tears.

Hazuki shook his head.

“I do not want a life without you. I am not Emi or any of the other aeons before who may have forgotten and forsaken you. There is no life beyond you where I move on in peace, knowing that you were cursed to fade into nothingness or worse,” he said softly.

“Hazuki!” Naoe begged.

“What would you have me do? Get a job? Pay bills till I'm old? Eat leftovers with barely any vacation or rest? I do not want that life. I have seen what so much of society is, and I want no part of it. But you, I want you,” he explained.

Naoe shook her head in frustration and sadness.

“My life is mine. My heart is mine to do what I wish. For the first time, I may have the ability to make a choice in what that means. Just like you. Please, let me try to help you however I may. I don’t know what that is, but if I can do anything to let you fade in peace, please allow me to do so. That is what I want. All my hurt and suffering will have been worth it for even one moment of knowing you are free. Then maybe I can finally rest, too.”

Naoe knew he was sincere. The weathered, broken young man beside her was as wounded and tired as she was. Life had been cruel to them both. And though she hated to admit it, sitting there watching him beneath the glowing flowers, she struggled to see him in a world beyond this. Much like her, he now truly felt like he was never meant to leave that grove.

“I would have loved to have known you in another life. Far from all of this. A simple life with you would have been heaven,” Naoe admitted.

Hazuki nodded.

“I am grateful for the time we did have, and for all of the joy you have brought me,” said Naoe as acceptance crept into her heart.

“As am I. You were the brightest part of my existence. I will cherish our days as long as my spirit exists,” agreed Hazuki.

Hazuki leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. Moments paused and time may have never continued if Naoe didn’t speak. But in her heart, she knew she had to.

Images of Hazuki flashed in her mind- him alone in crowded streets, silent on crowded trains, tired at a cramped cubicle beneath stale lighting, limping home in the dark. A pain in his heart spoke to the energy that now existed within her, and she knew that pain was true; Hazuki did not want to exist in a world without her.

It was not defeat. It wasn’t suicide. It was something else. To her surprise, it almost felt like tranquility. Then, a new image appeared in her mind. It was of her with him. They were different. He did not have a cane. She was not scarred. Streets were unfamiliar and far away, with signs in a language she didn’t know. Hazuki gently held a small child in his arms as he and Naoe walked along the yellow-lit street and admired the displays in windows.

Then, they were old. Now they were by the sea. Hazuki walked with his hands behind his back and Naoe sat on a blanket reading as the waves ebbed before her. Streaks of grey lined her hair. She was content. He was at peace. It was a good thought. It was enough.

“I love you,” Naoe whispered.

“I love you, too,” Hazuki replied.

That was it. Naoe released her fear and regret and let acceptance wash over her. A final tear ran down her cheek, and then she spoke with clear eyes.

“I will never let you become the aeon. I will never give that curse to you. No matter what it means for me,” she said in a steadfast tone.

Hazuki nodded in acceptance.

“But, if I am faced with some sort of punishment or damnation for breaking this burden, and there is a way for you to help stop that, even at the expense of your life, I will allow it. However, if it means putting another sort of curse on you, I will not allow it. I will never allow life to hurt you again,” said Naoe as she faced him and held his cheek.

Hazuki seemed relieved and smiled a tired smile.

“Deal,” he replied.