Sen’s Turn

Warning: Shows a bit of what it's like in grief, though it's quickly swapped to an outsider's perspective to counteract the intensity of the emotion. Reader caution is advised. 

The next five days, Bard went through the motions of moving, setting up camp, sleeping and repeat. He could barely focus on the direction they needed to move, hardly paying attention to the changing scenery. Sen and Kai hunted a few times to replenish stock, while he stayed at camp and curled up, resting early. Being awake was just too painful.

Elder Emotion’s words rang in his head a few times, but he ignored them. All he could think about was Life and Preparation. Just why had they gotten shaded? What was the purpose of the shades? And could they be stopped? Why hadn’t they tried to get to the catfolk sooner? And lastly, why hadn’t he gotten there sooner. If they hadn’t spent so much time at Paradise, or Watcher, would they have made it? If they hadn’t stopped by the humans, then they could have made it. But it was too late now. His black tokens, a constant reminder, and their silence was like death to his heart. It was so painful.

“Bard?” Sen asked as she came over. “There’s a city ahead. I assume we are going around it?” Bard nodded but didn’t look at her. “I know it hurts. When I imagine what it would be like to lose Defender… I can’t say I’d be much better than you are right now,” Sen said, and Bard barely cast his gaze over, seeing her holding her black tokens. The sight caused tears to flow, and he hastily looked away. “At the same time. Thanks for still moving. I watched my father loose mother, and he couldn’t move for a few years after he got his revenge. Grandpa had to take over for a while because of that. What I mean to say is… I hope I’m helping. Just keeping your feet moving, and dinner will be ready soon.”

Bard heard her move as he shifted to tend the fire. The cackling sounds were so familiar and calming. A normal part of travel. He closed his eyes, wanting to sleep.

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Sen poured some food and came over to Bard. She was worried about him, but she had seen how long it took for her father. She had faith that Bard would recover faster than that. After all, they still had his Father to see. She was grateful they had taken a different route. She wasn’t sure if they could have helped much if they had gone another way. Besides. They were without Defender’s token. If they hadn’t gone back, then it was likely that when they returned from getting the tokens, then there wouldn’t be anything left of the silver woods. Just knowing that her family was safe gave her comfort. And she knew it was selfish to think like this when the dryads from Life’s forest far outnumbered her own people, but she also held hope that some would survive and make it to the Catfolk and eventually to Sal Shefa.

As she sat down next to him, she noticed he was trying to fall asleep again.

“Bard. You need to eat before you sleep,” she coaxed. Bard stirred and looked over at her. She hid her tokens, keenly aware that he was sensitive to that for now. She shifted closer to him and spooned some of the soup. It wasn’t as good as his, but it was edible. She cooled it with a few puffs and then extended the spoon to him. He took it slowly, and she continued to feed him. When the bowl was empty, she let him sleep while she cleaned up.

She heard a whimper and looked behind her to see Kai watching Bard. Her smile faltered and she came over.

“It’s alright Kai. Bard will get through this. Just keep us moving. When he is better, the last thing he needs to worry about is the Pledge. I know dad and the others said we could be late, but I want to see if we can still get it done in time. I’m sure Bard is the same,” Sen said as she rubbed the large beast’s chin. He seemed to like it when she did that. She continued long after she heard him hum in delight. Eventually, she moved to scratch other areas while she finished unloading the packs. The fires were going strong, and she could always retrieve Bard’s tokens. They were louder if it came to that. She looked at his instruments and wondered how hard it would be to play those.

She recalled watching Bard as he moved and played. It was enchanting and helped her feel safe. Something about the music calmed her. It was different than the song he played in the silver woods or in other areas they had traveled. It seemed to pulse with life and held a few notes of satisfaction that she wondered how and why he had done that. She looked to Bard once again as she scratched where the ropes had been. Kai flattened, and she refocused her gaze at her sleeping friend. Though, he was quickly becoming much more than that.

Just a few more days and they would be at the next Elder. She hoped it would be one who could help him.

Sen climbed off Kai and noticed the fur all over her. They were heading into summer, so he was likely shedding his winter coat. At least, that’s what Bard would say. As she thought on it, she recalled Kai’s last shed and tried to think what Bard would do. She had an idea and rummaged through his things until she found a ridiculously large comb, or was it a brush. She shrugged and walked over to Kai, whose tail wagged excitedly as she came.

“What. Are you really happy to see this, Kai?” she teased. Kai nodded and Sen chuckled. “Okay, but let me know if it hurts. Okay?” she chuckled as she began to comb him. The hairs sometimes floated but most stuck to the brush. Sen worked in one area for a while and then paused. The brush was full, and she realized she didn’t have something to keep the hairs from blowing away in the wind. She half smiled and rushed back to their things. She quickly found some fabric to place the fur on, and another type to lay over it. She cringed a bit, knowing Bard would have teased her for her forgetfulness. She had somewhat watched him while they were with Healer and Perspective. He had made fabric and ropes from the furs. She could already tell that these furs would be best in fabric, so she would work on that first.

Her gaze was cast at sleeping Bard. How she wished he could be coherent enough to help, but this time it was her turn to help him out.

She continued to brush while shades began to appear. Their shifting bodies and eyes still bothered her a bit, but she was getting used to it now. She set the fires and had them grow, enjoying the warmth, but disliking the smoke. She watched the distant storm clouds that grew to the east. No doubt that place had storm shades. But the clouds didn’t seem to be chasing them. She let out a little prayer that the dryads would be safe, whispering to her tokens, hoping the elders near them would reach out and could hear her pleas.

Kai kept his head down low to avoid some of the smoke while Sen brushed. It got hard on his back, as the smoke was thick. Sen growled. How could three different fires all send smoke to them. It was infuriating. It’s like Kai’s mass just attracted the smoke.

“Why do you have to be such a smoke attractant!” Sen coughed. Kai whimpered before also coughing. Sen steadied herself on his back while he coughed. Eventually it subsided. She kept up her work until she couldn’t brush anymore. She needed sleep. Without Bard helping, it was entirely up to her to pack camp in the morning.

She stretched and then had Kai move closer to Bard in case anything happened in the night. She then put some blankets around him and then snuggled onto Kai’s fur.

Kai nuzzled her awake at some point in the night, and she got the fires roaring again before slipping to bed again. Bard had somehow moved onto Kai during that time, so Sen snuggled up next to him. Putting her hand on his in what she hoped was some form of comfort.

The suns rose without anything else happening in the night. Sen stretched, noting that Bard still slept. She cooked them some breakfast, finished the brushing, hiding her complaints about how sore those muscles were. Bard had his strengths, and these were not muscles she often used in training. While the food simmered, she ran through her drills, keeping herself in shape. After all that, Bard stirred and she fed him.

The morning mists were in the distance. It meant there was water nearby and their skins were getting low. Especially with Kai helping. He drank so much water. Sen groaned before packing their things and trying to arrange it like Bard would. She then helped him climb and settled for strapping him in. It was bothersome with how little he tried to ride. It was simpler to just strap him in and move. She moved some of his hairs to the side as Kai began to move, and then focused on their direction. The few stars of healer’s constellation were barely visible last night. They had appeared over the city silhouette. Bard had said they needed to follow them. But they also needed to go around the city. She wasn’t comfortable navigating them through one of those.

“Okay Kai. I’m trusting you to get us around. Let’s go,” she said. Kai headed east, and then moved north. Sen kept a tab on that. Something about the north was more attractive for passing by the city. She noted the sounds of the birds and insects in these woods, meaning the shades hadn’t taken over much. Occasionally they passed a fleeing deer. She looked back and watched the skies, making sure the storms weren’t coming towards them. She then took note of the breeze. Warm. Not humid. And coming from the southeast.

So much about their travels had taught her to pay attention to these things. She was grateful for Watcher’s instruction, and Steadfast’s diligence. Bard had seemed to take it for granted, but it was eye-opening to her. She looked back to see him with his eyes closed. Her mouth turned into a puckered frown as she looked at him. At least, he still ate, and he had some motive to stay alive. But it still hurt to watch him like this.

The trees grew in size and Sen heard the babbling of water. She was about to suggest they restock when she noticed Kai’s ears. They were flicking, and his head was moving to pick up the sounds. She stayed silent and observed. Shades? Humans? What danger was he hearing? The shadows moved and she noticed some eyes there. It wasn’t much, but enough for her to slowly grab a light stick while Kai moved. She reached for Bard’s tokens as well. Thankfully, he was asleep and didn’t stop her. She debated about returning them. He seemed so attached to them, looking at them when he was awake and guarding them while asleep. But he always seemed so pained by their sight. It seemed counterintuitive.

Sen sighed. She could think on that more later. They needed to get past that city and it’s inhabitants. She had Kai pass the river and then follow it for a while. Branches of water merged with this one as it flowed eastwards. Occasionally it cut through the landscape. The shades stayed across the water, and Sen preferred it that way. She checked their sunstones and felt a little relief that they were absorbing the sunlight. At least, she hoped they were. They weren’t on, and that’s what Bard had explained they did. Though he hadn’t seemed sure when she had asked.

Eventually the water grew into a small river and kept growing as more water fed into it. Kai eventually chose to cross back over, and Sen noted the city was behind them now. They continued on and Sen noted the height of the suns. It was the middle of the day. She was grateful Kai was so fast. Perhaps they would make it to the next elder by the end of the day. But she couldn’t tell. She had to rely on Kai and Bard’s vague instructions right now. Eventually they came to a large river that merged into the one they were following. Unfortunately, it stood in their way. Sen gritted her teeth as she looked at the muddy water. She had no idea how deep it was, and since Kai wasn’t eager to swim, it must mean she needed to shift things.

She unstrapped Bard and got him up by her. He looked out at the river and sighed.

“We need to cross. Move the stuff, so Kai can swim,” he said slowly. Sen nodded and began to shift things around. She tried to recall the last river crossing. The lake crossing had been more spontaneous, so that didn’t count. She looked at the instruments and placed them near Bard. She then moved the things she figured couldn’t get wet nearby, and then shifted the rest. She looked over it and then urged Kai forwards as she climbed up. He wagged his tail, and she took it as a compliment. Kai moved into the river and the water quickly rose. He fought against the current and swam to the other side. Sen held Bard, making sure he didn’t fall in. Kai’s feet hit ground, and he climbed out of the water and waded the rest of the way to shore. Sen noted how high the water had gotten and was grateful he hadn’t jumped in immediately.

“So smart Kai. Thank you,” Sen chimed as she patted his neck. Kai whimpered, and she realized he wanted to get the water off. She hastily climbed down and unloaded him. After getting Bard off, she looked at Kai’s face.

“Just shake somewhere else. I don’t want to get wet,” She said. Kai quickly left, and she watched while he shook vigorously. She turned her head, catching noises and other sounds. Nothing came after them, and Kai returned, a lot drier. Sen reloaded and had Bard sit up by her. The suns were already on their way to setting, so she wanted to give him some comfort for this last leg. As she came up behind him, Bard sunk. She could barely look over his shoulder as she hugged him and urged Kai forwards.

Kai took off, heading a bit more speedily than before. Had he been too hot? He seemed so much more eager now. Sen noted the change in trees as they traveled. It was so different than her woods. Despite the approaching summer, there were still stands of snow and the air was still chill, but not cold. The growth here was slow and frankly behind what she would have suspected. Still, the trees were starting their buds and the greenery was much appreciated.

They made camp before the suns could set. Bard looked out at the woods while she made the fires. The wood here was wet and so it smoked for a while. She was grateful they had firesticks as the heat helped, but they were running low. Perhaps she could get Bard to make some. He needed something to do with his hands. But perhaps he would shrug it off. It frankly was hard to figure out how to help him. He did seem a bit better after riding together, but she recalled his warnings in the village. Would he even like her comfort?

She looked through their supplies and began working on the fur again. The food could wait a bit while she organized herself. Eventually the suns began to set, and she grabbed some water from the river before the light of day was completely gone. She noted the presence of shades. It bothered her that she was growing accustomed to them. Especially after seeing how they could take out a forest and the animals and people in it. She took confident strides to put her mind at ease as she returned and began to prepare their food. Once Kai was completely unloaded, he stretched and went to the river to drink. Sen was grateful this section wasn’t muddy like the crossing. It amazed her how the river changed as they followed it.

Sen quietly began to ponder through the process of making fabric from the fur. She recalled Bard had done so while she worked with Healer, but she couldn’t recall the details. Perhaps she should ask Bard so it was done right.

She looked over at his despondent look and bit her lip. How long would he remain like this?

She shook herself and walked over.

“Bard? I’ve collected Kai’s fur. He seems to be shedding. You said you make fabric from it. Can you teach me?” she asked, hopeful. Bard looked at her and then behind where the fur lay.

“Oh. Sure,” he said slowly. He began to rise to his feet, and Sen smiled.

“Thanks,” she said, glad to see him moving. He walked over and sat next to the fur, quietly shuffling it around.

“This looks good for felt. Have you soaked it yet?” he asked. Sen shook her head. He should have noticed it was still dry, so why ask.

“How do I soak it and what comes next?” she asked. Bard gave her a list of things to do and then sighed, looking worn out.

“Thanks, Bard. Go rest. I’ll take care of it,” she said. Bard seemed to want to say something, but instead he closed up again. Sen was just relieved she had seen a dim spark of himself in there. She had asked her grandfather what it was like to be so sad. And he seemed to equate it to an injured animal. One that you had to take care of and show compassion but also had to push it to start moving again after taking care of it. She wasn’t sure how well she was doing, but she hoped he would heal.

The next day came and after being on the road for half a day, they made it to a forest that seemed more alive and without shades. Sen breathed in relief. It had become so common place to see them, that she had nearly forgotten what it was like without their eyes on them, slinking in the shade of the forest.

“Bard. I think we’re in a forest with an Elder. Is this the one we need to go to?” she asked, turning around to look at him. Bard’s eyes were closed, but since he was sitting up and his chin was raised, it seemed to her that he was listening. She paused to listen as well and caught a slight sound of a song. It sounded different than the silver woods, but she couldn’t follow it as it cut off at times. Bard was fascinating that way.