Chapter 2 - Echoes in Silence

2 weeks later, I was on my way home and still couldn't really believe how much my life had changed in such a short time. I had moved to Setagaya, started studying at Shinsei and got to know the city. I probably already knew every coffee shop and convenience store by heart, as often as I had visited them in the last few days. There was something special about sitting in a coffee shop and reading literature and yet there was nothing better than being at home.

That's what I thought as I walked down the corner street and the number 8 building came into view. I hadn't really had a chance to look at it the day I arrived, after all I'd had my hands full trying to get out of the rain and protect my belongings from drowning.

The building was quite strange when you compared it to the others in the street. Most of the buildings were no more than two storeys high, often white and appeared either very old or very new. Not building 8, however.

I couldn't really tell how old it was, sometimes it looked modern, sometimes older than all the other buildings, almost as if it didn't want to reveal its true age. The dirty gray facade, which sometimes even appeared yellowish, the dark balconies and often closed windows seemed so distant and eerie, quite different from the inside, the apartment I lived in, which was overflowing with brightness inside.

The closer I got to the building, the more I yawned.

My body felt that I was finally at peace. University was fun, I was learning a lot, even at the beginning, and yet tiredness overcame me, knowing that I still had a lot to do.

“Excuse me, young lady?”

I listened as I saw the older lady in front of me. Had she just said something? I took off my headphones and put them in my trouser pocket.

“Yes?”

She looked at me kindly. Her round face was full of wrinkles and her sunken eyes were dark, but they radiated such warmth that I couldn't help but smile.

“Could you perhaps help me carry the bags upstairs? It's not that easy in my old age.”

I nodded and grabbed the two bags she had just put down and slowly walked into the house with her.

“Of course, I'm happy to do that. You live here too? I'm Aoyama Rina, I moved in here just two weeks ago, room 108.”

I babbled off and bowed slightly, as far as I could with the bags in my hands. I wasn't normally so talkative with strangers, but this old lady seemed so warm and had such a positive aura that I couldn't help myself.

“Thank you very much, I am very pleased Aoyama-san. My name is Kuroda Tae, I live in apartment 110, almost next door to you.”

She smiled again in a friendly manner as we slowly climbed the stairs together. She looked at me and carefully held on to me to stabilize her own walk. She seemed to live alone, didn't she? Otherwise, there would have been someone to help her.

“I hope you like it here, Aoyama-san. The building is really nice, isn't it?”

“Oh yes.”

I nodded, beaming with joy.

“I couldn't have wished for a better home. I came to Setagaya to study and the apartment is just perfect. I still can't believe how lucky I was to find such a great new home.”

“Yes, I agree with you. Luck really is with us here. As long as you give the building what it demands of course...”

“What it demands?”

I looked down at Kuroda-san. What did she mean by that? Her face was graced with a smile.

“Giving the building what it asks for? What do you mean by that?”

“Oh...oh, nothing at all. That's just an old woman talking. The building is just very good to all of us, as long as we're good to the building.”

Somehow that sentence made me shudder. What did she mean by that? A building could neither give nor take anything and certainly not demand anything.

“I...I understand.” I said a little unsettled and put on a smile when we finally reached the first floor and walked out of the stairwell into the corridor.

“S...So this is where we are, 110 right?”

“Yes exactly”

She unlocked her apartment and took the bags back. A quick look inside the apartment was enough to see that her apartment was similar in size to mine, apparently even in the same style.

Were all the rooms laid out in the same way?

“Thank you Aoyama-san for the great help. You're a nice girl.”

I smiled back at her and bowed slightly. My father had always taught me to be especially polite to older people and she also seemed friendly, if a little strange.

I definitely preferred her to the creepy guy from the balcony, who I hadn't seen since the day I moved in, even though I felt like his curtains were always moving as soon as I left the building, I felt like I was being watched, but as long as he left me alone and didn't get too close, I guess everything was fine.

As we said our goodbyes and I waited for her to close the door, I sighed slightly and turned around, only to freeze.

Someone was standing just down the corridor and even though I had to look several times, I was sure it was the man from the balcony.

He was staring straight at me.

How long had he been standing there?

Had he been waiting for me or had he just been watching me helping the old woman?

I looked at him for a few seconds before I hurried to my own apartment door and unlocked it.

Footsteps could be heard and they were getting closer.

Where was the damn key? I rummaged around in my bag

Where could it be?

THERE! I put the key in the lock and turned it, pulled on the door and -

“Hey you”

I froze like a pillar of salt.

Why didn't I just go into my apartment without saying a word? Yes, that's exactly what I should do.

Three...two...one. Nothing.

My legs just wouldn't do what I told them to.

Slowly, I looked up at the side of me and looked into the man's face. Now that he was so close to me, he seemed...

Somehow nicer.

He still seemed more than unkempt and not exactly like someone sociable. The unkempt beard covered most of his face, while his eyes radiated a certain friendliness that I wouldn't have thought him capable of. But there was also something else. His eyes were so dark, despite their bluish color, that they made me tremble

“You're the new girl, right? Narisawa Shinji, my name, apartment 104. I've been meaning to speak to you these days, but you were always gone before I could intercept you.”

Intercept? Had he just said intercept?

I looked at him in disbelief. My breath caught in my throat for a few seconds.

Why I was still standing here, I couldn't answer myself.

“Hey, are you okay? You look like I'd wanna eat you.”

He gently flicked my forehead and my fear gave way to confusion.

“I just wanted to welcome you here and give you this, it's just a tradition around this building.”

He held out his hand to me and in it was a small packet with a cream puff inside.

Now I was completely confused and looked back and forth between him and the cream puff. It looked like Totoro from the movie and I had heard that there was a bakery in Setagaya that was famous for them.

I slowly took the small package and bowed slightly.

“I...I. Thank you very much.”

I said briefly and then looked at him, gathering my courage.

“I'm sorry, it all felt a bit scary.” I said and somehow it sounded absolutely stupid. Had I really done him such an injustice?

“My name is Aoyama Rina” I said quickly so as not to create an even more awkward pause and bowed again.

“heh” he grinned at me and waved me off, only to cross his arms and lean against the wall.

“So, what brings you here?”

“I came here to study at Shinsei University.”

"Shinsei? Well, who would have guessed. I studied there myself, but that was some time ago.”

A coincidence, wasn't it? After all, Shinsei wasn't exactly small and wasn't too far away, so it was obvious that you would meet people who had studied there.

“Really? What did you study? Well..., if you want to tell me.”

“Oh, I'm a writer. I studied creative writing and folklore back then, and it was the best choice of my life. Nice professors, best parties and friends for life.”

“That sounds really exciting, I'm studying sociology and folklore.”

We talked for a while longer, while he told me what the university was like back then and how much had changed over the years.

I mainly talked about how overwhelming everything was and how you could always find something new, whether on campus or in Setagaya itself.

Our conversation only ended when his cell phone rang and he disappeared down the corridor to his apartment, but not without giving me a few words of advice.

“I have to go then. Welcome again and one more think, yes?  Sometimes I think this place doesn’t want you to leave until it knows everything about you, so be good to the place and open up to it.”

I glanced after him briefly as he disappeared behind his own door before I entered my apartment.

How wrong you can be about people. He was creepy and even now I still felt strange thinking about him, after all, he had been watching me, again and again. But if it had really just been to say hello, I guess everything was okay.

I threw my bag on the sofa and myself right next to it and yawned profusely.

I dug out my cell phone and started checking my messages.

Of course, there were countless messages in our study group on Line, something we had set up quite quickly to communicate with each other and simply clarify open questions.

But the group was mostly used to arrange to meet up for coffee or a party.

What snapped me back to a bitter reality was the date, or worse, a notification in the calendar.

“The birthday...oh yes.” I mumbled to myself and sat up.

In two days, April 20th, was her birthday.

I wondered if she would have the big party that had been planned for so long. She was turning 20, which was a good reason to celebrate.

All the joy I had accumulated over the last few days evaporated and scattered like fine snow in the wind. So much had been going on over the last few days that I hadn't thought about her, about the argument.

Should I call her?

My fingers were already moving gently over the smooth surface of the screen, tapping on her name.

The cell phone rang again. A message.

“Hi guys, do any of you happen to have Prof. Kajiwara's transcripts? Unfortunately, I've been ill for the last few days. Anyone? Pretty pleaaaase”

I read through the message and sighed as I took my notebook out of my bag and opened my own transcripts without further ado.

“Hello, here are the transcripts. best wishes Aoyama Rina”

I attached the document and pressed send before putting the phone away.

Maybe it was better not to call, she probably wouldn't want to talk to me anyway and yet these thoughts were now back in my head and memories were digging their way up. It felt like balancing on a thin rope, cheerful, even happy because you could keep your balance, only to lose this supposedly secure hold and fall down.

I threw the blanket I had lying on the sofa over me and buried my face under it…

- - -

Turururururu .... Tururururu ....

I'd been trying all day. The phone rang and nothing happened.

No one picked up, nor did the answering machine pick up, something that had never happened with Hina.

It almost felt like she wanted to see me so little that her cell phone decided itself not to let my calls through.

With each new call, I must have been on my fiftieth desperate attempt, my chest felt heavier. It was as if something was pressing against it, trying to crush me, and I made it easier and easier for that something the more I tried.

Today was her twentieth birthday and we were best -

The line cut out, had she hung up?

I called again.

“The requested party is currently unavailable.”

Had she turned off her cell phone?

I tried again... and again... and again.

I was getting angry.

“DAMN” I cried out as tears streamed down my face and I threw the phone to the floor, only to hug my pillow to me and cry bitterly.

I hadn't given this day a second thought and despite the argument, despite the way we had broken up, I had never thought it possible to be banished from her life so quickly, so easily.

It broke me, it hurt so much that I didn't know how I was going to survive the rest of the day. Anyone who has ever been heartbroken knows what it feels like, because our friendship was not far from being described as love, even if we never had romantic feelings for each other.

Still, it hurt just as much as if the love of my life had just dumped me, for good.

It also didn't help that the apartment was so incredibly quiet. Initially, this had been an absolute plus, but right now I could have killed for the noise of the street, the dripping of a tap or the shouting of arguing neighbors, anything but this silence that was eating it´s way into me.

Silence.

Pain.

Loneliness.

I looked up and looked around the apartment. The tears running down my cheek dripped onto my blanket as I peeked out the window onto the balcony.

It was raining.

How could I not have heard that? The raindrops were pattering against the glass and, from the looks of it, they hadn't just started.

I slowly got to my bare feet and walked carefully to the balcony door and opened it, stepping out to sit on the plastic chair that had been there when I moved in, like so much of the furniture. The cold floor made me shiver.

As soon as I sat there, I heard the rain, the sound of cars in the distance and smelled the wind.

I wiped the tears from my face and closed my eyes for a few moments... and there it was again.

I felt so tired again, like I was about to fall asleep, a feeling that was normally impossible to describe.It was like that second, just before you fell into a deep slumber, a moment you normally forgot. Isn't that right? You never can tell when you fell asleep exactly.

It felt like falling.

Falling and yet staying upright.

Losing the ground under your feet and yet remaining stable.

I slowly stroked my arms, making twisting movements as if I wanted to tie a ribbon around myself. When I reached my shoulders, I briefly looked up at the sky and breathed gently before stroking my clothes along my breasts, down to my stomach and finally to my hips.

“H...” I wanted to say something, a name...

I looked down at myself, still feeling the soft, soothing sensation of my own fingers on my skin.

My breathing had calmed down, my thoughts were clearer.

Why had I cried before? Had I been crying?

I could feel my eyes burning, feel the dried tears, but why had I cried?

The name... yes I had wanted to say a name, which one?

I looked at my cell phone, saw the date, the calendar? Strange.

Today wasn't a special day.

Yet I had this strange feeling, this feeling like on my first day.

Something inside me that had been pulled out, gently and with sensitivity, wrapped up...locked away.

I remembered the old woman's words, what was her name again? Kuroda-san, exactly.

What had she said?

“The building is just very good to all of us, as long as we are good to the building.”

....

"Luck is truly with us here. As long as you give the building what it asks for..."

I looked down at my hands. I was shivering slightly, but that was probably because I was dressed in a crop top and thin sweatpants and it wasn't exactly warm, yet I stayed seated and tightened my legs, wrapping them with my arms and lowering my head to my knees, watching the rain slowly fall to the ground.

Something was going on in this apartment. In this house.

Maybe I should ask Kuroda-san what exactly she had meant by her words.

But one thing was clear, it was good the way it was. Whatever had made me cry was gone. I felt good, happy.

I smiled gently and hummed a song to myself.

The rain pattered down and I bobbed my head to the melody.

I felt free. Free from worries. Free from memories that hurt me.

I wonder what had made me cry....

- - -

I had spent the entire Sunday on the balcony, listening to an audio book and enjoying the peace and quiet I felt. I had even fallen asleep wrapped up in a blanket and only woke up when night had already fallen.

I went inside and closed the balcony door behind me. Hopefully I wouldn't catch a cold after sitting outside for so long.

I was tired, despite my nap, I felt like I'd been awake for hours. Should I go to bed? Probably yes.

I went to the kitchen to make myself some tea first. I still had to write my diary entry.

And that's when I saw it.

A sheet of paper, folded to perfection. Someone must have slipped it under the door, but who?

I slowly approached the door and peeked through the peephole. There was no one there.

I unfolded it.

The silence of the apartment crushed me when I saw what was written on it, but much worse was something else. It was my own handwriting…

Diary entry {02}

Dear diary,

Everything is spinning and I don't know what's going on. I feel really good here in Setagaya.

Shinsei University is exactly what I always imagined it would be. The professors are incredibly nice and know so much that it's scary how a person can accumulate so much knowledge in a lifetime without losing their mind.

But there is something else that confuses me a lot. Something happened today. I don't know what, but I cried a lot and... nothing more.

I completely forgot why, I just felt better and forgot why I was sad in the first place. Almost like the last time I moved in, but somehow...stronger.

I spent the whole day on the balcony and just felt comfortable and safe.

But now I'm scared.

Someone slipped a note under my door... but the handwriting is my own. How can that be? I'm sure it's mine, not just similar, it's my own.

'You must never forget her'

That's all it says. But who? Who am I not allowed to forget?

And how did this note get there and who is it from?

I'm so confused...

Take care dear diary...maybe I'll find out more soon and tell you all about it. Tomorrow I have to go to university again…

Your Aoyama Rina