Hidden Motives, Honest Hearts

Noa had practically dragged me through the crowd into the small park next to the shrine. She was bent over, gasping for air, trying to catch her breath. I just stood there, staring at her in surprise, wondering what I should do.

“D-don’t… huff… go back…” Noa clutched my arm.
What is going on?

“Okay, okay, just catch your breath. But I need to know what this is about,” I said, doing my best to stay calm. I had to, because people around us were starting to stare, and being the center of attention really wasn’t my thing.

After a few more deep breaths, Noa seemed to settle down a bit.

“Did you… meet up before the rest of us today?”

We hadn’t actually told anyone. Our coffee had run out, and we’d just walked together. No one had asked questions.

“Lyra and I both arrived early without meaning to. We ran into each other at the meeting spot and went into the mall to stay warm,” I explained. Noa didn’t seem exactly happy with that. Her eyes looked more uneasy than anything. It wasn’t worry—more like discomfort.

“Nothing… happened, right?”

She stared directly into my eyes as she asked, so seriously it felt like I was being interrogated.

But I understood. She probably thought I didn’t know Lyra had a boyfriend, and this was her way of letting me know. Maybe, because she was close to Lyra, she wanted to do right by Lyra’s boyfriend too.

“Noa, nothing happened between me and Lyra. And I do know she has a boyfriend. Don’t worry—I’m not the type of person to have feelings for someone who’s already taken.”
Strangely, those words felt heavier than I expected.

“What?”

Noa’s expression changed in an instant. Her eyes widened, brows lifted, and she looked genuinely surprised.

“Yeah… She told me when we met,” I said calmly. She probably thought I didn’t know, which explained her shock.

“Wait a minute— a boyfriend?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Silence hung between us for a moment. Noa pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose, clearly frustrated.

“B-but it’s not a big deal. Like I said, nothing’s going on,” I added, hoping to ease her mind.

“Why not? Do you have someone?”

She was frustrated, though her tone made it feel like her frustration wasn’t directed at me.

“Uh… no.”

“Then why’d she tell you?”

The questions kept coming like a flood. It felt like giving a statement at the police station.

Then again, just like how I still thought of myself as a “stranger” to Lyra, maybe Noa saw me that way too. And getting close to a stranger could seem risky, so I understood why she might be on edge.

“We were going to go to a Lyola concert. We bumped into each other, and since we both liked the band, I invited her. She told me she was going with her boyfriend and turned me down.”

Without noticing, I had lowered my head while talking. Remembering how she said it, and what I’d thought afterward, stirred something in me. When I looked up again, Noa was staring at me blankly—expressionless, but oddly stunned.

She let out a deep sigh. “That idiot…” she whispered.

Why was she upset that Lyra hadn’t told her?

Another silence passed. Maybe this was what she had been worried about all along. I felt bad for her, but honestly, if there was anyone out of place in this situation, it was me—the outsider.

“Well, if that’s all, maybe we should hea—”

“Wait, Yuta.”

I had just turned around when she called out again. 

“Let’s say... she didn’t have a boyfriend. Would it have been different?”

“…Huh?”

That question silenced everything inside me. Like the whole world paused. Noa stared seriously into my eyes, watching for my reaction.

I felt a small tremble run through me. I’d never actually considered that. If Lyra didn’t have a boyfriend…

Would that even be possible? 

My first instinct was to say no—it felt impossible.

But if I were her boyfriend?

Maybe I wouldn’t be enough. 

I still knew so little about Lyra. Our only common ground so far was music. We didn’t really share much else.

The way we behaved,
Our personalities,
How social we were,
Even our tastes in coffee and sweets—

There hadn’t been much overlap at all. Those differences could lead to new conversations, sure, but they might also create a gap in our communication.

Still, beyond all of that, I saw Lyra as a person.

And by that, I didn’t mean just a human being.

She was cheerful, always trying to help, doing everything she could, touching people’s lives, talented and hardworking. 

From her, I’d seen what it meant to truly be human.

“I don’t know…” I said at first. I still couldn’t see myself in that scenario. But when I thought about someone that kind, at their best...

Yeah. I’d found my answer.

“Maybe it would’ve been. But when I really care about someone, just knowing they’re happy is enough for me. I don’t have to be the one beside them.”

Noa froze.
Had I said too much?

Honestly, when Lyra smiled, she lit up the room. If she was happy, she could probably spread that happiness to everyone around her. If I were by her side, I’d probably just want to help keep her that way.

We locked eyes in a silence that felt long, but probably lasted only a second or two. Noa’s eyes were wide open, like she was giving me a “damn” kind of look.

“Have you been hurt before?” she asked, slowly smiling.

Me? I guess I’d been the kind of person who hurt others without meaning to, then felt regret for both doing and not doing things. But I wasn’t going to get all weird about it.

“Uhm, I don’t know. I just shared what I was thinking,” I said, not letting her pry too much.

Noa didn’t say anything else. But something about her softened.

Her shoulders eased. Her eyes narrowed slightly.

“I see,” was all she said.

And in that moment, Noa looked at me like she was really seeing me for the first time.

“Well then. Since you know all that, let’s go back to the others,” she said, slipping back into her usual, slightly reserved and serious tone. But she had a content smile on her face.

As we chatted on our way back, a question lingered in my mind—

In a place filled with happiness, 

what do you call someone who isn’t part of it?

Someone who doesn’t need to be included to be happy?

Or someone who was never meant to be part of it, declared guilty by default, and left to long for it from afar?