8.3) The Silent Price of Strength

Mary had watched Atlas use the dagger on himself without any triumphant fanfare. What should have been a heroic moment had been laced with the knowledge that their actions were all futile.

And now, all that was left was for the trio to disband.

It was noon. The buses had discontinued their operations near the university, making their group walk all the way over to the alleyway behind the bus stop where everything had begun.

Mary wished that they had time to walk further in the direction of the campus. She wanted to reminisce about all the things that had happened. She wanted to return to the football field with Atlas and Julian and lie down, just for a while.

But time was running out. There was no time to relax–at least not for Atlas.

Mary walked in silence as Julian and Atlas chatted away as they walked. It wasn’t just that she wanted to give them time to talk, but she was also resolving her own thoughts on Atlas. She had brushed them off in the past, but it now felt imperative to figure out what they were.

As they walked behind the bus stop and looked into the alleyway between the school buildings, all three of them stopped and stared. It was here where Julian had made the fateful decision to take action and contribute goodness to the world.

Mary hadn’t been there, but she knew the story: Julian had approached an unknown man with a piece of bread. The man turned out to be Atlas. In a way, the entirety of their experiences all converged in this single alleyway.

Julian spoke first with a sigh. “I guess we’re here. This is it.”

Atlas nodded. Mary crossed her arms and silently stepped back, letting the two have their moment.

Julian fidgeted his hands. “Atlas. Tell me something. And be honest, okay?”

Atlas closed his eyes, as if he had expected this to happen. “Yes. Ask away.”

Mary looked at Julian, wondering if he was going to ask for an explanation of the truth. But eventually, he shook his head, perhaps changing his mind. He took a deep breath. Then he smiled as brightly as he could.

“... Did you have fun?” Julian asked.

Atlas blinked, clearly not expecting such a simple question. Then, his gaze softened.

“Did I have fun…? Yes, of course. I had lots of fun, all thanks to you and your sister.”

Atlas spoke with a gentle grin. “Is that all you need to ask, Julian? You’re not asking me where I’m going or what I’m going to do?”

Julian shook his head. “Nope. I’m content with what I know, thank you very much.”

He poked Atlas in the chest. “You made my sister smile. You are a good man, and you are an even better friend. That’s all I need to know.”

He took off his white scarf. “Now, close your eyes, Atlas. I’m going to give you one last thing before you go.”

Atlas closed his eyes as Julian wrapped the white scarf around his neck. Mary silently watched, feeling as if the hopes of the entire world were being transferred onto Atlas.

Julian stepped back and looked him up and down, then giggled. “Well, now you look like an overgrown child who is trying to dress up like a superhero. White scarf, blue T-shirt, beige shorts. It’s funny because of how serious you look. But I guess your hair complements the scarf nicely.”

Atlas pulled the scarf up to his lips, silently appreciating their final gift.

“I feel comfortable,” he said softly. “I think that’s what matters.”

Julian smiled. “Yes, you’re right. I hope that scarf gives you strength, wherever you’re going from here.”

He raised his fist. Atlas processed what it meant, then raised his own fist. The two exchanged a fist bump.

“Take care, Atlas.”

“Take care, Julian. And take care of your sister. She’s a lot more fragile than she lets on.”

Julian tilted his head. “Really?”

Mary sighed, finally taking her turn to speak. “I stay silent for you two to say your proper farewells, and this is what I get in return? Slander?”

Atlas quickly raised his hands in surrender. “I apologize, I apologize.”

Mary sighed even more deeply, resting her hand on her hip. “I suppose this was the only way this was going to end. Whatever this is, I guess.”

Julian laughed. “That’s just how we are as a group, I think.”

Atlas cleared his throat. “Now, I’m going to return to where I came from, if you two will let me.”

Mary stopped him. “Wait, what about me?”

He chuckled. “Admittedly, I wasn't sure what I should say to you.”

He looked up into the blue sky. “I think between you and me, it’s better if some things remain unspoken. Don’t you agree?”

Mary sighed, then raised her fist. “Fine. But I deserve a fist bump, too.”

Atlas gave her a gentle fist bump. “Goodbye, Mary.”

“Goodbye… Atlas.”

Atlas nodded, then turned to face the alleyway. He slowly took a step. Then another. Then he stopped, as if not wanting to go further. She felt that he would turn around and admit something vulnerable like Abigail had. 

But eventually, he took another step forward, then another. Then he began fully walking until he reached the middle of the alleyway, then finally turned around.

Atlas called out to Julian. “If you ever find me collapsed on the ground again, make sure to come right over and feed me something good!”

Julian called back to him. “Sure, sure! I’ll come right over and feed you even more delicious croissants!”

Atlas raised his fist into the air, verifying that he had heard his declaration.

Then, Atlas made eye contact with Mary, as if trying to communicate with her nonverbally. Mary looked at Julian, unsure what to do. But Julian stepped back and walked out of the alleyway, as if giving them the space to communicate what they wanted to.

She frowned, meeting Atlas’s gaze once more. What do you mean, Atlas? What does it mean?

Even after all this time, she had been unable to figure him out. But as he stared and stared, perhaps there was a subtle something in his eyes that told the truth.

She thought back to the day she had sat at the cafe and told him it was okay to give up on the world. That was the only time he had shown any kind of vulnerability to anyone. But even then, he hadn’t fully explained to her why he had given up. In fact, he had never explicitly admitted that he wanted to give up. Not even once.

Mary felt that no one in the world could truly understand what he was feeling now, moments away from walking into his own demise. Not even Abigail could fully understand him–even she had confessed her true feelings to them at the very end of her farewells.

But Atlas was silent. Perhaps Atlas’s curse wasn’t the duty he had been chosen for; his curse was his own stoicism.

Mary gathered her final thoughts. “In the end, Atlas, you are the strongest of all of us. I know you will make us proud.”

Atlas nodded, then tugged on the white scarf wrapped around his neck. “I’ll give it my everything. Thank you, Mary.”

Then, Atlas took a step back and disappeared in a brilliant flash of light.

Mary closed her eyes, continuing her final thoughts she had withheld from finishing.

“But, Atlas, you never once told anyone how you truly felt about your destiny, did you? Not even to me. In the end, you are a man plagued by your own silent strength…”

She reopened her eyes with a longing gaze into the empty alleyway, where Atlas had stood just moments ago.

“... Maybe in another life, I’ll be able to properly lend you my shoulder.”