All We Know is Falling Away

Around the world, civil wars and societal collapses began to accelerate. The Shards and Shimmers had seemingly undone any remaining restraints of civility for numerous nations. In the United States, religious extremists seized control of the government with the full intention of speeding the impending apocalypse along. For them, it was prophecy fulfilled. For the billions of others who were not of their faith, it was the zealous cry of a desperate, dangerous people. As chaos spread across the globe, a single lonely van was driving along an empty road in Hirosaki. In that van, Riku was in the midst of a significant panic attack.

His skin was all but white, with streams of sweat beading down his knotted, locked muscles. Pupils refused to dilate and eyelids refused to shut. Something about seeing the Shimmers had done to his mind what had been done to hundreds of millions of others.

“Riku, I need you to breathe. I need you to breathe, dear,” said Shiona as Kai and Kureha rubbed his chest and back.

“I don’t like this. I don’t like this,” Riku repeated as his friends’ voices failed to reach him.

After several minutes of driving and attempted calming chants, the friends decided to pull over. Arata led the van to a cautious, gentle stop on the edge of a long, straight road full of visibility. Rin opened the doors, and soon all of them were helping Riku out of the seat and onto the sloping hillside. As soon as he was out of the enclosed space, vomit flew from his mouth in full force. Shiona had never done well with such visuals or smells, and now was gagging herself.

“Rin, Kureha, you help Shiona. Kai, help me with Riku,” Arata ordered in a calm voice as he handed the groups bottles of water.

Shiona vomited.

“Oh shit,” she groaned as more began to rise.

“Is Riku okay?” she gagged as tears formed in her eyes.

“Don’t worry about him, focus on yourself, baby,” said Kureha as she held Shiona’s hair.

“Why is this happening?” Shiona whimpered, and Kureha realized she was breaking as well.

Shiona and Riku had always seemed like the strongest of them in many ways. Seeing the two of them tearing at the seams unsettled Kureha more than she wanted to admit.

“He doesn’t deserve this. He’s too kind. He had so many dreams. None of you deserves this,” Shiona cried as her facade of steadiness fell away.

All Rin and Kureha could do was hold Shiona’s hand and hair as she began to sob. Meters away, Riku was now dry-heaving as his mind began to break.

“I don’t want you to die,” Riku murmured as his hand violently grabbed Kai’s shoulder.

“I don’t want you to die either, Riku. I’m sorry for all of this,” Kai said as his voice began to tremble.

“Arata, I wanted to see you as a young man. You were going to do so much. I know you were going to be so happy and successful. And the girls… I…” Riku began to weep and gagged a horrendous retch.

There was nothing left in his stomach. Kai and Arata felt their eyes burning.

“I hate this,” cried Riku.

“Where are the gods? Where are they? Why did they leave us all alone?!” Riku cried out as his leg gave out and he fell to the ground.

“We aren’t alone. We have each other,” said Arata as he tried to comfort his friend.

It was to no avail. Riku’s mind couldn’t be reached. The two friends merely accepted that he would have to move through this himself and made their place on the ground beside him. Moments passed, and then Shiona was there. Her hands found Riku’s back without speaking. Her touch immediately calmed him, as though the connection of another who was experiencing his same mania brought him peace. Riku’s breathing began to steady as Shiona wrapped her arms around him. His limp arms raised slowly, then held her trembling body, cradling her in support as she continued to cry. The other four friends knelt around them and embraced them in a cocoon of protection.

Then Arata’s phone rang. He glanced at it out of curiosity. Calls were quite rare in any capacity these days.

“It’s my older brother?…” he whispered to Rin.

His older brother, Yuki, worked for a government agency and still had priority service. A call from him generally meant something of importance was coming. Arata stood and stepped away from the group.

“Hey…” he answered.

His face took a curious turn.

“Yes… I’m with all of them. Yes. Yes, Rin, Riku, and Kureha are here,” he answered in a confused tone.

“...Okay…” he replied as he held out the phone and switched it to speaker.

“My brother wanted me to put the phone on speaker…” he said as the group all looked up.

“Hi, Yuki. It’s Rin. We’re all here,” said Rin.

Yuki didn’t immediately speak. Something in the pause of his response unsettled Kureha even more. Finally, he cleared his throat.

“H…hi Rin. Has… has anyone reached out to you yet?” he asked in a voice that sounded raw.

The air began to feel colder. Riku and Shiona were slowly pulled back to reality and joined the friends in listening.

“No, no one has reached out to me. What’s up?” Rin cautiously asked.

“Nor Kureha? Or Riku?” said Yuki.

“No…” answered Kureha.

Yuki exhaled. It was noticeably shaky, even over the phone.

“Where are you right now? I heard you were traveling. Are you driving now?” Yuki probed methodically.

“No, we’re pulled over on the side of the road. Yuki, what’s going on?” Arata asked.

“I… I’m so very sorry to be the one to tell you all this. Did any of your parents reach out to you recently?” Yuki asked, searching for any support in the coming reveal.

“No…” they all answered in unison.

Yuki sighed in sorrow and cleared his throat.

“Our parents are all dead,” he said bluntly.

“What?!” they all asked.

Riku’s hand latched onto Kai’s and Kureha’s.

“What do you mean?!” Rin asked in disbelief.

“Yuki?” Arata asked.

“As of this morning, they all took their own lives. Them, and millions of others.”

Now Kureha was feeling sick. The fabric of reality began to tear in her eyes. The corners of the world were ripped away in frayed white. Rin choked and gagged as she began to cry.

“What are you talking about? What do you mean they killed themselves?” Rin cried.

“My parents are gone?” Riku asked in defeated shock.

“All of them. The governments of the world apparently started reaching out to elders and people whose children were grown adults a few weeks ago, asking them to consider sacrificing themselves so that resources wouldn’t be as strained here at the end. About fifty countries participated. Millions agreed. Our parents were among them. I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I was just briefed yesterday, then found out about Arashiyama this morning. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone,” said Yuki as he began to cry on the phone.

“But… but.. They were supposed to be there when we got back?!” Arata shouted.

“My parents told me they’d see me soon?!” cried Rin.

“What about my parents?” Shiona asked.

“I haven’t heard anything for them, Shiona. Your stepfather has a teenage son in Sapporo, correct? Maybe that kept him and your mom out of the program.”

“And I have a younger sister who’s only fourteen…” said Kai in realization.

“I’m so sorry. All of you. Apparently, most of the eligible adults in Japan agreed. We lost tens of millions today,” said Yuki.

Kureha barely heard him. The terror that was ripping through her mind was now sending her into a spiral. It took all of her willpower to stay tethered to the earth and not die right then and there.

“My dad?” she whispered.

"Yes. I'm afraid so," said Yuki.

“He didn’t even say goodbye that day… Was he planning to do this, even back then?” she said as she let out a whimper of acknowledgment.

“Oh shit. Oh shit… Oh gods no…” cried Riku.

“Where are you? Hana and I can come and meet you. Be with you,” offered Yuki.

Arata weighed the options.

We’re in Tohoku. It’s okay. Take care of your family. Thank you for calling, Yuki,” he answered.

Yuki understood and accepted.

“I’m truly very sorry. All of you,” said Yuki, who hung up the phone and left the friends alone.

No one spoke at first. Cries became sobs as shock and grief bled into horror and despair. That sound echoed across the world as tens of millions of families awoke the next day to find that the elders, parents, caregivers, and friends they had hoped to see at least once more were now gone from the world. For many, it was a noble sacrifice. For Kureha, as she fell to the ground weeping with a feeling of horrific pain ripping through her stomach, she could not think of anything noble for her father. He had left without a word. His remaining months had been defined by opaqueness and silence as he clung to the old world of jobs and commutes. When she had needed him for even a single kind word, he had failed.

As she held her friends in support amid the unceasing waves of screams and tears, she thought of the man who helped bring her into the world and felt only hate.