Not What We Were, Not Yet Strangers

For the first time in my life, I left a library day feeling this satisfied.

Or rather...
For the first time, I spent a day with a girl that felt so natural, so enjoyable, so... comfortable.
Sometimes emotions seep into the simplest moments.

Into the corners of a smile,
Into the lines of a poem,
Or into the notes of a symphony trickling through a pair of earbuds...
For me, that day was one of those moments.
And maybe... maybe I had gone through so much chaos lately that this simplicity felt like healing.

After that day, my conversations with Lyra became a little more frequent.

Saying goodnight before bed,

Sending “I’m studying this class today, pray for me 😩” messages in the morning—
it had almost become a habit.
And even that habit felt special enough.
I didn’t really have the right to want more anyway.

Lyra still had a boyfriend, right?

Even if she never mentioned it…
That little detail lingered in the corner of my mind.
And because of that, I knew my place.
Still, sometimes it was hard not to say what I truly felt.

Today, though, was a different kind of day.
Since Yasu wasn’t available, Sayuri, Ray, and I had plans to hang out together.
There was a concert everyone was excited about:
Lyola concert.
Honestly, it wasn’t surprising how many people were Lyola fans.

That girl... she could transport an entire stadium of tens of thousands into another universe with her voice alone.

During our chat, I casually texted Lyra:
“Lyola concert tomorrow, downtown.”
“We’re planning to go as a group.”

Her reply came quickly:
“Ah, really? I really wanted to go but I’m super busy this week 😞”

I smiled at my phone.
Even that little sad emoji made it clear she truly wanted to be there.

But me…
I had only mentioned the concert casually.
I hadn’t invited her.
I hadn’t even dared to imagine going together.
Because dreaming like that...
Sometimes only led to a pointless fall.

Later that evening, I checked my ticket.
I felt this strange excitement inside me.
I was going to hear Lyola live again.
I wondered—
Had she changed since the last time?
Had she written new songs?
Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I thought:
How strange it was...
That you could feel so connected to someone whose voice you only knew from afar.

33 – 2

On concert day, I somehow managed to find Ray and Sayuri in the crowd.
Honestly, I felt a bit out of place.
If Yasu had been there, it would’ve been fine.
But now, I was just a lone guy hanging out with a couple.
Ray didn’t care—he made it clear he never saw it that way.

But Sayuri?
I couldn’t help but feel a little awkward inside.
Still, I met up with them.
And honestly, they welcomed me warmly.

We were waiting to enter the concert hall.
As we chatted lightly, my eyes kept glancing at the front of the line, checking how much longer we had to wait.
And while I was looking ahead...
Something unexpected happened.
So unexpected, I’d be fumbling through the conversation for a while.

“Yuta and Ray?” a surprised voice called from behind.
It was unfamiliar—not exactly a stranger, but not someone I immediately recognized either.
Curious, I turned my head.
Behind me, a bit to the side at the second turnstile, stood a girl and her friend.
It was Emi.

She was wearing a sleek black outfit.
She looked elegant.
Compared to the last time I’d seen her, she had changed a lot.
She had slimmed down, updated her style, and even started wearing makeup.
For a second, I hesitated, wondering if it was even her.

“Emi?”
I stared at her, stunned.
In front of me, Ray, who had been chatting with Sayuri, turned around too, his face lighting up with a surprised smile.

“Emi? No way!”
“Y-yeah...” Emi stumbled over her words, glancing rapidly between me and Ray.

“How’s it going?” Ray asked enthusiastically, glancing briefly at me.
Clearly, I wasn’t the only one feeling the awkwardness.

“Good,” Emi said simply.
Not much else.
Realizing the silence was stretching, she hurried to add, “You?”

“I’m good too. As you can see, we’re here for the concert, hehe,” Ray said, putting on an exaggerated cheerfulness.
I admired how he played the role of the bridge between us, but I felt ashamed of myself.

I hadn’t said a single word yet.
Aren’t we supposed to be adults?
Why were we standing here like idiots?

After a brief awkward silence, Ray continued:
“We talked the other day, remember? Oh, and this is Sayuri, my girlfriend.”
There was a proud glint in his eyes that somehow suited him.

“Hello,” Sayuri greeted warmly.
Emi returned the greeting politely.

Another awkward silence.
As the line slowly crept forward, I realized I still hadn’t said a word.
Truly pathetic.

I heard Ray let out a loud, exaggerated sigh.
He lowered his head dramatically and muttered:
“This isn’t working...”
Suddenly, Ray grabbed my arm.

“Ray, what are you doin—”
Before I could finish, he gently shoved me toward Emi’s side.

I stumbled right in front of her.

“You two are acting too weird. So, here’s what we’ll do: a trade!” Ray said, motioning for Emi’s friend to come over.

“What are you doing, Ray?” Emi asked, confused but not angry.

“Since you two already ‘resolved things,’ it’s about time you had a proper chat. I don’t want to cut in line, so let’s switch.”
Ray grinned mischievously.

Emi’s friend—who I later learned was named Hana—nodded and crossed over to join Ray and Sayuri, whose part of the line was moving faster.

And just like that, Emi and I were left alone.
Even though the line moved and the crowd bustled around us, nobody seemed to notice what had just happened.

The silence lingered awkwardly.
I wanted to speak, but my tongue felt frozen.
Still, I had to do something.
I had to.

“H-hey,” I said awkwardly, my voice cracking slightly.
Why was I so nervous?

“H-hi,” Emi stammered back.
Was she just as nervous?
Or was it something else?

The line kept moving, and Ray’s group was getting farther away.

No, I couldn’t keep doing this.
Normally I’d find an excuse to escape situations like this, but now...
There was no escape, no excuse.
If I let this drag on, it would just get worse.

So I forced myself.
At worst, I’d never see her again.
At worst, I’d spend months screaming into my pillow out of embarrassment.
But there was no other way.

“This is way too awkward. Like, unnecessarily awkward,” I blurted out flatly.
I used the word "awkward" twice.
Well... I used it a lot anyway.

There was a tiny pause.
Then Emi smiled faintly.

“You’re right,” she said, turning to face me properly. “How have you been? How’s everything going?”
She said it so smoothly—like she wanted this conversation just as much as I did.
It made me happy.

“Good, I guess. Nothing much has changed since back then.”
And it was true.
Or so I thought.
“What about you?” I asked, noticing how even the way Emi spoke now felt different.

“I don’t know,” she said in a relaxed tone.
“I don’t think I can say the same.”

Was that a jab at the past?
Or just a general comment?
Her words felt deeper than I expected.

“I figured. I could feel it when you spoke,” I said casually.
There was something different between us now.

“I think you’ve changed too,” she said.

Me?
Changed?
How?
My friends hadn’t changed much.
My environment hadn’t.
Even my way of thinking hadn’t.

Only one thing had...
But it was too early to call that “change.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, curious.

“Your eyes.”

Her words hit me like a punch to the throat.
I froze.

“My eyes?”

“Not your eyes themselves—
The person behind them.”

The Emi I knew would never have said something like that.
It wouldn’t be wrong to say we were both surprising each other now.

“That’s a bit poetic, huh?” I said, smiling lightly.
There was no sarcasm in my voice.
Just a genuine attempt to chat like old friends.

“Yeah, maybe it was. Sorry. But... I really think we’ve both changed.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

Emi smiled gently.
The conversation flowed more naturally after that.

We talked about life after high school,
about Emi moving away,
about university life...
Everything—except for what had happened between us.
Because there was nothing left to say.
We had already made peace.

When we finally entered the massive concert hall, we stood side by side, gazing around.

“I’m heading to Section B,” I said.

Turns out, Emi was assigned there too.
Ray and Sayuri had already gone ahead as well.

The only problem?
Section B was the biggest part of the venue, the massive middle area.

Long story short...
Until I managed to find those idiots buried somewhere in the crowd,
I would still have to spend more time alone with Emi...